The Sounds of Goats

And no, this site isn't an Ewan McGregor fansite. But let it be said, there is no such thing as a bad Ewan McGregor movie.

This isn't a full blown (perhaps the wrong term when it comes to goats) critique of the underated 2009 Clooney/Bridges vehicle. The A&E editor at ICC's Harbinger decided to take that task as I was left to tackle "Pirate Radio". Having spent the money to see this film to write a review, I was going to get some kind of essay out of this. Fortunately, there was the "Sound Critique" assignment for my Audio Production course, and I believe this critique still serves for anyone to view this film.

Check the review out at MainEventOfTheDead.com.

The Ghost Writer - Pedophiles v. War Criminals

So...the editors at the Harbinger, Illinois Central College's newspaper, expects their contributing clolumnist to walk by their office that is two stories above the only class he's attending this semester. It's funny because he's only had to enter the office once in his three semesters of contributing.

Enough of this 3rd Person bullocks, makes me feel like those right wing twats who were offended at my "Destroy Popular Culture, Rebuild, Repeat" shirt...at a strip club. Did one of the girls pay them off just, so I'd plead for one of them to take me back for a dance?

The editor had told me, if they could pay me for my reviews and my opinion pieces, they would. Personally, I like not having the hastles of showing up to meetings, and if that cost me a few bucks, that no big deal. All I expect is an e-mail telling me when I have to get my shit finished.

Maybe it just slipped their mind, maybe the A&E editor saw a flick and wants my space, or the editor-in-chief didn't like Ghosting my last opinion piece. Whatever the reason, I feel a little put out by a newspaper that hardly updates its website.

Yes, I guess I maybe taking the inevitable "sorry, we were so busy e-mail" to hard, but I have an ego, and when I don't do too many things well, failing to get published hurts.

After receiving the e-mail, it was a reality check. The staff simply had college things to do, the stuff that will further careers. Writing for a college newspaper is kind of a secondary thing in comparison. Like it or not, that is pretty accurate.

C'est la vie, I guess. With a Polanski movie review, that seems appropriate. As long as my works weren't published for making an observation about pedophilia in this critique, everything will work out fine. I bought a domain for a reason right?

Check out the review at my new website Harshside.com - Satire, Movies, and Anarchy

Pirate Radio - Too Bad Nobody Went Down with this Ship

I appreciate that the Harbinger (http://iccharbinger.com) is trying to catch up the website during the break, but there has to be something more important that Daughtry's October show in Peoria to dominate the entertainment section.

But, they did choose to publish this review for "The Boat That Rocked" instead of "Assassination of a High School President," so it maybe said that I didn't offer anything for the month of November to dethrone the Idol Poser.

“Pirate Radio” is a picture that is nothing more than subplots without substance that allow for fine British actors and Philip Seymour Hoffman to act cheeky. Richard Curtis’s film is non-trippy images to a classic rock soundtrack. Somehow this does not seem to be the fit way of presenting these songs, and the story does not make up for the mistreatment.

Read the rest of these stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

Hope = Death, a bleak observation

The problem with last night's blog was that it was too repetitive. A struggle to figure out what more can be said about how shitty my existence is. After plenty of calling God a sadistic bastard and thoughts to Frank Miller's "Sin City," I think I may have received a divine answer.

It doesn't get that douche bag Iehova off the shit list, but it is a lesson that I think all should learn and the sooner the better.

Check out this blog at http://headtrip309.blogspot.com

Your beautiful and your god is an asshole

I am confused where to post this blog. Should be on http://harshside309.blogspot.com because I am attacking the fabric of the most hypocritical of society? Or should be on this blog because despite the flaws that almost make it as bad as "Pirate Radio," watching "Persepolis" fuels my discontent with the big guy.

Well I decided to post it on http://headtrip309.blogspot.com

Please check it out.

Mother of Tears, Redheaded Stepchild

jposter.net

A common complaint about legendary Italian horror director Dario Argento is that his directorial style being based around his visuals, instead of his story. With La terza Madre, Dimension Extreme’s "Mother of Tears", may have been his attempt to dispel this and surprisingly does not span beyond the gore that is associated with the genre, thus may have taken away the chance for its American distributor to claim some of their films as art.

Witches from all over the world are flocking to Italy’s capitol. Crime is rampant, mothers are murdering their children, and the only person who might be able to stop the rise of the Mother of Tears is Sarah (Asia Argento from XXX, Land of the Dead). She is the daughter of the white witch whose life ended during her battle with the Mother of Sighs (from Argento’s Suspiria). With latent powers inherited from her mother, no other person may be able to prevent the “Second Fall of Rome.”

Check out the rest of the blog at MainEventoftheDead.com and determine if my satire and movie knowledge could translate into a pro-wrestling zombie comedy.

Platoon: When Oliver Stone Could Direct

In my opinion, from the middle of the 1980s until 1992, when Quentin Tarantino made his directorial debut with Reservoir Dogs, there were only three directors who almost always released at least one film per year, and whose name demanded the attention of the entire movie going public.  Steven Spielberg, who along with producer/director George Lucas has seemingly defined how a motion picture should be handled since the mid 1970s; Spike Lee, one of the pioneers in films directed by minorities; and the man who seemed to only associate himself with controversial material, Oliver Stone (director of the films Salvador, Born on the Fourth of July, JFK, and Nixon).

