Russ's Online Home

The Sounds of Goats

2010-04-20T16:53:00.004-05:00

And no, this site isn't an Ewan McGregor fansite. But let it be said, there is no such thing as a bad Ewan McGregor movie.

This isn't a full blown (perhaps the wrong term when it comes to goats) critique of the underated 2009 Clooney/Bridges vehicle. The A&E editor at ICC's Harbinger decided to take that task as I was left to tackle "Pirate Radio". Having spent the money to see this film to write a review, I was going to get some kind of essay out of this. Fortunately, there was the "Sound Critique" assignment for my Audio Production course, and I believe this critique still serves for anyone to view this film.

Check the review out at HARSHSIDE.COM

The Ghost Writer - Pedophiles v. War Criminals

2010-04-01T14:29:00.001-05:00

So...the editors at the Harbinger, Illinois Central College's newspaper, expects their contributing clolumnist to walk by their office that is two stories above the only class he's attending this semester. It's funny because he's only had to enter the office once in his three semesters of contributing.

Enough of this 3rd Person bullocks, makes me feel like those right wing twats who were offended at my "Destroy Popular Culture, Rebuild, Repeat" shirt...at a strip club. Did one of the girls pay them off just, so I'd plead for one of them to take me back for a dance?

The editor had told me, if they could pay me for my reviews and my opinion pieces, they would. Personally, I like not having the hastles of showing up to meetings, and if that cost me a few bucks, that no big deal. All I expect is an e-mail telling me when I have to get my shit finished.

Maybe it just slipped their mind, maybe the A&E editor saw a flick and wants my space, or the editor-in-chief didn't like Ghosting my last opinion piece. Whatever the reason, I feel a little put out by a newspaper that hardly updates its website.

Yes, I guess I maybe taking the inevitable "sorry, we were so busy e-mail" to hard, but I have an ego, and when I don't do too many things well, failing to get published hurts.

After receiving the e-mail, it was a reality check. The staff simply had college things to do, the stuff that will further careers. Writing for a college newspaper is kind of a secondary thing in comparison. Like it or not, that is pretty accurate.

C'est la vie, I guess. With a Polanski movie review, that seems appropriate. As long as my works weren't published for making an observation about pedophilia in this critique, everything will work out fine. I bought a domain for a reason right?

Check out the review at my new website Harshside.com - Satire, Movies, and Anarchy

Pirate Radio - Too Bad Nobody Went Down with this Ship

2010-01-04T23:07:00.002-06:00

I appreciate that the Harbinger (http://iccharbinger.com) is trying to catch up the website during the break, but there has to be something more important that Daughtry's October show in Peoria to dominate the entertainment section.

But, they did choose to publish this review for "The Boat That Rocked" instead of "Assassination of a High School President," so it maybe said that I didn't offer anything for the month of November to dethrone the Idol Poser.

“Pirate Radio” is a picture that is nothing more than subplots without substance that allow for fine British actors and Philip Seymour Hoffman to act cheeky. Richard Curtis’s film is non-trippy images to a classic rock soundtrack. Somehow this does not seem to be the fit way of presenting these songs, and the story does not make up for the mistreatment.

In 1966, British radio refused to play rock music, so only “pirate ships” anchored around the country could air it. The government is not too fond of not being in control of it, so Sir Alistair Dormandy (Kenneth Branagh) is on a crusade to shut these stations down. This larger story takes a backseat to focus on the experiences of Young Carl (Tom Sturridge), an eighteen year Englishman and his experiences on the Radio Rock boat owned by his godfather (Bill Nighy).

In turn, this story is pushed aside so that everyone in the cast can have a story that explains who they are with no intention of being relative to any of the larger premises. Thus, “The Boat the Rocked,” the film’s title in the UK which was also changed to “Good Morning England” in France and “Radio Rock Revolution” in Germany, is filled with a lot of humorous scenes that features characters one can laugh at, but not relate to.

It is a picture that offers many opportunities for people in the audience to say, “I know a guy just like that at this one bar.” The audience at it’s opening Sunday’s 9:20 pm showing at Willow Knolls 14 was only one individual.

There can be no complaints made toward the actors. They are given limited roles, and fulfill the requirements of them. With a story that refuses to do anything with these characters, in ends up being a complete waste of talent. This should be a crime to any fan of British cinema.

Characters that have a part in the grand scheme of the film were the biggest strengths of Curtis’s other directorial effort, “Love Actually.” Each subplot in “Radio” picture plays out, and is then forgotten. Without giving an amount of time that would be worthy of master thespian Branagh’s story, the larger plot does nothing more that serve as a cigarette burn, an indication to the audience that there is a change in subplots. At least in “Love Actually,” Curtis was smart enough to not climax any of the subplots to the third act.

As for the direction, it seems to have been ripped straight from the transition scenes in the”Austin Powers” trilogy. In attempt to show that the radio station affected the majority of Great Britain supported the station, there are constant cuts away from the story. Very few of these cuts add to the fun of the picture because unlike the “Powers” films, they apparently lack a sense of humor.

“Pirate Radio” is a poorly constructed film that tortures the audience. Eventually, the funny tales in it become monotonous, and the viewer is just waiting for the film to end. If anything captured the feeling of the season of “Monty Python’s Flying Circus” that John Cleese was not on, Richard Curtis’s film does so.

Hope = Death, a bleak observation

2010-01-02T23:03:00.001-06:00

The problem with last night's blog was that it was too repetitive. A struggle to figure out what more can be said about how shitty my existence is. After plenty of calling God a sadistic bastard and thoughts to Frank Miller's "Sin City," I think I may have received a divine answer.

It doesn't get that douche bag Iehova off the shit list, but it is a lesson that I think all should learn and the sooner the better.

Check out this blog at http://headtrip309.blogspot.com

Your beautiful and your god is an asshole

2009-12-22T23:06:00.001-06:00

I am confused where to post this blog. Should be on http://harshside309.blogspot.com because I am attacking the fabric of the most hypocritical of society? Or should be on this blog because despite the flaws that almost make it as bad as "Pirate Radio," watching "Persepolis" fuels my discontent with the big guy.

Well I decided to post it on http://headtrip309.blogspot.com

Please check it out.

Mother of Tears, Redheaded Stepchild

2009-12-15T19:19:00.005-06:00

A common complaint about legendary Italian horror director Dario Argento is that his directorial style being based around his visuals, instead of his story. With La terza Madre, Dimension Extreme’s Mother of Tears, may have been his attempt to dispel and surprisingly does not span beyond the gore that is associated with the genre, thus may have taken away the chance for its American distributor to claim some of their films as art.

Witches from all over the world are flocking to the Italy’s capitol. Crime is rampant, mothers are murdering their children, and the only person who might be able to stop the rise of the Mother of Tears is Sarah (Asia Argento from XXX, Land of the Dead). She is the daughter of the white witch whose life ended during her battle with the Mother of Sighs (from Argento’s Suspiria). With latent powers inherited from her mother, no other person may be able to prevent the “Second Fall of Rome.”

Being filmed in English and not having the opportunities for the large scale shots Argento is known for, fans of the director might be disappointed in the conclusion to the Three Mothers trilogy. It does not seem as prolific as his other films, and the story is very linear. There is little mystery in the story, so the viewer does not have to think.

Not being forced to think may or may not be a bad thing. On one hand, the images might be considered more disturbing because there does not seem to be a motive for them. On the other, if there is no motivation, do they have to be so frequent? Does the audience have to bare witness to vivid deaths of more than one child? Without reasoning behind them, it can be declared tasteless, and even a waste of characters.

Asia Argento delivers a great performance as the European raised American lead, but with the accent, some might thing that it is what a Winona Ryder performance would be like if delivered immediately after the incident. Otherwise, all of the other characters have nothing behind them. The first male lead is set up to have the story be based around Sarah’s experiences with him and his tragedy, but he is dropped from the film to introduce three more characters that take on the mentoring role.

One of these mentors is portrayed by classic horror actor Udo Kier (Blade, Shadow of the Vampire, Andy Warhol’s Dracula). It was a horrible decision to cast him in this role because the final mentor is an elderly gentleman. In the end, the final male lead becomes a police detective who probably has less than ten lines in the film. No story should have so many disposable characters.

If one gets past the overly populated story, Mother of Tears may be the best filmed Gothic horror picture of the decade. No one can question Argento’s ability as a director, but the audience has to put up with a lot to witness it. Some might think it is to over the top and offensive, but if those who stick with it may leave happy. Not for the casual horror fan, or the Italian horror fan, Mother of Tears, may just be a picture that missed its mark.

Platoon: When Oliver Stone Could Direct

2009-12-14T11:53:00.001-06:00

In my opinion, from the middle of the 1980s until 1992, when Quentin Tarantino made his directorial debut with Reservoir Dogs, there were only three directors who almost always released at least one film per year, and whose name demanded the attention of the entire movie going public. Steven Spielberg, who along with producer/director George Lucas has seemingly defined how a motion picture should be handled since the mid 1970s; Spike Lee, one of the pioneers in films directed by minorities; and the man who seemed to only associate himself with controversial material, Oliver Stone (director of the filmsSalvador, Born on the Fourth of July, JFK, and Nixon).

Probably Stone’s most controversial film (at least until the release of his autobiographical satire of a US President still in office, W.) was Natural Born Killers in 1994. Peter Travers, Rolling Stone’s premier film critic offered this quote to praise the film and director:

This is one of my all time favorite movies, and it put Oliver Stone on my list of 'Best Directors Ever,' right along with Stanley [Kubrick].

With few exceptions, Kubrick’s films were always controversial, but he never had the same output of Stone, and based on these negative reviews of Natural Born Killers, it may lead one to claim that Oliver Stone is really the classless equivalent to Kubrick:

· “1 and a half stars,” film historian Leonard Maltin

· “Stone calls this bile satire. But satire takes careful aim; Killers is crushingly scattershot. By putting virtuoso technique at the service of lazy thinking, Stone turns his film into the demon he wants to mock: cruelty as entertainment,” a staff writer for Rolling Stone

· “One merely leaves puzzled and wondering: Is that it? He's not telling us anything. He's riffing on a theme and--intentionally or not--contributing to the junk pile he supposedly decries,” Desson Howe, Washington Post staff writer.

Stone definitely seems to have a knack for controversial subject matter in films, but film that he undoubtedly got the most acclaim for was 1986’s Vietnam War film, Platoon. It may have lacked controversy because The Deer Hunter (1979) was regarded at the best film about the conflict through the exploration of trauma incurred by American participants, but was inspired by Stone’s first hand experience of being a baby boomer who served in the Far East. It implies the long term effects of the war (Stone an example of the negatives being a cocaine addicted writer before a sober director), but focuses on the struggle of surviving a year in the war.

Through avoiding controversy, Platoon’s reviews may make a viewer now wonder why Stone is so dependent upon rattling the cage of more conservative movie goers. Like Leonard Maltin who praised the film as being, “Harrowingly realistic and completely convincing,” and the Washington Post critic calling the film, “A triumph! A staggering study of war…a dark, unforgettable memorial.”

I agree with the praise because it is brilliantly directed, and Stone left it at that. His later films seem to be dependent on what seems to be a goal of his to be considered cutting edge. Having many friends who are like Travers, I have seen Natural Born Killers more times than I cared to have. Yes, I enjoyed that film, and feel he is closer to the point of his satire than most young, up and coming writers and directors, but a side from the scene about incest that was filmed with a sitcom’s approach, the film itself was like looking at vomit of celluloid.

Leonard Maltin is absolutely dead on in his description of the film, and when it comes to taking a serious approach to recreate history, Stone delivered with brilliant crane shots of the battlefield, poorly lit night battles. These make the viewer feel that they are seeing the war through the prospective of Chris, the films main character portrayed by Charlie Sheen.

Another great touch was the claustrophobic feel the viewer may get when Chris is being introduced to the marijuana den where the pacifist and crusaders would spend their time at base camp. In contrast, the gung-ho grunts poker den was shot in a way that the viewer is not suppose to feel like one of them.

Aside from the great directing, Stone’s story is one that does not have to be set in Vietnam to deliver. Chris could have been the uptight Godfrey Parker who became a forgotten man known as Godfrey “Duke” Smith, instead of the college drop out who thinks war should not be fought by the people of the lowest class as the Senator’s son is conveniently left from the draft lottery.

It also seems to be a common theme of films about the mean streets where our main character must decide whether to be idealistic or a survivalist. The fact that these classic archetypical elements are delivered by the outstanding supporting cast of Willem Dafoe and Tom Berenger (both received Oscar nomination for the Best Supporting Actor), secure this film is definitely worth anyone’s while.

Platoon is a textbook example on how to make a perfect film. It was perfect for the audience that saw it in 1986 because it was about the experience many of the audience members went through. As stated earlier, brilliant direction, story, and acting allows any movie to stand the test of time in only good ways (as long as it is not tasteless like Stone’s Killers, Spike Lee’s blacks in blackface classic Bamboozled, or even D.W. Griffith’s homage to the KKK, The Birth of a Nation).

This film won the Oscar’s for Best Picture and Director, so I do not know how anyone cannot claim this film as a failure. Not until 1993 did Spielberg win his first Oscar’s in these categories (Schindler’s List), Stanly Kubrick’s films never won an Oscar outside of special effects (2001: A Space Odyssey), and Spike Lee has yet to receive a nomination since Do The Right Thing (1989) with the exception for the documentary 4 Little Girls (1997).

Some say controversy prevented success for Kubrick and Lee with The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, and when one watches Platoon, they maybe right. This was Oliver Stone’s story from Vietnam, a dark time in American history, and it is the dark times that a society cannot afford to forget. The film may relate to many viewers now with the paranoia of Middle Eastern conflicts becoming the current generation’s Vietnam.

Controversy, may have prevented this film from being a must see part of motion picture history, and more importantly, may have deterred people from remembering “Those who fought and died in Vietnam,” the dedication Stone placed at the end of his finest film, Platoon.

Russ Stevens,
rohmobile.com

Let you know that pro wrestling is real,
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Night Junkies: What "Twilight" should be with no increase in quality.

2009-12-12T22:04:00.004-06:00

There is no such thing as a dramatic B-Movie. So nothing that naturally happens due to the low budget can take away from lousy actors giving their heart (and most likely their digestive track) to their role.

Even if a movie is dramatic with an edgy idea and shot on one handheld camera, it may not be classified as Indie. This is especially true when the score and action sequences are reminiscent of every B-Movie made this millennium.

In this state of limbo, one can find Night Junkies, a movie that is the vampiric attempt to address the concept of addiction.

Vincent is a typical addict whose only concern is to get his next hit. Since his addiction is to blood, he has to stay indoors during the day, so developing relationships ends at his clamping down on his victim’s throat, but when he meets the defiant stripper Ruby, he thinks he found the girl of his dreams. Too bad he had to complicate their attraction by taking a nibble out of her.

Now Ruby is a reluctant vampire, but since this is merely an addiction, she sets out to conquer it. Vincent is reluctant of going cold turkey, and when the strip club owner and a wannabe Jack the Ripper are on her tail, having those undead powers may come in handy. It may be more important for Vincent and Ruby to accept what they are at least until no one wants to take vengeance upon them.

There are a lot of great concept introduced in Night Junkies and even the occasionally well written scene, but otherwise the film makes one want to take up an opiate to sit through it. By no means is this a great vampire movie, and since it cannot be that, the addiction storyline fails. Wretched editing and transitional effects that seem to be poor knock offs of those from Highlander: The Series makes it a total mess of a picture. It is honesty a rarity, but Night Junkies is a movie that fails on every level.

If there is anything that can be taken away from Night Junkies, it is what it is like putting up with addiction in the third person. This comes from personal experience, and after a bankruptcy caused by the unappreciative, it is an experience that no one should be a part of. Perhaps if you are considering saving a down and out whore from herself, you should watch Night Junkies. Sitting through movies that no one can appreciate is part of the ordeal, and if you do not have the simple sense to avoid putting up with that, Night Junkies is your Naloxone.

Feast III: The One with an "Ironic" Title

2009-12-10T22:30:00.001-06:00

It is a good thing they chose not to call this film “Happy Ending” because this felt like a legitimate massage. You go through a lot and give up your time to have it, but if you don’t get a release, buy one of those chairs from Sharper Image instead of a Hooter’s waitress that has moved on.

Feast III makes up for Feast II being a low budget film that tried to shoot everything on a soundstage, but blows it on being the Happy Finish to what could have been horror series of the decade. It the end, it just handed the title to Danny Boyle’s pet projects.

The rooftop refugees from the attack of the indeterminate beasts must make their escape. With the additions of the redneck survivalist, the short bus riding prophet who seems to have the ability to ward off the monsters, and the karate expert straight out of the Chuck Norris impersonators era, will they stand a chance against not only the horny and hungry demons, but the breed of zombie that their vomit seems to have created.

Why I did not review Feast II? Because they filmed both of the originals sequels simultaneously, I did not want to pass judgment on the individual parts. Since Feast III, gives the viewers a bigger middle finger than The Sopranos, the second Newhart show, or every other Family Guy episode can offer. This is sad because until that point, the film had made its predecessor worthwhile. If they would have got out the puker angle in this one and the existence of Honey Pie subplot, they could have given us one great movie instead of the par and subpar films Dimension Extreme distributed.

And Jon Gulager could have still had his Sleepaway Camp ending. The ending was done as a laugh, but it feels like the writers just wanted to be done with the franchise. No mariachi number can take the taste of the ending away.

If you purchase the sequels (because Family Video in Morton didn’t carry them), you will initially feel disappointed, then you should then realize the fun that can be had with these. I think it is great when a DVD inspires you to listen to a commentary track, and the third film does that. With the right beer or the right cheap vodka (Sobieski isn’t Svedka, but it’ll work), I’m sure a drinking game can be developed thus making it a worthwhile double feature.

Since Feast II: Sloppy Seconds and Feast III: The Happy Finish do work as great B-Movies, fans of that genre will enjoy these sequels for the ridiculous and gratuitous nature they embrace. These two films do not serve as great Indie movies, so it feels that the writers and director may have underestimated the intelligence of their audience. If you aren’t a niche pictures, buy Feast, and try to find the sequels on the Blockbuster shelves if you dare. As I said dare, don’t put these in the Netflix cue, so that they cannot catch in the mail unaware.

Cravings...Daddy's Girl...Vampire Flick or the Welsh "Crush"

2009-12-09T22:34:00.001-06:00

Lionsgate may have dropped the ball with their DVD release of the Welsh import Daddy’s Girl by renaming it Cravings. Since it was originally released in 2006, the American distributor was probably just trying to capitalize on the belief that actress Jaime Winstone (Donkey Punch) maybe the next great British actress. Horror DVD’s are probably the most rented and it being Lionsgate’s bread and butter, renaming allow it to capture the largest audience. This proves to be misleading because Cravings is not so much thriller or horror feature than Alicia Silverstone’s The Crush. To its credit, Cravings does take the Electra complex to a new level of creepy.

Stephen (Richard Harrington) is a psychotherapist who is just six weeks removed from his wife’s suicide. As a welcome back present, his first new patient is Nina (Winstone), a girl who had slit her wrist on accident. She claims to just be going through that cutting stage of adolescence, but Stephen believes that because she drinks her blood, there is a far more disturbing problem. As Stephen becomes closer to Nina’s mother (Louise Delamere), Nina begins to lash out at everyone who can offer her a taste of the crimson. Being too involved with the case, and still struggling with the grief of his wife’s death, Stephen must stop Nina’s behavior before it cost him his sanity and more.

Cravings is not about vampires in the traditional sense, but it chooses to wait till the 1 hour mark before it disappoints the viewer who was hoping for paranormal action. There is nothing great about the film’s direction and the script had no clue on how to write the characters beyond Stephen and the ghost whispering plumber. Because of this, the story is about Stephen losing his sanity, and the blood sucker with daddy issues is secondary.

This path to lunacy may have been a great premise, but there are not that many things that he can go nuts over. The only poor performance (which may have just been written that way) is that of Delamere who does not know whether or not to be motherly, secretive, or devious, so there is only a suicide and a nutty teen threatening to push him over the edge. Somehow these do not seem to be grand challenge.

As for Winstone’s performance, she offers up her ability to be dynamic, but with no explanation of how she was ever at the low end of the evil spectrum, the script wasted her talent. She is a lovable psycho (okay this critic does not care much for poodles), and like the box art implies, she should have been the focus of the picture.

The American release of Daddy’s Girl is nothing but false advertising to try to promote a possible up-and-coming actress. It is written to poorly to be a great psychological thriller, and it is nothing close to being considered horror. If this lands on cable, it might be worth killing sometime or as background noise, but for those who have an itch for an entertaining DVD, this will not satisfy their cravings.

Boy Eats Girl: Good Porn Title/Bad Zombie Flick

2009-12-08T20:37:00.005-06:00

High school students and zombies, this must sound like a “can’t miss” concept. The Irish/British co-production "Boy East Girls" was not content with having two demographics covered, and drops the ball when it tried to incorporate an "American Pie" coming of age tale into it.

Nathan is a shy student who cannot stop his friends from hassling him when it comes to crush on their best friend Jessica. Eventually, they decide to play cupid by using Nathan’s phone to arrange a meeting between the two. An overprotective father and a douche bag end up ruining the plan, and leaves Nathan believing that Jessica is a slut. Crushed, Nathan flirts around with a pint of whiskey and a noose. Unaware of what he is doing with the music turned up so loud, his mother inadvertently knocks the chair that he was standing on over when she barges into his bedroom.

Like any good mother would do, she decides to borrow the book of voodoo from the secret crypt at the local cathedral, and resurrects her son. Unfortunately, she did not realize that the last page was missing, so she cannot prevent him from craving human flesh. After biting a bully at the end term dance, Nathan has unwittingly unleashed a zombie apocalypse. Hopefully, his mother can find the way to reverse the infection before Nathan and company resort to unleashing the fury of farm equipment in the name of defending the little village and Jessica’s honour.

What writer Derek Landy and director Stephen Bradley failed to realize about zombie comedies is the need to have the humor first and action second. The audience wants to see gore, but they want to be able to laugh at it throughout the entire picture. Instead, "Boy Eats Girl" focuses too much on capturing chase sequences than providing the audience with laughs.

A board with a nail to a zombie skull is funny, but the director cannot leave it at “zombie pulls board off.” Why not have him stumble around a bit since he cannot see? Why not let him trip over a fence shrub and take a header into a wood chipper? These zombies are runners, so it is not like they are going to fall too far behind their prey. Most of the humor comes at the expense of Nathan’s dorky sidekicks. This is not necessarily a bad thing as long as they are attached at the protagonist’s hip. Sadly, that is not the case.

To the film’s credit, the gore is really good, but it only gets a pan over by the director. There are a lot of limbs and entrails to trip over, but the audience is never treated to this. The only thing that would excuse the flaws of this zombie comedy would to have a decent love story, but previews of "Twilight" seem to do a better job at that than this film. Our hero’s is a little too worried about saving the town than winning the girl like any good hero should do.

The title to "Boy Eats Girl" is a brilliant one, but it fails to deliver on the assumed premise. It fails to make fun of high school romance and to have fun with the humorous nature of zombies. It is bland throughout, and the viewers are more likely to take up eating human flesh to get rid of the taste the film leaves them with.

Dance of the Dead: For those who thought "Return of the Living Dead" was too cheesy

2009-12-07T23:12:00.003-06:00

Those Red Box DVD kiosks outside grocery stores and truck stops have to do better when describing their offerings. I cannot remember them mentioning that Ghost House Underground’s Dance of the Dead was a comedy, and with so many clever gimmick zombie flicks dropping the ball in terms of capitalizing on the humor of the walking dead (on a plane, in a prison, in a mall circa 2004, etc.) it is important to tell potential viewers that someone has released a refined version of the original Return of the Living Dead. No, Dance does not have the neon red pubic haired of the cult classic, but it makes up for that by doing everything else the RotLD better.

It seems like it should be common sense not to build a nuclear power plant next to a cemetery, but in a predominantly white community where the son of the police chief is an aspiring backyard wrestler, this idea’s downside can be overlooked. The cemetery’s custodian has been able to keep the reanimated corpse problem under wraps, but one night the high school’s science fiction club just has to give their P.K.E. meter a try, and the recently departed decide that they have to take some kind of action against these meddling kids.

Not content with just terrorizing the geeks, and unable to ignore their hunger, the undead decide to treat the town as a buffet, and the local high school’s prom is the desert table. Now it is up to a slacker, a cheerleader, the class vice president, the yarder and the nerds to take their town back, and prevent too many memorial pages from taking up space in the yearbook.

Dance of the Dead is a pretty down to Earth zombie feature. The story is very linear, so no one will get lost, and the characters are of the same archetypes that the audience cheered for in the John Hughes and American Pie eras of high school comedies. Nothing about the movie is very foreign or intellectually deep, and comes across as more of a PG-13 comic book movie than a horror film. Thankfully, the messiness that comes along with zombies prevents the film from taking itself too seriously and more importantly tiresome.

There is not much depth to the characters, and since this film is not trying to present a message about society (I think we have all grown past the nuclear scare nonsense that Mr. Burns is the mascot for), there does not need to be. If there was, this film would drag along and forget about the necessities of a zombie comedy. A gut busting scene that is too intense for R rated zombie dramas, heroes who have fun dispatching the flesh eaters, gore that is reminiscent to the 80s movies, and hot zombie on zombie action. If there is any problem with the story, it is that the characters seem callous at times because they do not take much time to mourn, but that would waste time in a 95 minute film that is determined to never slow down.

Dance of the Dead is one of those great scripts that just needed to be shot. As long as the effort put behind the gore and the actors just care enough, it should be entertaining. Perhaps if it had a great director and budget behind it, it would have the potential to be as fun as Zombieland, but then it may have also lost the charm of being an excellent B-Movie in an overly A-Movie world.

Botched: How Archeology Movies Should Be

2009-12-06T22:11:00.004-06:00

Kit Ryan’s Botched is the Indiana Jones of horror movies. Maybe not in terms of budget, but never taking itself too seriously and ridiculous misadventures makes it a lot more entertaining than Brendan Frasier or Nicolas Cage’s attempts to play Harrison Ford’s treasure hunter.

Wanting to pay of his family’s debt, Ritchie (Stephen Dorff) returns to his mother’s homeland of Russia to steal a cross that belongs to the descendents of Czar Ivan: The Terrible. When the building’s security becomes aware of the robbery, the lift is stopped on the 13^th floor, trapping Ritchie and anyone unlucky enough to end up in the elevator. After one of the “hostages” is decapitated by a huge set of scissors and viewing the floor’s artwork that would make Leatherface proud lead Ritchie to the realization that everyone has become the targets of the blood thirst of Ivan’s most recent set of grandchildren.

Botched is a great comedy in the tradition of “slashstick” classics like Sam Raimi’s Army of Darkness and Peter Jackson’s Dead Alive. The graphic violence exists to please fans of it, but is never shocking and cannot be considered disturbing. To make it even more enjoyable, there is no CG mixed with the effects, so it seems more visceral. And like Dead Alive, the human leftovers become great comedic props as the film progresses.

When the robbery and ancient artifacts are added to the gory mix, the film is given a quest like feel. This is amazing since this film follows the best rule of horror settings; keep the action limited to a limited space. Beyond the exposition and resolution, the film is limited to hall ways and small rooms, so the killers do not have to look too hard to find their prey, but the prey can use the space to trap their hunters.

Since the film is obviously limited to a sound stage, it has B-Movie charm with A-Movie qualities. Dorff plays the protagonist as someone who prides himself on being cool, collective, but most importantly selfish. This is a job to him, he does not want anyone to die, but he does not want to fail in his mission. Unlike Frasier in The Mummy or Cage in National Treasure, he accepts the fact he is just a thief. With Dorff’s natural coolness, the audience relates to him and hope he ends up with the girl, but they know that is not the point of the film.

Most importantly, the film features no moments where it takes itself seriously. It wants the audience to cheer the humor and the gore, and that is all. Movies like the Jones knock offs have their sappy moments to pull at the heart strings while this one does not take any short cuts in its literal heart grabbing action.

Botched works on so many levels that anyone should find a reason to enjoy it. Get pass the gore and accept that it is there for a punch line, and is definitely worth anyone’s time. And because we all liked him in the original Blade, we should feel obligated to give any Dorff film that’s title has more than three characters in it title a chance.

Donkey Punch: A great what if movie

2009-12-05T22:24:00.004-06:00

It seems that British cinema will allow for anything to be filmed as long as it has a strong moral message. Oliver Blackburn’s "Donkey Punch" teaches that the western culture derived practice of the missionary is safest while providing the audience with gratuitous nudity (for both genders to enjoy), graphic violence, and "John Carpenter’s Halloween’s" extreme punishment for the partaking in vices.

Tammi’s friends Lisa and Kim decide that she needs a break from the monotony and cheating boyfriends of Leeds, so they take a holiday to Spain’s Mediterranean coast. Being college kids, they decide to party in stereotypical fashion, drinking and flirting. During their bar hopping, they meet up with the four man British crew of a yacht, and Lisa decides that is the perfect place to party. Drinks are poured, drugs are had, and kinky story are told. With all of the influences, the girls head for the master bedroom for an amateur video session with three of the guys, and they all find out that some of the sex acts are just myths when one of the girls is accidentally killed.

The boys are not supposed to be away from port, and the girls cannot not be allowed release the tape, so the crew has to come up with a way to hide what happened. With all the actions to conceal the crime, distrust reigns over the boat, and it soon becomes every person for themselves. The question soon changes from what story will be told to the authorities to who is going to survive to tell it.

If the intense moments were not so infrequent, "Donkey Punch" would be the ultimate tribute to John Carpenter. It treats all of the characters as if they were in a late 70s early 80s horror flick, but ultimately the “trust no one” attitude will decide the characters’ fate. The violence is clever and the transition from the first to second act is awesome. Problems with the script occur when unity among the characters breaks down, and the audience has to sit through a lot of dragged out attempts to create clever twists.

Carpenter would have killed a character and immediately prepare the audience to get ready for the next death. The audience is anticipating who will turn evil next instead of why they are going to turn to the dark side. Blackburn spends too much time on the why, and the film suffers. It is clear that the story will become boys versus girls, so let us cut to the showdowns. Of course that would make the picture only 75 minutes long, but sometimes less is more.