Probably Stone’s most controversial film (at least until the release of his autobiographical satire of a US President still in office, W.) was Natural Born Killers in 1994.  Peter Travers, Rolling Stone’s premier film critic offered this quote to praise the film and director:

This is one of my all time favorite movies, and it put Oliver Stone on my list of 'Best Directors Ever,' right along with Stanley [Kubrick].
Read the rest of the review at MainEventoftheDead.com and let me know if my humor, satire and movie knowledge can translate into a B-Movie comedy about zombies and pro-wrestling.

Night Junkies: What "Twilight" should be with no increase in quality.

There is no such thing as a dramatic B-Movie. So nothing that naturally happens due to the low budget can take away from lousy actors giving their heart (and most likely their digestive track) to their role.

Even if a movie is dramatic with an edgy idea and shot on one handheld camera, it may not be classified as Indie. This is especially true when the score and action sequences are reminiscent of every B-Movie made this millennium.

In this state of limbo, one can find "Night Junkies", a movie that is the vampiric attempt to address the concept of addiction.

Read the rest of my review of this B-Movie rarity at 

Ninety for Chill - A More Acceptable Runtime

Feast III: The One with an "Ironic" Title

It is a good thing they chose not to call this film “Happy Ending” because this felt like a legitimate massage. You go through a lot and give up your time to have it, but if you don’t get a release, buy one of those chairs from Sharper Image instead of a Hooter’s waitress that has moved on.

"Feast III" makes up for Feast II being a low budget film that tried to shoot everything on a soundstage, but blows it on being the "Happy Finish" to what could have been horror series of the decade. It the end, it just handed the title to Danny Boyle’s pet projects.

The rooftop refugees from the attack of the indeterminate beasts must make their escape. With the additions of the redneck survivalist, the short bus riding prophet who seems to have the ability to ward off the monsters, and the karate expert straight out of the Chuck Norris impersonators era, will they stand a chance against not only the horny and hungry demons, but the breed of zombie that their vomit seems to have created.

Check out the rest of review at "Ninety For Chill: A More Acceptable Runtime.

Cravings...Daddy's Girl...Vampire Flick or the Welsh "Crush"

letmewatchthis.mn

Lionsgate may have dropped the ball with their DVD release of the Welsh import "Daddy’s Girl" by renaming it "Cravings". Since it was originally released in 2006, the American distributor was probably just trying to capitalize on the belief that actress Jaime Winstone ("Donkey Punch") maybe the next great British actress. Horror DVD’s are probably the most rented and it being Lionsgate’s bread and butter, the renaming allow it to capture the largest audience. This proves to be misleading because Cravings is not so much thriller or horror feature than Alicia Silverstone’s The Crush. To its credit, Cravings does take the Electra complex to a new level of creepy.

Stephen (Richard Harrington) is a psychotherapist who is just six weeks removed from his wife’s suicide. As a welcome back present, his first new patient is Nina (Winstone), a girl who had slit her wrist on "accident." She claims to just be going through that cutting stage of adolescence, but Stephen believes that because she drinks her blood, there is a far more disturbing problem. As Stephen becomes closer to Nina’s mother (Louise Delamere), Nina begins to lash out at everyone who can offer her a taste of the crimson. Being too involved with the case, and still struggling with the grief of his wife’s death, Stephen must stop Nina’s behavior before it cost him his sanity and more.

Check out my review for this classic at:

Ninety for Chill - A More Acceptable Runtime

Boy Eats Girl: Good Porn Title/Bad Zombie Flick

High school students and zombies, this must sound like a “can’t miss” concept. The Irish/British co-production "Boy East Girl" was not content with having two demographics covered, and drops the ball when it tried to incorporate an "American Pie" coming of age tale into it.

Nathan is a shy student who cannot stop his friends from hassling him when it comes to crush on their best friend Jessica. Eventually, they decide to play cupid by using Nathan’s phone to arrange a meeting between the two. An overprotective father and a douche bag end up ruining the plan, and leaves Nathan believing that Jessica is a slut. Crushed, Nathan flirts around with a pint of whiskey and a noose. Unaware of what he is doing with the music turned up so loud, his mother inadvertently knocks over the chair that he was standing on when she barges into his bedroom.

Like any good mother would do, she decides to borrow the book of voodoo from the secret crypt at the local cathedral, and resurrects her son. Unfortunately, she did not realize that the last page was missing, so she cannot prevent him from craving human flesh. After biting a bully at the end term dance, Nathan has unwittingly unleashed a zombie apocalypse. Hopefully, his mother can find the way to reverse the infection before Nathan and company resort to unleashing the fury of farm equipment in the name of defending the little village and Jessica’s honour.

Check out the rest of review at "Ninety For Chill: A More Acceptable Runtimes.

Dance of the Dead: For those who thought "Return of the Living Dead" was too cheesy

Those Red Box DVD kiosks outside grocery stores and truck stops have to do better when describing their offerings. I cannot remember them mentioning that Ghost House Underground’s "Dance of the Dead" was a comedy, and with so many clever gimmick zombie flicks dropping the ball in terms of capitalizing on the humor of the walking dead (on a plane, in a prison, in a mall circa 2004, etc.), it is important to tell potential viewers that someone has released a refined version of the original "Return of the Living Dead". No, Dance does not have the neon red pubic hair of the cult classic, but it makes up for that by doing everything else the RotLD better.

It seems like it should be common sense not to build a nuclear power plant next to a cemetery, but in a predominantly white community where the son of the police chief is an aspiring backyard wrestler, this idea’s downside can be overlooked. The cemetery’s custodian has been able to keep the reanimated corpse problem under wraps, but one night the high school’s science fiction club just has to give their P.K.E. meter a try, and the recently departed decide that they have to take some kind of action against these meddling kids.

Check out the rest of review at "Ninety For Chill: A More Acceptable Runtime"