If you are not in the mood to rent a horror film, "Donkey Punch" is a good psychological alternative. It is by no means Alfred Hitchcock, Brian de Palma, or Christopher Nolan, but it delivers on what most people seek when they go to the video store. Gore, nudity, and a slightly above par script make it tolerable and it has an extra bonus the casual viewer. It is technically foreign cinema, so they have expanded their viewing horizons across the Atlantic.

Assassination of a High School President: Because there wasn't enough jail bait in "The Usual Suspects"

2009-12-03T22:16:00.003-06:00

The 2008 Sundance Film Festival hit, "Assassination of a High School President" wide release was prevented due to its own ambitions. Not having the finances to be distributed on the big screen, DVD has now allowed audiences to see what would be considered the “Heathers” of this generation. Finally, there is a film that allows all of us to forget about the mockery that the "High School Musical" trilogy made of the first truly turbulent time in all of our lives.

“Assassination of a High School President” successfully brings crime drama to a realm that almost every audience can relate to. Nothing in this film seems too farfetched, and its brilliant script and performances should be able to keep the attention of any movie goer. The most impressive thing about this film is that witty to enough to allow the viewer to accept a story that centers around: sex, drugs and violence all involving teenagers. A must see form fans of modern film noir, and those who embrace “American Pie” as the film that defines their generation.

Against the Dark: Steven Seagal lazyly fights the Undead

2009-12-02T20:52:00.001-06:00

What does not sound good about this premise? Steven Seagal faces off against vampires with the support of Linden Ashby (Johnny Cage from Mortal Kombat) and Keith David. This sounds like made for video gold as long as it can deliver regardless of whether or not the director gives is all. Unfortunately, Against the Dark fails on box art promises and fails to give us vampires or enough Seagal.

It is not like there is not enough of him to go around no matter how the dark and claustrophobic try to cover it. The story focuses on the survival of six people trying to escape a hospital filled with the infected. The only thing vampiric about these monsters is they stay out of the sun light and occasionally try to reason (a total of three times in 94 minutes), otherwise they are pretty much running zombies. Seagal and his group of hunters are only out to kill these confuse undead and they show up every now and then, but by no means truly intricate to the plot especially since out protagonist never decide to stick with the bad asses.

Why did critics ever knock Don Bluth for only offering 80 minute movies? Any short cuts to the ending would have been great in this film that seems to be nothing more than Seagal acceptance that he is over the hill and fat.

Yes, swordplay is expected when one is dealing with paranormal opponents, but Seagal’s main appeal is him throwing bad guys to horrid deaths. The audience has to wait 90 minutes for that, and all he does is throw a few of them through walls. Most of the other action is provided by Tanoai Reed (stunt double/part-time actor) along with the only joke in the picture. With the limited screen time leaves me with the assumption that Seagal cannot physically cut it anymore. Nothing about Seagal’s character is explored making this picture the ultimate bait and switch especially since David and Ashby are not kicking any ass.

Against the Dark knows that it wanted to have the nocturnal undead and that is all. It could not decide what it wanted to do with them. It is not “Marked for Death with Vampires,” and it is not “Under Siege with Vampires.” Either of those plots could have been improved with the homonus-nocturna, but without Seagal willingness to fulfill the needs of these premises, it ends up being a bad B-movie without a sense of humor.

The Midnight Meat Train - Takes us back to a better, bloodier time.

2009-12-01T23:25:00.001-06:00

To bring Generation X back to our teenage renting practices might be what Lionsgate was looking for with Ryuhei Kitamura’s adaptation of a Clive Barker short story The Midnight Meat Train. This was the time in their life when they would either go to a movie, or only visit the horror movie aisle of a video store and try to decide which film offered the coolest gore and quintessential nudity.

When a hip art dealer (Brooke Shields) tells Leon (Bradley Cooper of The Hangover) that he is failing at a photographer, and suggest that he needs to be brave to capture New York City the way it really is. Convinced of this, Leon goes out late at night to shoot its seedier elements.

During this quest to capture the dark side of NYC, he winds up crossing the path of a Mahogany (Vinnie Jones of Snatch and Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels), a loner who always rides the 2:05 am train, and the one a missing fashion model was last seen boarding. Leon decides to follow him to piece together his case that he is culprit, and ends ups taking his girlfriend and himself to even darker subject matter.

When occult elements start appearing in the film, it leads one to believe that the story could not have had the photographer’s quest play as big of a part in its original form. We are discussing Clive Barker material, and he must always have a demonic element to his tales, so detective work inevitably end up being secondary like in 1995’s Lord of Illusions. Demons are what his films usually advertise, so when they appear the viewer wonders, “did we need a twist?”

Especially when Kitamura had presented a scene that should give any horror fan me a gorgasm 20 minutes in. The action sequences are where the direction shines making sure never to waste any uses of the gore which allows for an awesome climax too each scene. Otherwise, there was a lot of extra time taken for each shot which drags the film a bit. These shots are beautiful with their selective lighting, but just because the crew took a lot of time to get the scene to look great, does not mean you have to shoot the hell out of them.

The actors do a great job presenting the film. Cooper does what Ryan Reynolds tries to do with each one of his dramatic roles. That is presenting his straight character with a degree of arrogance that his comic characters seem to possess. It makes the viewer root for him instead of shouting at the screen, “you are as valid an actor as Dane Cook is.” Vinnie Jones is awesome as Mahogany being the mysterious, unbeatable fellow who leaves us wondering what his story is.

The Midnight Meat Train misses a lot of chances to be the perfect slasher flick, but unforgettable horror sequences make this a must view by the genre’s fans. The DVD offers a commentary track by Clive Barker and Ryuhei Kitamura which may explain the abuses of talent, along with featurettes including one about Barker. These make the purchase of the DVD a meaty banquet for Barker’s fans, but only a shameful treat for any other film goers. The Midnight Meat Train is enjoyable, but not because it is a cinematic gem.

July and August Movies 2009

2009-11-12T10:01:00.005-06:00

The last two months of summer are usually the best time for movie releases till after Thanksgiving. Audiences only deal with minimal blockbuster BS, and are treated to films that are just main stream enough to make money and earn accolades.

July 10:

Bruno - It did not seem to get the same reception as Sacha Baron Cohen's last starring vehicle, Borat. There may have been a backlash towards the exploitative style of film making, but critics were not overly harsh to the project, but not as rabid as they'd been for Borat. Still, Cohen might be the contender for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical when he Golden Globes come around.
I Love You, Beth Cooper - A PG-13 movie about teenage corruption is a paradox. It should not happen. With the more intelligent Assassination of a High School President making it to DVD this fall, this film will hopefully be forgotten even though I cannot say it was necessarily bad.

July 24:

G-Force - I had fun watching this film. The only thing I would complain about is that it wasn't completely animated. People who were cast as people instead of rodents were done so because they look odd. Bill Nighy was cast because he's a creepy Brit, and Zach Galifianakis looks funny. None of their abilities as actors are used, so why not take the time to just draw these caricatures?
Orphan - A tried horror concept in a time of bad horror movies. This is not a good thing.
The Ugly Truth - Katherine Heigl in R-Rated comedies seems to work, and it would be nice to see Gerard Butler portray someone who is not shouting all the time. Otherwise, nothing unique about this flick.

July 31:

Aliens in the Attic - Enough with the damn aliens this year. Didn't we just have a cute live action animated flick?
The Collector - Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan might be the smartest minds in horror, but if the film is not as intense as the latter Saw trilogy, it can't be good. Still, when Saw is mentioned, awards won't be.
Funny People - It is a film that could have crossed Apatow over to serious cinema, but I haven't anyone say that it did.

August 7:

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - I like their tie in to Toys for Tots this year, but that is the only good to come from this film.
Julia & Julia - This film may further Amy Adam's career with Golden Globe contention, but otherwise it is a chick flick. An overly sophisticated one, but a vagina venture none-the-less.
A Perfect Getaway - I wanted to check this one out as a Milla Jovovich fan. Who wouldn't be curious about what her film might be with a genuine supporting cast? Provided they hadn't seen The Messenger. Still, Jovovich is strictly niche, so this was kind of pointless to be distributed by anyone aside from Magnolia, First Look Studios, or ThinkFilm.

August 14:

Bandslam - Nothing more than capitalizing on the lack of a HSM film.
District 9 - If Moon did not come out this year, this would be the best sci-fi movie of the decade. The effects are hit or miss, butt bringing modern issues into sci-fi and doing it well is masterful. Still, the term sci-fi won't give you the 10th spot at the Oscars.
Ponyo - It definitely can be argued as the best animated feature this year.
The Time Traveler's Wife - It is sad to see that Rachel McAdam's is stuck in these chick films. This film will be overshadowed on all levels. Julia & Julia takes the chick audience, District 9 takes the geeks.

August 21:

Inglourious Basterds - Moon is the only film that may be better than this one, but Basterds has the advantage of being so huge. This better be the Weinstein's best picture spot.
Post Grad - Another chick flick. Who had the bright idea to sell a picture with only one of the chicks from The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants?
Shorts - Basterds is a long flick, so I don't know why Robert Rodriguez would release a flick the same time his good friend Quentin Tarantino released one. It's not like the kids could watch Shorts while the parents watched Basterds. Did the failure of The Grindhouse create a rift between the two?

August 28:

This week was devoted to horror movies. One was a crappy 3-D flick, the other was one from a director who doesn't understand terror. As a fan of Cinema, I don't know how will get this one back. Ang Lee chose the wrong weekend to get weird.

May and June Movies 2K9

2009-10-22T10:40:00.004-05:00

It took me a while to even want to go out and see the new releases in these months. My blog At the gimmick because we can't call them movies can sum the reasoning behind this up. I may just be too jaded, but it's tough to go see a blockbuster?

Effects are first and substance second. George Lucas proved to us that we can have both, but is Hollywood out to prevent a massive nerd population from developing? Surely, science fiction is not the only genre that can provide us with substance and special effects. Perhaps if we just keep Michael Bay from the director's chair, we can move forward in the quest to create excellent blockbusters.

May 1, 2009

Battle for Terra - Lousy title (is it sci-fi or Indy romantic comedy) and lousy promotion. A 3-D movie, and I didn't even know of it until I saw it on the shelves of Wal-Mart.
Ghost of Girlfriends Past - Could have been a clever Russell Brand/Paul Rudd project, but someone decided that they had to throw millions into a Matthew McConaughey project.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine - Once again, I refer you to At the gimmick because we can't call them movies

May 8, 2009

Next Day Air - Now I think Mos Def could be good in this offering, but modern blacksploytation never works.
Star Trek - Once again, I refer you to At the gimmick because we can't call them movies

May 15, 2008

Angels and Demons - I'm not a fan of using religion as a book gimmick thus I don't see how the gimmick will translate to the silver screen.

May 22, 2009

Dance Flick - It is great to see the Wayans Brothers had returned to what made the Scary Movie franchise, and that they are not starring the weaker bros Marlon and SW1. Still, it's a gimmick flick, so greatness is unlikely.
Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian - A great improvement over its predecessor which was a good film, but to much chaos to be art.

May 29, 2009

The Brothers Bloom - I did not even here about this film. Since it had a limited release the week prior, I suppose it is an Indie flick that may need recognition?
Drag Me To Hell - I heard that this film was not a bad return to horror for Evil Dead's Sam Raimi, but why did it have to be PG-13? No slashstick comedy? No Bruce Campbell?
Up - Check out the blog "Up: The Emergence Perpendicular Citizens Brigade."

June 5, 2009

The Hangover - Todd Phillips shows that he can deliver awkward comedy better than Jud Apatow, but this shows why comedy doesn't get nominations.
Land of the Lost - When my mom says it was wretched...
My Life in Ruins - There will be no My Big Fat Greek Comeback.

June 12, 2009

Imagine That - An ad campaign cannot be limited to your network of channels. Nickelodeon had one chance at Oscar and that was Jimmy Neutron. I think we would all want to forget about that.
The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 - I don't see Travolta as a marketable cool villain after Swordfish.

June 19, 2009

The Proposal - There are no great Ryan Reynolds pictures.
Year One - I've heard nothing but bad things about this flick. How can you mess up a movie where you have David Cross playing Cain.

June 26, 2009

My Sister's Keeper - Cameron Diaz in a tear jerker. I'd be slitting my wrist if it was that or see this flick.

I now notice that I didn't cover Terminator Salvation. Darn those Thursday international release dates. It is a solid acting picture, and allows us to forget about Terminator 3. Of course continuity errors prevent us from comparing it to Cameron's greatest pictures. Since those films were under appreciated by award shows, this doesn't stand a chance.

So, I have two more of the blogs before the semester ends. Since I have an insurance website I'm working on, I'm not going to push this blog to cover another month because I can't get CPUsed up. Till next time.

Zombieland: The Uncut Critique

2009-10-17T17:24:00.004-05:00

I cannot say that I am happy with the Arts and Entertainment editor of ICC's Harbinger student news paper. My review for Zombieland is the second one in which he has cut out my introduction (the other being my review of for Inglourious Basterds), and after reviewing the finer points of my last review also, he does not feel it necessary to include my knowledge and personal opinions to further rave about why one should see the films.

If my reviews were over a page long, I'd understand. Heck, I'd cannot say that I'd be miffed if he cut out 46 words to make it an even five hundred. But without incite into my incites, my reviews are no better than those of quote whores (since he also decided to omit mentioning that I wrote a negative review for The Informant!) and as bland as the reviews the Journal Star pulls of the AP wire to simply have movie reviews.

And I believe that what is omitted is done to allow an image that takes up too much space in the paper that is relative to the film. It was a virtual spread for Brad Pitt in my Basterds review that did not share the page with any other stories in it's issue. When it comes to my Zombieland review, it seemed unnecessary to put the image featured in the review when it was already used on the front page of the paper.

We read the opinions of certain critics not because they are good critics, but because the great critics have their personality attached to them. I maybe damning future publication in this section of the Harbinger by saying that my articles are not news and I'm not a journalist. They are suppose to be an expression of who is writing it, not the paper that wants to avoid offending anyone at all cost. If I wanted to write bland stuff like what I feel my reviews have been treated, I would not have dropped Creative Writing with instructor C....

Alright. Enough ranting, let me get to what you all came to see, my review for the Jesse Eisenberg vehicle, Zombieland.

It has been too long since an American zombie movie worthy of mainstream attention was released, but Zombieland fills that void. Graphic violence, never taking itself too seriously, and ridiculous premises make this movie what director Zack Snyder (Watchmen, 300) was trying to capture with his 2004 remake of Dawn of the Dead.

In the not so distant future, the zombie apocalypse has occurred. It has turned the United States into Zombieland, a place where people are only known by the city they are trying to reach so that no one gets too attached to potential meals to the undead.

This is a story about Columbus Ohio (Jessie Eisenberg), a paranoid, Mountain Dew Code Red drinking, WOW obsessed underclassman who is hoping to make friends and find his family for the first time in his life. He’s stays alive by following his 32 rules to survive zombie attacks and befriending Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), a crazed zombie killer in search of the last package of Twinkies in existence. After they are hijacked by the sisters Wichita and Little Rock (Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin), they all decide that Southern California and its Pacific Playland Amusement Park is the perfect location to celebrate their survival skills.

Zombieland is very similar at least in spirit to Shaun of the Dead, but is definitely not as subtle or restrained with its humor. Like Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead trilogy, all of the gore is suppose to be humorous in some form, but the humor beyond that is constant throughout the film, and there is no reason for the audience to stop laughing out loud throughout it.

This film follows all of the rules to a great zombie film, and the violence featured is never wasted. It is actually closer in attitude to the original Dawn of the Dead. There is always to be fun from enjoying unbridled consumption (Woody Harrelson’s brilliant performance emphasizes that), but in the end a realization that there is something more important than being comfortable. Snyder’s remake focused so much on shocking the audience that he only glanced over these elements in a single montage. The most glaring flaw of Snyder’s film is that he does not take time to use to have fun with the limited space the characters are confined to. A zombie trying to survive an amusement park is far more entertaining than buses trying to escape a parking deck.

The ultimate irony of Zombieland is that director Ruben Fleischer is able to capture the film using a style very reminiscent to Snyder’s great comic book movies. Zombieland feels like there is a great mind for film behind the camera instead of a guy best known for working on the crews of Jimmy Kimmel Live! and writing episodes of MTV2’s Rob and Big.

Zombieland is a celebration of gore and humor that is brilliantly captured on film. Because the film focuses on having fun with graphic violence while Shaun of the Dead was more of a parody of the genre, this may not only be the best zombie comedy of the decade, but the best zombie film since 28 Days Later. I hope your cardio (zombie survival rule #1) is good, because fans of comedy should rush to see Zombieland.

March and April Movie 2K9

2009-10-08T09:28:00.003-05:00

I was still catching up with the 2008 Oscar race at this time. Slumdog Millionaire one weekendMilk the next The Wrestler following. With the exception of Watchmen, these were months that I regret not figuring out a way to live in Wrigleyville to avoid all the holiday fodder. This blog maybe fun to write just to know what I was skipping, because lets face it, nothing that is suppose to be in Top 10 list is released prior to May and for the most part November.

March 6, 2009

The only wide release was Watchmen. As a hater of The Dark Knight (it is hard to not want to not want to defile Ledger's memory for costing Mickey Rourke his Oscar), I'd like to note that Christopher Nolan's film had to at least withstand the competition of Mamma Mia!, when no one challenged Zack Snyder's film. Watchmen has more haters than DK, but it also had more supporters than detractors. If it was not released so early in the year, it could have put Snyder up as a dark horse for best director.

March 13, 2009

Miss March - Some say this ruined The Whitest Kids You Know. I am just disappointed that they could not have come up with a better concept to be juvenile about.
The Last House on the Left - Has there ever been a good remake of a Wes Craven picture? I would like to also mention despite the support for the original, Ingmar Bergman's The Virgin Spring was the basis and one of Bergman's film that does not seem to have many claiming it to be pretentious.
Race To Witch Mountain - The Rock (who wants to be known as Dwayne?) has only had one film not to open at #1, but he has never done any films that were not popcorn features (except for Southland Tales, but that didn't make it to wide release).

March 20, 2009

Duplicity - Clive Owens cannot open a film in the states, so why would anyone pay attention to what seemed to be a clever picture.
I Love You Man - Gross out comedies never get a fair shake. This was the director, John Hamburg, first film after five years of only doing television, and it probably shows.
Knowing - Flaws that cannot be overcome discussed in my review for Bangkok Dangerous.

March 27, 2009

12 Rounds - WWE is holding back the possible acting career of John Cena by putting him in a sharkless Renny Harlin film.
The Haunting In Connecticut - Virginia Madsen should have never attempted to return to the mainstream.
Monsters vs. Aliens - It sounded like a dumb concept and the title will keep it out of contention for best animated feature, but the more I see of it, the better it gets.

April 3, 2009

Adventureland - Ryan Reynolds should never be associated with the word Oscar.
Fast & Furious - How can anyone take a picture that has the same title as one of its prequels seriously?
Sunshine Cleaning - I really wished it would have been longer and taken more risks. It may have allowed the actresses to shine more.

April 10, 2009

Dragonball: Evolution - No one stopped this film when they determined that they would cast a white kid to play Goku?
Observe and Report - If one mall cop movie will not get any love, why should the other?

April 17, 2009

17 Again - An attempt to capitalize on High School Musical and nothing more.
Crank: High Voltage - When will Jason Statham want to be taken seriously?
State of Play - I think Russell Crowe and Ben Affleck have worn out their welcome.

April 24, 2009

Fighting - Will anyone take the time to make a good MMA movie? When will the sport stop letting people associate it with street fighting?
Obsessed - PG-13 stalker movies never work.
The Soloist - It almost seems that winning an Oscar is a bad thing because I've yet to take interest in Jamie Fox, Crowe, and Affleck's careers after their wins. Also, you cannot release a drama this early in the year and hope it will be remembered. Usually, an early release is a nice way of saying, "Sorry we didn't push you for 2008's awards."

Diary of the Dead: Romero's Latest Relevant Zombie Flick

2009-10-06T10:09:00.007-05:00

George A Romero has established the need for a gimmick when it comes to zombie flicks, but it is hard to say that he had done a unique one after his first two Night of the Living Dead and Dawn of the Dead. Day of the Dead upped the gore and explained what was going on with the apocalypse, but was nothing more than that. Land of the Dead was a clever story about the struggles between the have and the have nots (being living or undead), but played out like any other action flick.

Romero realized that he had to close the book on his first set of films, and that he has never had directorial success without them, so in 2007 Romero took a new approach and perhaps even found a new political message with Diary of the Dead.

Nine Pitt film students and their professor are filming a mummy flick based around all of the old cliches when they first hear reports of the dead coming back to life. Some are skeptical, and who wouldn't be with the mainstream news media and the Internet amateur video telling different stories.

Regardless of what is going on they have decided that they have to try making it to their homes, so they all reluctantly load up in a Winnebago except for the movie's director who cannot help but document the events that have fallen into his lap. Trying to convince his colleagues that it is the right thing to do is as much of a challenge as surviving the threats of the undead.

Diary of the Dead is the best example of the charm that Romero can offer since Night of the Living Dead. The film has to be done on the cheap because it has to be out of the necessity to make it look like a student film, but this also forces the director to make every shot worthwhile so that it doesn't end up being as boring as a stereotypical student documentary.

People who find the drama that takes place between the protagonists in other Romero films, namely NotLD, to be boring will be pleased that there is almost a lack of drama. Good documentaries can't script drama, so Romero avoids having too many interactions between the characters. This may leave them as seemingly shallow, but also allows them to be charactures which are the best things to have in a horror flick. Everything then becomes tongue and cheek, so the audience can sit back, enjoy the ride, and not care whether a person lives or dies as long as the demise is fun.

Demises in Diary are fun, but do not offer the same visceral pleasure they once had. A lot of the effects are dependent on computers and the transition from video game to Savini has yet to be mastered. That is even true in Zombieland. All the exploding heads are shot from wide angles or are only implied. Fortunately, Romero's violence is still clever enough that we can overlook how we got to the corn syrup, just as long as we get to it.

If there is one thing that did not go over well with Diary of the Dead, it is the need to incorporate footage from outside the main story. It is important to have some, but the overuse of stock footage makes it overly preachy. The message of the confusion created by mass media is easily understood, so the viewer would rather focus on the film making concept instead of the grand picture.

Diary of the Dead might be the most important zombie flick since 28 Days Later. It understands that zombies are for political messages and graphic violence, and it delivers on both. George A. Romero has finally recaptured what he had accomplished 30 years ago, and hopefully he will continue this with this year's release Survival of the Dead.

Movies of 2009 Thus Far

2009-10-01T10:35:00.006-05:00

I found a tweet last night from film critic Chris Gore (best known, or at least I know him from G4's Attack of the Show) about Zombieland

With 10 possible Best Picture nominees, @Zombieland has a chance at Oscar gold! Badassawesome! A zombie wave4u: http://tinyurl.com/y8wpd7a

Certainly this is a satirical statement, but because of that, it leaves me to wonder about the quality of movies this year. Can a zombie flick (not directed by George A. Romero) be one of the ten best films this year?

So, lets partake with a week by week break down of what has been offered by Hollywood.

January 2 (based on information gathered from film-releases.com:

Only movies that were released were limited to the coasts. Can't base any conclusions from that.

January 9

Bride Wars - Why we should be happy the Oscars snubbed Hudson and Hathaway.
Not Easily Broken - I like to be behind Billy Duke, but wrong ethnicity for subject matter. Take the Color Purple as an example. Especially when no one dare cross Oprah.
The Unborn - Classic issue of a great writer being a wretched director.

January 16

Hotel for Dogs - at least the kids get something.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop - I saw it, liked it, but it ain't art.
Notorious - Give me a break. Tupac was at least kind enough to leave us a great performance in Juice.
My Bloody Valentine 3-D - Unless you are producing for Disney World, stay away from the format.

January 23

Inkheart - Drawings and Brendan Frasier? I didn't remember Monkey Bone working out.
Underworld - Rise of the Lycans - British actors in sci-fi are never taken seriously. I've rented Doomsday, so I'll find out if we can take the Kate Beckingsale knock off seriously.

January 30

New In Town - When my Midwest conservative mom cannot relate, it must have missed its mark (or she get thrown off by "abooots" and "ehs")
Taken - This was technically released in 2008, and action movies never win Oscars.

February 6

Coraline - I've probably seen this movie in its entirety, but when you have to deal with an overly involved two year-old, I can't say I know what it is about. Still, the buzz at least secures it a Best Animated Feature Nomination (which it will either lose to Up or Ponyo). The only bad thing I can say about it is the 3-D bull shit it embraces. If it proved appropriate for a two year-old, I can tell you that the audience could care less about 3-D. The glasses annoy them.
He's Not That in to You - Made for dates, not for accolades.

February 13

I've actually wrote a couple blogs about this weekend:

February 20

Fired Up - PG-13 humor about R-Rated characters always fails (with the exception of Dude, Where's My Car?)
Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail - If you don't screen your films for critics, then they aren't art.

February 27

Jonas Brothers The Bull Shit Concert Experience
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li - Since Street Fighter is the best video game franchise, I'm sure I'll rent it, but I'm not expecting Tai Chi Master or Hard-Boiled.

After breaking two months down, and stretching the capabilities of what should be considered website guidelines, I'll continue this blog the next time Gary Hale tells us to work on them. I would love feedback though. Perhaps, I'm just being too harsh, but keep in mind that this was still Oscar season, so if it wasn't talked about, it won't be talked about for the rest of the year.

Kristy Swanson: A Tragic Detour to My SLC Punk Coverage

2009-09-29T19:27:00.004-05:00

As I wait to watch my SLC Punk DVD at 9am, I flip through the channels, so I could have some background noise as I write down some preliminary thoughts.

Before I settle on Ninja Warrior, I flipped through the Encore movie channels and find out something disturbing. Kristy Swanson was the star of Mannequin 2: On the Move.

She really had no hope of making the A-List. One can claim that she had her chances to make it, and lord knows she tried (like the sex scene in The Chase). But when you are portraying a character because Kim Cattrall turned it down, and you portrayed another one that Joss Whedon was dying to rewrite, sympathy is all that her adoring public can offer.

Was she too static? That explains the MOTM role. Or did she just have a lousy agent? Only the made for video fan can say.

With the stiff resume (I would imagine Flowers in the Attic needed a bit more emotion, so that we would remember more about the film than the subtle implication of incest), her beauty ends up betraying her. If only she could butch up a bit, she may have been the Buffy cast member with two academy awards instead of Hilary Swank.

When I think about her one dimensional resume I think about what my preliminary paragraphs/observations about SLC Punk were going to include. Unfortunately, I throw myself off on this rant about Ashton and Seann William's supporting actress/boob joke, I have to put off my review of the film on hold.

In essence, that is the plot of SLC Punk, putting things off with "appropriate" excuses. Kristy Swanson lets travel around the world, just you and me, punk rock girl.

Wanted - What the Wachowskis Should Be Directing

2009-09-26T19:11:00.005-05:00

Timur Bekmambetov had reformulated the Vampire clan genre, and in his first American effort since 2002, he tries to reinvent the action films that the Wachowski Bros. pioneered. His premise behind Wanted and its "whoa" worth action sounds cooler because who needs Agent Smith when you have Morgan Freeman with a potty-mouth.

1000 years ago, a group of weavers found a language in the thread counts. Since a loom cannot think, the weavers determined that the message was fate ordering them to kill the evil doers it would list. They formed The Fraternity, a creed of assassins who believe if they kill one person, they may save a thousand.

The top assassin of the group has been murdered by the rogue member, Cross (Thomas Kretschmann). To save the order, Sloan (Morgan Freeman) and Fox (Angelina Jolie) determine that training the unknowing son of the deceased, Wesley (James McAvoy), is the best chance to stop this threat. Will Wesley be able to abandon the exciting world of account manager, and save the world, or is he working towards being Cross's next victim?

Wanted was the perfect story for Bekmambetov to adapt. How does one top "The Chalk of Fate"? With the binary spewing loom of course. He may not have the demonic forces, but that cannot stop him from creating a super human world based around inanimate objects.

Without the powers of the netherworld, this story is not as believable as the "Watch" series, and even a little tacky at some points. The visual effects are poor, but Bekmambetov knows hows to direct the action which allows the audience to suspend their disbelief.

His ability to direct action so well allows the audience to ignore the fact that not much happens once Wesley gets into the killing business. It builds up to a great climax, but the best scenes are how he learns to be a super human bad ass.

The super human bad ass premise may prove to be a distraction to the story. This flick's commercials made me want to buy a hand gun to try and curve bullets, but as I watch what Wesley experiences, it left me wondering how to get my heart pumping at 400 beats per second.

This maybe why there is a lull in the second act. We will talk the possibilities of being the weapons of fate out of ourselves just in time for the climax.

The only other complaint I can have against the film is that it doesn't have the same Russian charm as Bekmambetov's other works. Chicago was a great domestic equivalent (as many directors know) but there are just too many white collars to have the subcultural enjoyment he had delivered previously.

Wanted is this decade's Commando. No, that is not a bad thing when mindless action makes sense and the actors actually have to act. It is also a fresh take on the ridiculous Matrix inspired genre. This is a great popcorn stuffing film that even makes the audience think a bit like all of Bekmambetov's movies do. Just make sure you do not bite your tongue.

Bangkok Dangerous: Do You Want To See the Hits or the Man?

2009-09-22T18:24:00.006-05:00

If Scorcese was able to take Infernal Affairs, and make it the best picture of 2006, what prevents a Coppola produced retooling of Bangkok Dangerous from being worthwhile. Sure, BD is using the original directors, the Pang Brothers, who have proven that Japanese horror isn't the only Asian cinema that won't work in the States (these Chinese minds were behind The Eye), but this film can certainly overcome this because we have an R-Rated Nicolas Cage.

Cage is the hero of the only good Michael Bay film, The Rock, and if you combine him with Bruckheimer, you are guaranteed box office gold (the R-Rated Cage, not the PG-13 version). If you want to bring up Windtalkers, I just chalk that one up to another career ruined by Scientology. John Woo has yet to recover from MI2.

I'm not expecting Hard-boiled, I'll settle for Shoot 'Em Up in Southeast Asia. The DVD menus seem to promise that at the very least. We have a versatile A-Lister and the original directors, so cultural differences shouldn't bog this flick down. Perhaps the stars have aligned for what can only be escapism with Bangkok Dangerous.

Joe is a hitman who is losing his stomach for the profession. When the mob in Bangkok offers him four jobs in the city, he thinks this will be his out. A chance to quit living out of a suitcase, train an idealistic protege, and land him a sweet little Asian girl who can't talk back. As long as he doesn't cross the boss or break his rules, what can go wrong?

Bangkok Dangerous is the third project in a row that Nicolas Cage has produced that is flawed at the very least. I would say advice him to at least start writing the films he puts him money behind to avoid this. Discount some of the films Sylvester Stallone wrote while he was the biggest draw in Hollywood, I cannot say I dislike any of his scripts before or after that era. Cage needs to show that kind of pride to avoid films that may only be written poorly.

Even in the "killer's curtain call genre," the killer wants to be liked. Not just by a love interest or reluctant ally, but by the audience. In other words, the character has to be cool instead of idealistic.

Fumbling around trying to be normal may be realistic, but if they know how to attack while being innovative, they will not impress us by their first bite of Thai food. I guess what I'm trying to say, the hitman should enjoy the conflict he is in. If they can crack wise regardless of whether they are hot or cold towards a situation, then they are Mariano Rivera. The answer is 42.

Most of the action is quick and utilizes the Pangs' talent for mise en scene. Once the conflict kicks in, then we can appreciate the killer instinct. Too bad they use François Truffaut's 400 Blows approach without the childish antics to get there.

If you appreciate Cage, one will sit through the Bangkok Dangerous because it does a good job delivering the inner turmoil the writer wants you to relate to. Perhaps this is suppose to be the hitman picture to capture what one should feel being a killer for hire, but with a name that features Bang and Danger in it, this is not what one expects to see. If you liked Caster Troy, this one will not be for you.

Another Example of My Longwinded, Pesimistic Nature

2009-09-01T09:04:00.006-05:00

Saturday, October 13, 2007: Missing organs? Rant ends at paragraph 15, subject start at 16

Current mood: restless

Stuck awake, depressed, and I probably made a mistake by watching Saw 2 before bed time.

Can you blame me for being hard on myself? Those who do not appreciate life do not deserve it.
Great, now I gotta replace the bulletin title, it feels like a rant.

Why do I want to be a writer? I haven't put much thought into that. Really, the concept came from being declared as the total mainstream outcast from a few personality test. A weirdo, eh? Let's run with it.

So I'm stuck in ICC's Creative Writing (short stories) with a poor instructor who believes that my sense of humor is that of a scumbag. I guess a more accurate description would be from his critique of my first story that was A work with an unjust B grade.

Hey, it may not have been publishable (that's what rewrites are for), but compared to what I workshopped in class:

"There is nothing funny about these horrific events. Characters that make light of it are scumbags."

I admit my second work was not A quality, or B, I think C quality (again, rewrites), but the story was great, and readable, but his ignorance to appreciate it bugs me.

After all this, let me just say, this is more of a journal than a literary work. So fuck you for fucking nitpicking.

Now that my teacher isn't going to teach the class, I am really considering (and did) dropping it. Actually, it's not the lack of teaching, it's that the work I'm working on doesn't feel like mine.

Incorporating static stereotypical characters in my tale, took away from the inner struggle that I pride myself on. More important making light of the struggle.

I didn't get much joy in turning a junky into a obese bastard. Some addictions are not universal I guess. From my experience, they can walk hand in hand. Just look at Carrie Clifton.

Is it wrong for wanting the world to know what kind of cunt she is? At least till she has proven otherwise is my position. But still documentation for her kid to possibly come across is the important thing...right?

Now to the conflict...my instructor would probably hated the fact that I just don't say it right out. Ironic, since he failed to tell us that his head slipped up his ass as he was trying to kiss up to his so called greatness.

If you won't let me develop the characters to develop the story, don't act that way.

I've really lost the stomach for writing, at least for that fuck. It is not worth it since I got to still stick with the hell of the truck stop (I think the flames support the metaphor), or give it up and get a depressing forty hour a week job.

I know, not all 9 to 5 are downers, but when nothing seems to be an upper, I believe the hopelessness is just.

Throughout my whole life, I busted my ass to live a worthwhile life. When it seemingly stopped (bankrupt, no bookings, constantly looked over for douche bags...which maybe redundant since it covers the prior two), I was left clueless and without the support that something good will come of the experience.

Again, I lost the stomach. Why can't the metaphor be the reality? Oh for life without the gut kayfaber. If you don't know what that is, well your not suppose to know what it it. Let's just say I'm sick of 34 inch jeans that are 3 inches to long.

So I guess, I really have lost the stomach, but without the stomach, have I lost my heart? The ability to put up with this shit. Especially in the wrestling business.

Lord knows the mind is gone. It at least seems that way. To get thrown onto 2 by 4 for my life, that can't be sane.

Take in the concussion history...well...anyone know how to suffocate on stuffed animals. If I gotta do some Frankenstein of Bride of Chucky bull shit to do it, I will.

After all this, the realization that I may not have the internal visceral organs (I will win my war with the liver damnit), maybe the mind is still there.

Better wrap this up, gotta bash my head into the desk a few times. Can't let this depressing sane feeling stick around.

7/27/08 - 8/29/09: Nothing has changed, A year Wasted?

2009-08-29T14:58:00.004-05:00

I sit in my empty room. No lights. No Music. Just sat there.

Honestly, I never wanted a System of the Down lyric to define me, but that's exactly where I feel I'm at.

What do I do what do I say...

I really feel like I have nothing moving forward in my life. My friends seem to be at different, and better places than me. Returning to wrestling is seeming more and more like an impossibility. And all I'll get out of school is the ability to speak Mandarin. I don't see a degree and that is some niu pi.

With all the good things have been seeming to be unattainable, I cannot come up with a reason to keep forcing myself to obtain them. I genuinely feel like I've ran my course, and it's time to answer to whatever created me (I hope it's not those pricks Tom Cruise talk about).

To add to the problem, I really want to own a gun. My intentions at this time aren't suicidal. Just seeing those commercials for Jolie's latest flick make me want to see if I can curve bullets.

See how bad off I am, I'm tempted to see Angelina in a leading role. Just put me in a line up with Clea Duvall and Torch.

So, this has become a long winded blog before I have even gotten to the point.

There is one more task I want to do before I die, and that's to finish and sell my screenplay. This maybe the only thing worth living for right now. This is at least going to be worthwhile to most of you because many of you've been wanting to know what goes on in my notebooks.

I didn't think I was going to write a blog for a while, but this peace from my screenplay seems relevant and humorous enough to qualify, and something I'd post.

The following is the monologue for the mandatory sports movie montage discussing my feeling on Peoria wrestling. Inspired by the events in my career at the end of 2005.

Oh one more thing before I leave you to it. Friends, you know I can work, just fucking book me. Do or die is what I'm best at, so I know I won't fuck up.

It would surprise me if we are not all bored with the Peoria wrestling scene. Hold on a second. I am the Student of the Game. You fans are not really there for the wrestling, you are there to just hang out and watch your friends do stupid shit.

And it hardly seems that you are putting the effort into that, if one studies the storylines. Desperate to get butts in the seats (an ass every six inches for those who know the business beyond Peoria and cable), the blokes who will go and have a fag with you (cigarette or Dennis) are the centers of attention. Regardless of how much time and effort they have put into the business.

Individuals like me, who have gone all over the Midwest to learn from the best. Are telling me that I'm not as talented as the Black Dragon, Dennis, or Stumpy? No, the promoter is telling me that because I do my job instead of constantly kissing your asses.

Or he is telling me that because I don't treat the jail bate right, or I that I don't abandon a match's science because you fuckers need a laugh. Sorry that you bug lights are useless in these Illinois winters.

Let's see, what other reasons that I get to be partake in matches where Sinnister dresses up like Rick James and someone has to be the victim of, "What did the five fingers say to the face?" My talent is irrelevant because I have a gimmick. Let me tell you my talent is there, but it does not call for constant high spots.

So I am not a Johnny Knoxville or Steve O, and that's fine with me. If you idiots cannot afford cable, you shouldn't be allowed to see someone dive into a wall.

For weeks I have been waiting for someone to prove me wrong, but the promoter does not want to recognize he cannot. With this downtown I've been on the road each week watching better shows, buying tapes, and talking with the best. Peoria, when I return, I will be stronger than I've ever been, and all your Pekin Project heroes will not be ready for the lesson I'll teach them.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to go on such a cold rant. I know there are a few wrestling fans that come to NGW not only because they are supporting their friends like they did during their days of school plays.

Hell, you might actually be coming to shows because you like wrestling. That makes you the best fans. Because of that I want to be your friend. With today's gas prices, we who want to support good wrestling may it be in Chicago, the Quad Cities, or Missouri, need to ban together to be the best we can be.

Join Russ's Reserves, at least for one weekend a month.

Angel of Death: The Reason I Kept Renting Instead of Buying

2009-08-28T12:08:00.006-05:00

Finally, directors are utilizing the ultimate kick ass chick, Zoe Bell.

For those who object to the dialogue (being unrealistic, "girls don't talk like that") in Death Proof, they could still enjoy the film's FYR element of a real stunt woman being the lead character thus making the experience of sitting through the film's first half and Planet Terror a worthwhile one. In an industry that is more faddy than NFL offenses, it was only a matter of time for another director to try and capture what carried a Quentin Tarantino film. Sadly, Angel of Death did not have the means to capture all of Zoe Bell's awesomeness, but it's a start, and well worth my waiting for a month for it to enter the "5 Day" rental category.

Eve has been the best hit person for the Downes family because she does not question the orders her agent gives her and she won't take time for regrets. This all changes when she takes a four inch blade into her skull. No seizures, no sever headaches, but she starts experiences hallucinations of her past assignments. To put an end to these demons, she is going to try and set all her wrong rights by stopping those who put the innocent at risk.

This maybe the nerd in me, but any film that features an awful demise of a Ted Raimi character is worth seeing. When will they start putting that on the box art? If anyone was considering renting JCVD before they saw My Name is Bruce, the fact that they off two of his characters would change their mind.

Ed Brubaker's Angel of Death was the perfect script for an actress just starting her career. Memorize some dialogue and show some visceral emotion, and the performance should be golden. If you followed Marylin Monroe's career, her scripts may have been simpler than that. The supporting cast is able to show their want for the project to work, and Bell's fight scenes are wonderful and adhere to the limitations of reality.

There is no "Wire Fu" and most importantly if falls this rule:

If a girl gets hit by the guy, the tide of the fight totally changes. So if you are the girl in an inter gender brawl, DON'T GET HIT!

If there is anything unrealistic about the film's fights, it is why do all these Italians have Japanese body guard? Japanese body guards who are proficient in Kung Fu. Of course, we accept the premise that one will survive taking a knife to the top of the skull, so we are best to ignore the comic book elements in Brubaker's script.

And when it comes to comic books, director Paul Etheridge is able to capture the feel of one like the 80's Hasbro Boy Toys cartoons did. The editing effects seeem appropriate, and the color schemes seem like they are pulled out of a pulp fiction magazine. They seem tacky at times, and perhaps this film should have just been shot in black and white, but this is a film directed by an art department guru, so it is to be expected.

The main flaw of the direction is that it does not make the performers seem alive. This is what a live action motion comic would look like. If it wasn't for the fight scenes, Zoe Bell's starring role would have been wasted.

Ed Brubaker's Angel of Death is an adequate start to Zoe Bell's acting career which is worth seeing if you are a fan of the legend. The technical qualities can drag the picture down, but the intent to create a comic book like character is apparent, and the efforts by the crew can be appreciated.

If a director can capture the good things that Angel of Death did well along with the few good things about Ultraviolet, we should get a great movie. Or set of movies. I guess Angel of Death shows me why I like Timur Bekmambetov films so much.

So if you cannot stand subtitles or Angelina Jolie and Common, Angel of Death might just be the film for you.

Sex Scenes and Who is to Blame for Cyborg 2

2009-08-27T08:59:00.008-05:00

Sex scenes are the lamest page fillers in the entire world of screenplays, and it is sad to know the directors who will film the lamest scenes. Do you realize that Elias "Casey Jones" Koteas can show all his friends his boning scene of Angelina Jolie?

The evil that is Cyborg 2.Well, I can't say that Canada's least appreciated actor on the American scene getting to grab the premier mammaries in entertainment is a bad thing. For someone who feels he is under appreciated in nearly all aspects of society (especially my wrestling career), it is kinda cool seeing the little guy finally get some. It is just sad to see the fallen priest from The Prophecy greatest cinema moment belongs to such a piece of garbage.

Stupid web browsers. They can keep my blog title, but not my content when they (perhaps I) mess up.

I am all for nudity in films. If a film takes place where we would see some, the director cannot be clever and show how he can shoot around it. We all want to leave the movies with some genitalia tingling, but that does not mean the director/writer can waste time with a sex scene. A scene that in most cases stops the flow of the story.

In Cyborg 2, a film I was watching on Flix, I decided to start writing this blog after I confirmed that those were Angelina Jolie's tits being grabbed by a Greek Canadian. The story was not going anywhere, and my ex girl owns Gia, so if I needed a none-porno related jerk off, I knew where to get it.

When the story has a scene like this, the writer is giving the viewer a break. Unfortunately, if you are a guy at the movies, you'll feel like you have been just labeled a homo to either leave for a snack or piss.

Any good writer would throw in a montage. Like in Rapid Fire with Brandon Lee. Yes, there is a sex scene that shows us who our hero is doing, but it is cut with images of the Triads offing Mafioso.

The story continues, but if you left for a snack or piss, coming back to see the mobster with a few throwing star placed in vital organs is a clear enough visual to tell you where the film is going to go from here. This may also get the director a PG-13, the financially sound rating.

Because the Japanese put pause button on remotes for a reason, you know a writer does not have to break up the action in the name of your bladder. Sex scenes for the most part are a way to avoid writing a full 120 pages to make a two hour screen play.

Love was done better in the old days. The lovers kiss, the film fades out, and then we get back to seeing Sean Connery kill the crazy sailor from Jaws. If they had a full blown scene, not only would it be pointless, there is the chance that it would be lame.

Like in The Terminator. Some may say that the emotional roller coaster Linda Hamilton was on would justify Michael Beihn getting a pity shag, but personally I could care less to see the Ex- Mrs. Cameron's mounds. That 80's haircut kept distracting me from seeing them.

Or in Prey for Rock n' Roll. I thought the lesbian scene was pretty lame. Call me nostalgic, but I wanted to see Gina Gershon's boobs more than those of the girl who blew the casting director for those five minutes on film.

A good sex scene is essential to the story like in Monster's Ball. Animalistic, emotionless, and maybe even discomforting, but it defines at that moment who the characters are. In my opinion, Halle Berry should have sucked Billy Bob Thorton's off after the Oscars. She couldn't have done it without his uncomfortable looking ass.

Or in Clockwork Orange. Not just the "Singing in the Rain (in the rain...thanks Dim)," but that some British Guy and the "underage" girls at the record shop's scene. Again, this defines who Alex is, and it is funny as hell since it was sped up to the "William Telle Overture". And let us not forget efficient. How many shags actually took place?

I know this part of the rant stems from the Jolie sex in Cyborg 2, but when I watched the film, I realize the writer did have some good ideas that only a director could mess up. Insisting he could make that budget work. Believing that fight scenes can be filmed from one angle. Only seeing parts of Jack Pallance's face on grainy TV screens (did everyone in the early 90 think that TV picture quality wasn't going to improve). Horrible camera work on an essential sex scene. Wasting Billy Drago!!!

One can argue that he was just filming what the script said, but if you are that dumb to not take artistic liberties, you are to blame for the final project. I would assume that showing you are a true artist is the only reason you would want to do a script that is total garbage. Prove you are great director at least.

Even if you are a great director, if you choose a project, you are responsible for the delivery of the picture. Of course, you can blame the producers, but they only tell you to do a bad project or else. They allow writers of questionable talent to have work, but with a little integrity, a bad script can be prevented from seeing the light of day.

Perhaps I expect too much from the movie industry, but I think we can put an end to bad movies. We just have to demand that a director has good taste. The only downfall is that video stores would go down the tubes because we would inevitably watch all the good ones. Since, I can't get a job at one, maybe that isn't a bad thing.

We will argue my resume at a later date. The point to my rant is that someone in the motion picture industry, has got to take some responsibility for what the kids see. If you stop making bad movies, parents won't use them to babysit their kids. Hell, it might allow me to knock off this seemingly futile job search, and take sitting up as a profession.

Come on Hollywood, give me some kind of break. This will prevent me from possibly writing bad scripts, and give me employment. If you cannot help all, at least help me.

Green Jelly without Rambo

2009-08-25T09:03:00.003-05:00

Current mood: busy

The first thing my Creative Writing instructor wanted us to write. Here we go.

The Three Lil Pigs

Eighteen years. The age that Ma and Pa Pork kick their kids out of the pen. Eighteen years, or was it 18 months, or dare I say weeks. The point is that Mom's nipples are sore, dad is having a midlife crisis about his fate.

Bacon, ham, pork chops, hopefully a seed giver. No matter Dad's fate, the folks have too much on their mind to deal with sharing space with the offspring.

They are pigs, and since I do not know of any prep schools for the nonkosher futured individuals, I assume they were home schooled. Regardless of how they obtained their educations, it is safe to say they lacked the tools for an adequate one.

So with the neglect of their parents leading the three little pigs to the wild, from a Darwinian stand point, they do not seem fit to survive.

But survive they must, and one think each thought they knew was how to watch their own backside. It was a mutual agreement that they decided to go their seperate ways in search of shelter, food, phat booty, and the American way.

I don't know if I'll get a chance to finish this tale, so if someone could write the tale of the first pig, I'd appreciate it.

Day Watch: Throws Everything at You...Including

2009-08-24T22:08:00.007-05:00

A chicken shit ending, but not in a bad way since Day Watch (Dnevnoy dozor) was kind of made for the fan fiction universe(s) that spawned the "Tigers, Vampires and Bears" genre.

There is a chalk that allows whoever possesses it to write or rewrite their fate. The Night Watch could use this to help bring balance and reinforce the truce, but it only seems to be the priority of our alcoholic antagonist Anton and his sexy trainee Svetlana. To their dismay, they cannot dedicate much time to this cause because someone is framing Anton for murder.

For the sanctity of the truce with the Day Watch, the Night Watch must gain the chalk and clear Anton's name before the armies of darkness find the excuse to bring the on the war they been longing for.

It is truly rare to see a sequel that leaves no questions from the first film unanswered. Then again, this film was meant for one unlike our decade of trilogy pics that usually make new questions up just to have a part three. Unlike George Lucas's saga, this film comes from a universe that allows for anything to happen without seeming tacky, so the viewers can be in utter awe of this picture, and not have to worry about a whiny symbol of 30 years of evil.

There are a lot of devices that sound tacky in written form. No matter its original intentions, the idea of a yo yo as a weapon of mass destruction shouldn't float, and chalk can never be hip (thank you American education system). This story dispels these standards, and even sets the bar for ridiculous stunts at the level Ultra Violet tried to obtain.

I will give Milla Jovovich's pet project (I still haven't listened to the commentary track, so I have no sense of a contradiction) some credit. When it came to genuine combat, Timur Bekmambetov lags behind Kurt Wimmer. Hopefully, this wasn't the case with Bekmambetov's American effort Wanted. I also wonder what the heights Wimmer will set for action with Metal Gear Solid.

This is where I apologize to Bekmambetov for comparing him to Wimmer. As I said, he sets the standard for how to break the laws of physics. Usually unnecessary, but it is a nice addition to this series of the films.

As long as they aren't punching and kicking, all of the action maintains a high level of intensity through out. This time around, all of the characters are explained thus making everything about the action and the films worthwhile.

This time, the acting is a little off. Yegor (Dmitri Matynov) and Zavulon (Viktor Verzhbitskiy) are not as likable. The characters have different motives, but the actors seem to take this as excuse to their performances in an different directions even if they aren't the auteur's intended one.

Also, the addition of Svetlana (Mariya Poroshima) seems wasted because she should outshine the other women in the cast. A tough task with great female characters getting further development, but that should have been here goal.

If there is one more thing I thought I could complain about, it is the ending. I was hoping for something more creative, but as a Cohen Brother's fan, I cannot bitch about it. Knowing many who are not fans of Ethan and Joel, they maybe hoping for an American remake. It would be great to see more of these characters, but it is not a bad thing for this book to be closed.

Most sequels cannot answer all of the questions the first film left, but Day Watch is an ideal sequel to the best necro-underworld series on the market. Timur Bekmambetov may have created the best sequel that does not contain the words Strike Back.

Wall-E Movie Review

2009-08-22T07:33:00.003-05:00

Well, I cannot lay around my apartment waiting for one of the cats to grab a pillow and smother me (Brenda has become accustomed to my face), so I went out to see a movie last night. One of my coworkers recommended Wanted (sounded like it had all the campy stuff I want in a crappy action flick), but I'm all about Cinema. Cinema. CINEMA.

As a result, Wall-E by Pixar was the best option.

This film had a pretty simple premise. The story of two robots falling in love by their united efforts to bring humanity back to the once desolated by pollution planet of Earth. Wisely (from at least a financial standpoint), Pixar decided to take the humorous path of rescuing human race. With the failure at the box office of Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, 28 Days Later) mater fest of Sunshine, one has to be able to laugh at the brink of destruction.

Until the emotional climax, humor is always present. I do not know if Fred Willard was needed as the President/CEO of the Wal-Mart like conglomerate that control society (he could have at least gave us his half-ass W impersonation), but it keeps you happily involved with the story.

When I stop to thing about it, the Wal-Mart stuff in general could have been lessened. I thought there was enough humor is a society that is beyond super obesity. It is great that Pixar is making an effort to provide voice work to the past their prime fat actors, but this does lead me to question some of Pixar's believability.

How does a bed ridden society of fat asses consistently mate for 700 years? I've been desperate for a lay, but if I won't shag me, I don't want to make any women deal with the act of satisfying my human needs.

So, I guess that is the one thing I wasn't sold on in a brilliantly told story. In a nearly perfect comedic film, I still must knit pick some of the other elements in Pixar's decision making.

Did the hero have to look like a midget Johnny 5 for starters? Did Michael McKean build him?

Also Wall-E, a robot desperate to experience the emotion of love, falls for a feminine robot called Eve. This shows the lack of balls at Pixar to be truly groundbreaking.

What if the robot Wall-E fell in love with was masculine with a name like Evan? Pixar had the chance to bust down social walls with the first American gay cartoon couple (3-PO and R2 broke the robot barrier), and they passed it up.

Really aren't robots androgynous, would parents have difficulty explaining this to their kids?

Well, hopefully through my review, I have quelled any distractions one may experience in what perhaps may be the best film of the year. Add the best Pixar short film that I have scene, almost any one should jump at a chance to see Wall-E on a digital screen.

Landmark Cinemas won't cut it for this one.

Inglourious Basterds: Tarentino Perfects Video Game Cinema

2009-08-21T03:34:00.008-05:00

When I heard Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds was not only inspired by Italian Grindhouse (Quel maledetto treno blindato from 1978), but also by Wolvenstein 3-D, I thought that he had finally gone off the deep end. With the lack luster response at Cannes, it led me to thing that maybe he took his ability to find charm in all genres too far.

These fears were nothing more than paranoid American beliefs that there was nothing worth going to the theaters to see this summer. Inglourious Basterds rewards the faithful fans of Tarantino with his most brilliantly directorial effort to date.

And as a David Bowie fan, you have to appreciate Quentin finally putting the theme to Cat People to good use.

Once upon a time in Nazi occupied France...

In this fantasy, Lt. Aldo "Apache" Raine (Brad Pitt of True Romance) handpicks a Jewish/American guerrilla unit to commit atrocities so heinous that the Germans will fear what the malice of God's chosen people. On their quest for 800 Nazi scalps, they are joined by a psychotic German officer killer (Til Schweiger of SLC Punk), a British film critic (Michael Fassbender of 300), and a German double agent actress (Diane Kruger). There is also a Jewish/French woman (Mélanie Laurent) with her black boyfriend who have their own vicious plans to bring down the Third Reich. Will their be vengeance by all, or will the evil Col. Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz) determine the course of history.

When I left the theater, some were complaining that Pitt didn't act. All he did was put on a Southern accent. Personally, I think this is one of the best uses of the actor. He can be a character actor. When you look at Pitt's most memorable roles (Curious Case, 12 Monkeys, Fight Club), that is what he does. He just happens to be the best looking character actor out there, and has been for the past decade (intercourse Heath Hedger).

To work as an actor in a Tarantino film, you have to be a character actor. It is not about what the dialogue is. It is how it is delivered, and all the members of the cast had where they needed to be like in all of his films (why else would other director cast him?). Eli Roth surprised me with his acting ability, but the best performance is delivered by the German Christoph Waltz.

Hans Landais the perfect villain. Merciless but charismatic. He is aware of his evil and revels in it, and even the audience gets to enjoy and understands his methods. That is because Waltz gave such a great performance. Multiple languages, the ability to capture a Mark Hamill Joker essence, and brutal when he needs to be. This maybe the best villain in a Tarantino film.

If his performance was not grand, the film may fall apart because Tarantino we lack someone who really want to see get it in the end. Killing faceless Nazis is a lot of fun, but we need to hope the anger will culminate with the punishment of a truly wretched asshole.

We are only given a few scenes of that give us restaurant table humor, and one of them is done completely in German. I'm not complaining about that scene despite many leaving the theater were. The humor is really dependent upon the premise, so it may seem too heavy on the one liners, but all of the dialogue is brilliant. I only wish that Tarantino was able to use all of his characters to their fullest.

This may mean that the film should have been rated NC-17. The films violence is why you created Doom .wad files. As Roth said in a press conference, Inglourious Basterds is a Jewish sex scene.

You want to see more of Roth with the baseball bat, Schweiger's brutality, famous Nazis acting stupid,and even more graphic violence in the finale. We only get to truly appreciate half of the basterds, and when you have a geek (Samm Levine) from Freaks and Geeks as one of them, you want to see some twisted stuff from he can do. I am praying for an unrated BlueRay in time for my birthday.

I don't want the disc just for the violence, but because Tarantino finally shows how great a director he can be. He has always been able to make the audience appreciate the charms of any type of cinema, but this time he captures it in every shot. This student of VHS was able to recreate the styles that pioneered the art of film (the war movie in the film is outstanding) while still maintaining his minimalist style. Inglourious Basterds is the culmination of every lesson gained by Tarantino from his entire filmography.

Inglourious Basterds is the finest directorial work of Quentin Tarantino. Its script is weaker than his other films, but is strong enough to support the filmmaker's efforts to place this on the same level as Resovoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction.

Night Watch - What If Underworld Made Sense?

2009-08-20T12:49:00.008-05:00

Damn those douche bags at News Corp. It is not enough that they run Fox New Channel and Weekly World News (that's probably where they get their fair and balance from), but the encourage dubs of live action films.

Side A - English Wide Screen.
Side B - Russian Wide Screen.

Manipulative pricks! Guess what side I inadvertently had placed down into the player.

Honestly, I cannot blame them for this fine print trap. With the success of the Underworld franchises, they needed a product to cash in on the Vampire v. "Choose you own demon" market, and they had to make it accessible to the teens and weirdos who want to be bloodsuckers.

Bloodsuckers who put the film quality behind coolness of premise was the audience 20th Century Fox imported Timur Bekmambetov's Night Watch (Nochnoy Dozor), a film that possesses a greater understanding of the hidden world than either of (I've yet to see Rise of the Lycans) Underworld features could hope to have had.

To Len Wiseman, Danny McBride, and Kevin Grevioux credit, they were a year ahead of NW, but could you imagine Kate Beckingsale in a vampire flick where the crew took the time to get it right?

In the midevil era (I almost said midevil times, how tacky), the extraordinary humans called others were at war. Some fought for the goodness of human kind, others for the evils. Their struggles would have resulted in both races' destruction, so the leaders of both sides chose to form a truce. To ensure neither side dominated, the light side would patrol the night, and the dark side would be the enforcers of teh day.

This truce had remained intact for the greater part of a milenia until a virgin is found to be the center of a vortex of damnation. With her comes a prophecy. A child will appear and the side they choose will be destined to rule over all. The alcoholic Anton, a night watchman, seems to be the only one who may shape the world's destiny.

By no means have we mastered the LARP genre, but I have not seen Night Watch's sequel, so I cannot abandon hope.

Some might be disappointed that the "Others" do not pretend to be elitist, but sticking to human nature makes these characters far more easier to relate to. It leave the audience with a greater hope that this underworld might be real, and questions the immediate response of "where do I sign up?"

The film focusing on a character who is still trying to accept what he is works out well. Anton's struggles are those that many of us face everyday, so he is the most believable character in the whole of this rising subgenre.

The most important thing about the characters is that they are not amazed by what happens. They may end up getting caught of guard, but the moment passes and they do not think they are special because of it. This allows the events and twists to occur without the audience calling shenanigans on this film.

If the lack of BS and focus on character's feeling wasn't enough to piss off the poser vamp, they may get fed up with the lack of violence. There is plenty of intense sequences, and the film flows very well, but there are not a lot of showdowns that American movie goers have come to expect from this subgenre.

In other words, this is not a comic book style movie. No Spidey v. Sandman, Storm v. Toad, or Vampire v. Werewolf. I don't think this is a bad thing. Watchmen and X-Men 2 did not have an abundance of showdowns, so why should this?

Unfortunately, with a need for action sequences, a need to direct all of them well is important. There is only one great fight scene, and it is not the climax. A small price for a film that is solidly written, but it leaves me sympathetic towards any girls whose boyfriend always comes to soon.

This film demands a sequel, and I can only hope that it can use all the great characters introduced, but weren't totally explained. If the action sequences are improved, then we might have the best modern fantasy film series of the decade.

Timur Bekmambetov shows his potential of being a great storyteller with Night Watch. He delivered to us a film that leaves you begging for more in a good way. Night Watch shows that Bekmambetov is just a few tweaks from perfection. Can he deliver on the same with Day Watch is the only question.

ICC Mass Communication's Quote Whores (Fall 2008)

2009-08-20T10:12:00.003-05:00

Movie Suggestions from ICC Mass Com
Current mood: animated

The following are suggestions from the students of Illinois Central Colleges's History of Motion Picture class. As an elitist, I think I am ahead of most with offering treasured films, but I like to think I have elite friends to support my hypothesis.

My Suggestions: Dark City and The Science of Sleep

If you are looking for two films that are visually appealing and creative masterpieces, I would suggest Dark City and The Science of Sleep.

Both films are written and directed by their directors (Alex Proyas for Dark City and Michel Gondry for The Science of Sleep) and both directors have had gained the attention of the American audience with previous films (Proyas had The Crow and Gondry had Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), so I believe most people are familiar with at least one of the director's work.

Both films have to rely on creating what were at those times new visual styles since they are both incredibly cerebral. Dark City is about a group of aliens who experiment on Earthlings by changing their memories, and how our hero must learn how to use their power to create an ideal world. The Science of Sleep shows how it's protagonist escapes to the world created in his dreams as his attempts to win the affection of his neighbor seem more and more futile.

Dark Citywas considered the best film of 1998 by Roger Ebert who offers a commentary track on the picture's DVD release, and Science is a film that was seemingly designed for a more liberal European audience, so it was allowed to cover what Gondry's Eternal Sunshine attempted to study more thouroughly.

Since this is a class about the history of motion picture, I find these two films to be great examples of everything we will be studying this semester.

Other Suggestions:

Donnie Darko and Pan's Labrynth. Both of these movies are scripted brilliantly and have either a meaningful message or series of implications on current issues.

I'm not big on Donnie Darko, I don't think it knew what it wanted to be. I've yet to see Pan's Labrynth, but it's a definite purchase in the near future.

I would say Airplane and Revenge of the Nerds. Words can't really describe how funny these two movies are. You just have to see them.

Both comedy classics, Airplane is probably the pinnacle of sight gags. Revenge isn't subtle, but delivers everything the viewer wants. Still fails in its mission to prove that we are all nerds. See, easy to describe

"Closer" stars Julia Roberts, Natalie Portman, Jude Law, and Clive Owen. This movie only credits 6 actors total, the other 2 being very insignificant roles. So you know that this movie is focused around great acting..."Some Like it Hot" is one of my favorite older movies, and although it may not be a hidden treasure in movie history, to today's youth it certainly is.

I haven't seen Closer, and I don't necessarily get a hard on over great acting, so I may not. Some Like it Hot is perhaps the best comedy that has romance in it. How long till Pitt in Clooney try their hand at it.

Equilibrium: This movie is a great example of how one shouldn't just always do what a political power tells them to do because it might be taking away from your life experiences...The Sting: This is a classic comedy with these two great actors that work amazingly together, but at the same time you will be getting an ending you never expected from the moment you start watching it.

I've never heard of Equilibrium (Brain fart when I wrote that, Christian Bale's Matrix), and since there wasn't much a description, I'll stick with Logan's Run. I didn't know The Sting was a comedy, so I might have to take time to see if it's on the Free OnDemand.

Atonement: I love the storyline and the different ways in which the characters of the film try to tell their side of the story. A Fish Called Wanda: It is a great comedy with John Cleese, Kevin Klein, and Jamie Lee Curtis.

I will not knock a fellow Anglophile. Where are the Irish films?

Frequency: It is in a league of its own and Dennis Quaid is the man... Goodfellas and Boondock Saints: The characters are too cool!

Good Fellas is a treasure. The Boondock Saints shows why I don't get hard on acting. Frequency seemed to sweet for sci-fi.

Cool Hand Luke: this is a great movie paul newman is one of my favorite actors of all time...Fried Green Tomatoes: It's an empowering movie for women.

Who cannot relate to Cool Hand Luke? As for Fried Green Tomatoes...it's modern feminism before the riot movement doesn't draw me.

Pearl Harbor holds a soft spot in my heart as my husband is in the service. I am sure with many of you movies that you can relate to seem to be your favorite...I amsolutely love Armaggedon as well...I believe that finding a connection between your audience and the cast of the films and or the plot is what trully make viewers fall in love... Both of these films aslo so a great deal of American Pride.

Brainwashed after 911, it's kind of sad. I respect her opinion on Pearl Harbor, but Armageddon doesn't do anything she says it does. As for American Pride, America is the best country in the world, but it's tough being an American.

Clue and The Three Amigos. Both comedies and good movies for anybody.

These are definitely two under appreciated films, but they are the Linberger of motion picture cheesyness. Some people call it a fine cheese, so I'm not knocking these films.

Death Race - A Simpler Paul W.S. for the Masses

2009-08-19T08:28:00.005-05:00

Jason Statham, can he do wrong? Is he the next Samuel L. Jackson or Ewan McGregor, individuals who can not be accused of a bad film? I can list movies featuring these actors, and who to blame for their sub par execution, but I'll limit it to Statham:

The One - Delroy Lindo in two roles? Ridiculous.
Crank - Amy Smart's presence, Ryan Reynolds in cinemas venereal disease.
I happened to like the remake of The Pink Panther
Cellular - Kim Basinger post Oscar.
Chaos - Wesley Snipes is strictly made for video. Maybe he should have reprise the role of Willie "Mays" Hayes?
The Bank Job - I dare you to find one good Mic Jagger Movie.

His only mistake he should have seen was In the Name of the King, a Uwe Boll wad to the eyes, but he could have just enjoyed working with Ray Liotta (another Reynolds victim) on Revolver a little too much.

In conclusion, Statham seems to do no wrong. Combine his efforts with someone who somewhat understand video games and gimmicky sci-fi, Paul W.S. Anderson, Death Race seems to be worthwhile. The only problem I can immediately see is that it did not lead to renewed issue in the Sylvester Stallone classic. Perhaps to its advantage, that means I cannot claim that Anderson is messing with an institution. Regardless, how does the the film stand on its own?

In, let's say 2020...scratch that 20xx (Mega Man represent!), the world is recovering from a financial collapse. A collapse so devastating that the US Justice Department has privatized the penal system. The privateers need money to finance their service to the community. Their method, Death Race.

Death Race takes the most talented drivers amongst the inmates, and has them race for three days. For a society in ruins, gladiators are needed to raise the spirits of the masses, and by encouraging the maming of ones adversaries with traps and fire power, Death Race delivers. Add beautiful woman as passenger, and a hero like the masked Frankenstein, awesome pay-per-view television is born.

Sadly, Frank died on his way to his fourth victory. Six months have passed, and viewership is down.

Fortunately, a new wife-murdering convict with a professional racing background has arrived. Some may say that the arrival was extremely convient. Since Frank wore a mask, anyone could portray him. If the con doesn't want to risk his life, they would be passing up a shot at freedom. If any driver reaches five victories, he earns his freedom.

"If your freedom isn't worth dying for, what is?" Warden Hennessey

Why do writers feel they have to show us the back story to how one ends up in prison? Did anyone care about what Andy did or did not do to end up in Shawshank?

Death Race comes straight from the days of Roger Corman. Read the script and the story will move forward. Acting it out maybe pushing it. Lucky for us, Anderson has a budget behind this flick, so he doesn't have to gamble on things just happening.

As for actors reading the script, the type casting works out perfectly. So our billed actors are not wasted, and the supporting cast does what it should. That is supporting the script (if Christian Bale cannot out act a Aussie who was best known for the Hogan free crocodile flick, that's Bale's fault).

The only problem with the typed actors is that Anderson was too quick to dispatch them. Anderson may have been writing this how he would play a video game like Twisted Metal.

Get rid of the annoying stereotypes first, so you don't have to hear them bitch through the rest of the level. The problem with that is , you know those guys will come back for the next track. Like it or not, you cannot kill Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars: Episode I - Pod Racer. You have to look on the bright side. You'll get to run his annoying ass off over and over again. We need that element in all fictional racing.

Enough of how I treat Mario Kart Wii opponents, and back to the critique.

In the end, this might be the most upbeat Anderson film. This is because Mortal Kombat had to imply a sequel. There is only a normal a "do not build these death mobiles" warning to depress the audience. It shouldn't feel like a mainstream weekend alternative, but it does. This leaves us with a story that I feel anyone could direct. As a fan of Anderson, I am reluctant to think like that.

It is good to see that despite his recent infrequency of directorial efforts, Anderson still knows how to effectively make quick cuts in action movies. Along with the metallic score by John Roome, we are placed into an environment that one only expects to see in Anderson films. Often imitated (by second unit directors he has gone to bat for), but never duplicated.

Death Race seems to be a franchise that Paul W.S. Anderson wanted to make his own. I rented the disc, so I don't know if the commentary track disputes that. It has a B-Movie script, but the A effort by Anderson make Death Race a nice weekend get away, and continues Statham's flawless nature.

I'd prefer that people would rather see this than NASCAR. Please tell me someone is working on a syndicated series with the Death Race franchise attack to it.

Hellboy 2: 2 Much or 2 Short

2009-08-18T14:49:00.004-05:00

The Next Terminator has to be John Cena, Ron Perlman, or Dwayne Johnson. But does he have to be white or off white.

And that's how you incorporate background noise into your opening statement. why waste that one as a tweet?

It sucks going from a clever moment to a shamefull confession. If it was not an American production, I hadn't seen Guillermo del Toro's work. There is no good reason. My only excuse is when it comes to DVDs for $9 at Wal-Mart, I have a tendency to buy brain rot.

Ultraviolet, Saw III, The Marine, you get the picture (and I get a way to rap this review around). I wasn't trying to decay my gray matter, I just didn't want to think. For this I felt cowardly. Del Torro's work intimidates me if there is no Ron Perlman present. If I hadn't watched Amelie with my ex, the same would go fo Caro and Jeunet.

Now, did I like Blade II and Hellboy? The answer is yes. His vision of Blade may have been to elaborate for a martial arts action movie, but the biggest flaws were made by the writer David S. Goyer.

How can you waste the talent of Norman Reedus (The Boondock Saints), Danny John-Jules (Red Dwarf), and Tony Curran (Underworld: Evolution)? Will any American use Donnie Yen properly?

Del Toro may have been limited with Blade II because that was not his world. His style was too contrasting. He was able to nail Hellboy because America really wanted him to do the movie. After the success of Pan's Labyrinth, a film that seems to be all about its imagery, his stock rose again, but this may not have been a good thing for Hellboy II: The Golden Army.

The ad campaign for this film seemed to have focused on bright, grand visuals, and despite Del Toro's directorial ability is apparent with HB, the dark, claustophobic world it was set in was part of its charm. I do not want to ever see Perlman in a bright environment. It just seems alien.

Del Toro with all is newly earned colors does not seem to be the right for a demonic super hero movie. And now, close to two years after its release, I've inadvertantly heard about some elements of the script that at first sound seem tacky. Thus, I am left verry worried about the future of the HB franchise.

What if Del Toro feels that he has a right to go nuts with HB II due to his prior film's glory? The second lay after a marvelous orgasim will never seem as good because you are doing it to have the same feeling again instead of just enjoying getting laid. It would be unfair if Hellboy II: The Golden Army gets this treatment my Mexico's new super stud. Enough of my paranoia, let the potential cinematic donkey show commense.

Feeling that mankind is destined to destroy all paranormal beings on the planet, Elf Prince Nueda determines that he will call on the power of the legendary Golden Army to bring a new age to this world. He needs the three pieces of the crown and a map to find the army, both of which have been brought to the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense by his sister. It is now up to Hellboy to get past his troubles with Liz, and save the world once again.

The first Hellboy was not made to be a huge success. It knew it had a target audience (comic book fans), and was counting strictly on that to make a profit. Hellboy II may have been a victim of the priors surprising success, and created an ad campaign that used all of the bright imagery to show how the common movie goer should get behind it. Of course, Hellboy and even Guillermo Del Toro are not for the common movie goer.

As for my fear that the light will conquer the quaint darkness, it can be dismissed. What you saw in the commercials is not what this film is about. As for my fear of a director going nuts, there is some truth to that in the films writing. In turn, the editing could have been better since Del Torro is trying to put his Lucasesque script into two hours.

I understand that Del Torro wants us all to relate to and like all of the films characters. The problem with that is not everyone in the supporting cast has to be as loved as the headliner. Abe's storyline (a love one) seems to be unneccessary because you already have one with Big Red. It is like giving C3-P0 a love interest (don't get into the R2-D2 arguement). Better yet it is like giving Luke or Obi-Wan a chick (despite Mara Jade seems cool and wicked hot, the Star Wars novels suck). The point is George Lucas knew he only needed one per trilogy, so why try to put two into a comic book movie?

Which is the most glaring flaw with Hellboy II, it tries to fit too much into one movie. This film would have to have been three hours to get it right. We are given an interesting new character, but we need to pray for a HB III to make him worthwhile, and its message of tolerance towards freaks is lost whenever there is action to take place. This message becomes more of a disclaimer than anything worth delving into.

As for Del Torro's other job on the film, director, he does it very well. Blame the writing for the lack of surprises in the battle, but the material for the most part is directed well. The only issue I have with it otherwise is the shots which seem like the producers were begging for shots that immediately make us think of Pan's Labyrinth.

For those who just like to see Ron Perlman and Selma Blair do their niche audience thing, Hellboy II may be worth a rental. If you are looking for the next grand Guillermo del Toro film or just a good comic book movie, you are going to be let down.

Fortunately, his next film is The Hobbit and he has got Peter Jackson to keep him inline. Of course, I haven't seen King Kong yet, so maybe there is something to worry about.

Choke: A Movie About Sex Addiction

2009-08-18T11:55:00.005-05:00

This was the review I gave to ICC's Newspaper The Harbinger. Unless I'm writing a new review, I don't want to stick to my "Rough Draft" moniker. As long as MySpace still exist, you can check out my rough, uncensored review at http://myspace.com/inimitablerc

Hope you enjoy the professionalism of this work.

Choke is the second Chuck Palahniuk (the writer of Fight Club) novel to be adapted to the big screen, and it shows the wide range of subjects that can be developed from antisocial behavior, nihilism, the lack of male identity, and addiction. The film also shows us a softer, light hearted side to his work that may perplex fans of his first adaptation, but for that reason, it may be worth their time to check it out.

Unlike Fight Club, Choke is not about the sociological aspects of society’s affects on an individual, but more of personal quest of the main character, Victor, (Sam Rockwell from Confessions of a Dangerous Mind). Victor is a sex addict whose mother, Oscar winner Anjelica Huston, is suffering from a debilitating case of Alzheimer’s disease. To pay for her treatment, he works as an indentured Irish servant in a colonial themed tourist attraction, and if that isn’t enough, he goes to fancy restaurants and intentionally chokes on food to con money from whoever rescues him. His mother’s health is important because she might be the only one who has answers to his mysterious past that his recollections of the limited experiences he had with his mother fail to offer.

If dealing with this seemingly Oedipus based obsession with his mother and staying on the wagon is not difficult enough, he now has to change with his lifestyle of being cold and cynical when he finally meets a girl he truly likes, Page, the doctor who is willing to go beyond the call of duty to save his mom (portrayed by Kelly MacDonald of Trainspotting).

As information is collected and his friends and other crazy old ladies get involved with his quest for knowledge, Victor is stuck with the dilemma of trying to know whether he is becoming a good person, or if he was never the bad person he thought he was.

If one were to research Palahniuk, and all his novels are described to be as dark as Fight Club. If this is the case, Clark Gregg, the first time writer/director of this film, seemingly chose not to put the story he adapted into the same dark world. This would leave one to conclude that Palahniuk books focus on how society allows for dark events like brainwashing the disenchanted or becoming a sex addict to occur. Unfortunately, a fan of Fight Club may pick this title up to escape into a world that is the fruit of anarchy, so disappointment may occur.

The spirit throughout the movie is good. Rockwell allows for the main character to be a likable outcast without being deviant like Fight Club’s Tyler Durden. If one is a fan of that character, they might feel the character is not cool enough, but this works for the director's vision. The film still remains to be quite cerebral despite the fact that Huston is the only thing that makes the childhood flashback scenes worthwhile, and Palahniuk’s dry sense of humor to make one wonder whether or not this stuff should be funny.

What truly makes the film work is that every plot twist works; this leaves the audience rooting for all the characters to have happy endings except for the cops who arrest Victor on the suspicion of rape of a 90 year-old mental patient. There is nothing spectacular about the film’s direction, so engaging the audience with the story critical, and Gregg successfully delivers in this aspect of his debut. He is not Woody Allen, but he shows the same promise, and this critic would like to see what he could do with a more audience accessible project.

Choke is a feel good movie, which is definitely what this viewer did not expect to see. If this catches a filmgoer by surprise, remember that Fight Club’s narrator is left standing. What cannot be argued is that at least in the world of film, happily ever after is always a possibility in a Palahniuk based project. As long as this happiness exists in a world of emotional chaos, the audience should be pleased. But because some want more than just the acknowledge of the concepts of happiness or chaos, renting this film is the reasonably priced method to view Choke.

Hard Candy and One Act Films

2009-08-16T16:15:00.006-05:00

We are not in Japan, England, or any other decent place in Region 2, if we pay $7 to $9 buck on a film (damn, $5 if we are at the den of temptation that is a Screw the USA Mart), we expect at least 90 minutes of entertainment.

"Hard Candy" starring Ellen Page of "Juno" fame's Amazon.com synoposis "After a flirtatious encounter in an online chat room...the apparent pedophilic seduction morphs into something else entirely." And you wonder why it didn't go beyond FearNet TV.

If they wanted to make money on this title, the ad campaign should have been, "In a world where men avoid Chris Hansen, the pregnant chick from that movie with the none-McLoven skinny "Superbad" kid, is out for their balls."

Since it takes 30 minutes to get to what might be the money shot, I'd imagine the ADD public would walk out. They'd be so easy to distract, one could easily make them forget to ask for their money back.

Hollywood would have made this movie totally pointless if they were out to make money. Now that I think of it, how did "Misery" make any money. Kathy Bates wasn't big from a fame standpoint, and Stephen King's name doesn't sell movies.

FYI, it was John Carpenter, Tom Hanks and Morgan Freeman, whose names have successfully sold Stephen King movies...as for "Cujo" as long as it is not cast opposite of Ally Sheedy (Molly Ringwald fan over here), a mutt can sell anything.

Almost makes me want to throw puppies into toilet paper to really test the durability and softness of the product, but my puppy brutality blog will come later.

Back to the point, once Page has drugged Patrick Wilson, we then see him wake up in a chair, and we know what we want to see happen, we've already blown our wad (it isn't a sexist line, it's an MMA line...oh for the days of cussing and headbutts).

What happened when Cindy and I got to this point in the movie? I said, "it would be so much cooler if it was Michael Cera in the chair, and that would have been Diablo's true vision of her Oscar winning picture. Then I started to write this blog and Cindy start to prep for bed.

Too bad this movie is not going to make us breakfast after this experience. Fortunately, no arms were gnawed off if the making of this blog.

Honestly, I can't say the film is bad. The dialogue up to the buster (I am referring to the John Hurt scene in "Alien" instead of the proverbial nut) is good, even clever, but the only thing different from this and "Serendipity" is that we might have a pedophile or "how old is 14 really argument." Page's taunting of Wilson is cool, but we are kind of put in a weird position.

If he's a pedophile, "well your already pregnant what trouble can you get into," but if he isn't, are we going to cheer her on...I mean how much can we endure watching the innocent in pain.

Perhaps this was the director's point, but we'll need to comeback to it. No wonder FearNet put their commercial here. They at least gave us a piss to think about it.

In Japan, land of 45 minute long Anime Motion Pictures (be careful when you are buying bootlegs for $20 buck at conventions), this is all the crowd would have needed to justify 2000 yen. I refer to "Evangelion: Rebirth" and the original "Blood: The Last Vampire." People will still pay 15 bucks for "Un Chien Andalou" and that's only 17 minutes long...and French.

I remember asking a movie theater attendant during a midnight flashback film series, "What are you going to do with "Blood"? It's only 45 minutes long."
"It's three buck."
"Yeah, but last week was "Goodfella"s for three bucks, how will you stop the violence?"

I didn't dare go that night. I doubt a crowd of college posers and anime fans would listen to the argument that there are one act plays.

From what I know, the movie theater experience is still a lot more special in Region 2, so perhaps they have more respect for art. In the meantime, I think only those who can appreciate great writing are willing to tolerate a one act play.

Funny, "The Simpsons" still gets good ratings when we only get 10 good minutes. I wonder if Fox will split the premier of the movie into a three night event.

Why go on and on about how we don't appreciate great art no matter how short it is? Because as a "Star Wars" fan, I can justify Episode 2.

We all wanted something bad ass to happen, and when Yoda whipped it out, the place exploded. Then it was straight to the ending. Kinda like the first "Hostel."

David Slade, if you want to make money and quit doing the Zach Braff thing from "Garden State" take some pointers from Lucas and Roth. I love Ellen's voice, why not make put "Hard Candy" an anime.

Old Boy - If Caro and Jeunet did Korean Cinema

2009-08-15T13:11:00.007-05:00

I first heard of the Korean film Old Boy, from Bravo's "Most Terrifying Moments" count down. Disturbing imagery, disturbing plot, but the panel forgot to mention a twisted love story and sense of justice that encompasses it.

Oh Dae-su was an alcoholic husband and father with a very dark past that is unbeknown to him. In 1988, he was kidnapped with no explanation. 15 years later he is released into the public by a man who demands that he rediscovers his past. If the truth is discovered, the "villain" will kill himself, but if he fails to do so in five days, his new love, Mi-do, will be executed.

I cannot particularly say that I am a fan of Asian Extreme cinema. It is probably because of the wretched American attempts to emulate it, but there is noway to deny a lot of the subject matter is stuff that need not be investigated or the violence just seems unnecessary. Also, the films seem to offer no hope. How can there be hope after all of the twists? Old Boy is an example of how all of Asian Extreme can be done right.

First off, the acting has to be excellent to make the viewer want to like all of the characters in the wretched world the film presents. Old Boy does so. Then it is all about the story telling, and again, Old Boy excels. Every scene builds upon itself, and every scene is important.

The most important thing is the Greek/Roman tragedy offered by Tsuchsiya Garon. There are numerous challenges presented, and our hero is willing to do whatever it takes to overcome them. This is where Park Chan-wook's direction excels. What needs to be seen is seen, and if everything needs to be seen, he captures everything.

Scene that show Park's ability to excel as a director are the first fight scene which plays out a lot like Final Fight in a good way. The climax is captured very well, and since it is the culmination of all of the disturbing story and imagery, that is essential to any film. It is a beautifully ironic scene because the audience only knows it is happening, and are forced to imagine it.

Old Boy brilliantly offers terror, action, and horror when ever it feels it necessary, and never need to mix the elements to do so. Park Chan-wook is able to capture a Hitchcock feel with a touch of modern horror. His story should be a very hard one to endure, but Old Boy allows you to respect or at least understand its characters so well, you will stay with them to whatever end may come. No matter how Extreme it is.

The Insatiable: A Delightfully, Tacky Vampire Comedy

2009-08-14T15:24:00.015-05:00

I'd finished the first half of my undead double feature (a colorized version of Night of the Living Dead with MST3K's Mike Nelson's commentary track) and was left wondering if I was up for the second half of it. The Insatiable, a straight to video vampire flick starring Sean Patrick Flanery. It would have been a Boondock Saints double header, but 2007's Moscow Chill with Norman Reedus has yet to be removed from the new release's wall to the "Rent 2 for $1" shelves at Family Video.

Why am I delving into the realm of Flannery DVDdome? Why not rent the SciFi Channel Original Kaw? SciFi involvement does not guarantee potential. Michael "Fucking" Biehn does. Also, I for one does not abandon my generation's Judd Nelson (who I found out will be in BS2...I'm a fan but the initials do sum up the original guilty pleasure) and we have a different approach to the vampire genre.

The box made it sound like Audrey 2 all over again, but with horror and the ability to shag the antagonist. This obviously makes it seem more interesting that the overatted Little Shop of Horrors, and reminds me why I'm a bigger fan of Michael Crighton's WestWorld than Jurassic Park. Dinosaurs are cool, but they won't get me laid.

So I was pumped at the concept of feeding a sexy vampire (Charlotte Ayanna, the victim in Jawbreaker), but during my intermission I found out that The Boondock Saints 2 was in the can, I am worried that I may end up giving Flanery Milla Jovovich regard, thus a higher standard for the B+Movie (or A-...it's quality is better than THE TRUE B-Movies.

Harry Balbo (Flanery) is a quiet outcast who is ridiculed by his coworkers, and even the police after he calls in an attack by the "Head Ripper" who is plaguing the slum of Los Angeles. Who can blame the cops? A woman who can jump three stories and tear a head off, that is a bit far fetched.

Harry tries to figure out what he saw, and inevitably crosses the path of Tatiana (Ayanna), and this time she samples his blood. The only person who will believe him is the paraplegic Vietnam Vet/Vampire tracker (Biehn) who is demanding that Harry vanquishes the vampire.

Harry isn't a killer, so he thinks he has another way of making sure she won't kill again. Good thing he works at industrial pipes dealers, and is a quick study when it comes to welding.

Th!nkFilm please: STOP THE DECEPTIVE BOX ART!!!

Ayanna leaning over a pool of blood with the film's title in Conan: The WTF font does not scream comedy. This will miss lead the horror fans and guys hoping for T&A, and that is unfair because you have a cute little comedy here.

From the get go, The Insatiable can only be viewed as a comedy. Flanery is awkward do I need to say more. Yes, Powder could be considered awkward too, but that kid was just plain weird. Harry is a guy who is trying to develop confidence in LA, so there is a big difference.

Flanery plays it well, and his struggle to try and keep Tatiana alive is funny. Since he's a loser, you sympathize with him, and Ayanna showing sympathy to her adversary ends up her likable and the development of feelings acceptable. Biehn is also able to channel some of his James Cameron roles into his performance which nicely rounds out the cast.

The douche bags at Harry's job kind of phone their performances in. They are the only weak part acting wise because we want to see them fed because they are assholes. At least with Steve Martin's dentist, he was entertaining and really, really deserved his fate.

I kind of skipped over the comedy. It is virtually all in the story telling, so not a lot of quotable stuff, but it's refreshing to see what would be best described as a screwball comedy. Not to say we do not have a lot of those making the big screens, but the constant reliance of cheap (toilet) humor of those films instead of story disappoints me.

Budget does hinder this project. The special effects are laughable. At least they had a budget for the cutest bunnies to be the victims of Tatiana.

The Insatiable is worth a view by any comedy fan, and a nice lighter piece to any vampire fans collection. The audience is treated to great characters by underated actors, and has a story that they will develop a real taste for.

Was that closing clever enough. Better go into quote whore mode.

The Insatiable is a comedy you can sink your teeth into.

.45 or a Feminist's Adrenaline Tease

2009-08-13T14:34:00.010-05:00

If I tell any of my friends that I rented a straight to video Milla Jovovich film, an explanation is expected from me. To that, all I can say I am just optimistic.

She always seems to give her heart into every role, and I can't say that I've seen a bad performance. Surely she has another Fifth Element in her. Fuck Sam Rockwell for landing the lead in Moon. Just imagine the potential of a kooky Milla isolated with a Kevin Spacey voiced robot.

If only we could some how set The Miracle Worker in space, Milla Jovovich would have gone full circle.

Perhaps .45 was...okay...is just to fringe for a theatrical release. Hollywood knows that she has some drawing power, but I guess she isn't a sure enough bet to bring Stephen Dorff back to the big screen. Thank God for Johnny Depp and Michael Mann for Stephen's sake.

It's sad that Dorff is pretty much considered to be a younger Val Kilmer, so it must mean he's only straight to video talent now. So it may never be Milla's fault for gracing the "new release" wall instead of a 3-D cut out. It's just the supporting cast bringing her down.

"You Stupid Man" - David Krumholtz (better known as one of the Harold and Kumar jews), William Baldwin, Denise Richards
".45" - Stephen Dorff, Angus MacFayden, Aisha Tyler

This may actually be an unfair correlation with .45. This story wouldn't make any bank at the box office because it is brutal, and that is not in an action packed way. It wouldn't have been in a bad way, but this film is a kick return team member wanting to play hero by charging an onside kick. .45 knew what it wanted to be, but isn't sure how to be it.

Kat (Jovovich) is an illegal gun dealer's girlfriend in one of the seedier burrows of NYC. She will do anything to help him out in hopes that they will run day have the change to move to the ocean side. Unfortunately for her, he (MacFayden)is an abusive, alcoholic, but no matter how her friends (Dorff and Stargate SG1's Sarah Strange) tell her to get out of the relationship and into their protection. One night the abuse goes too far, and Kat must decide how to get out of this inevitable death trap, in the most powerful way possible.

.45's Deceptive Advertising:

Why does the box have Milla sexed up with a gun? Why do all the DVD menus transition are fades out from fresh bullet holes? Unless the real world has become the one Samuel L. Jackson from Jackie Brown lives in, this isn't how to properly sell a video. If you are looking for gun play, this title has none.

If this was the films way of drawing action starved men into checking out a movie about feminism and domestic abuse, it may work, but as a feminist, this may back fire. This misrepresentation doesn't show a woman's strength. Perhaps it's a poor attempt to be clever (we girls tricked you), but this is a film written and directed by a guy, The Shield's Gary Lennon. It is disappointing that a guy whose show never stray from brutal imagery in its advertising does so with his directorial debut.

.45 wanted to be one thing, and that was a brutal depiction of domestic abuse and female liberation. Unfortunately, it does not know how to tell this story.

There is a lot of dialogue that one can enjoy for comedic value, but by the second half of the film it disappears. When the second act starts and the brutality ends, so it becomes a struggle to sit through the film without the wit of the first act. Not until the third act where the cleverness of Kat's plan comes into play, and the results of it do you appreciate Lennon's screenwriting ability.

As a writer/director, Lennon has a lot to learn. The film uses observational interviews to try explaining the film like in documentaries or as an homage to Woody Allen in the late 70's. These are suppose to lead you to a better understanding of the characters, but they lack depth, so further exposition is just a wasted effort. It is sad, because the actor delivering these performances (Jovovich in particular) give their all to make you like these characters.

The worst thing about the direction is that his difficulty to follow the action is quite apparent. The domestic disturbance was intense, but shot horribly. It feels like you are missing something, and when you are watching a girl being beaten and ridiculed like that, I for one don't want to think about what isn't there.

There was a lot of effort to make .45 a meaningful and provocative film, but the unclear vision of the Gary Lennon waste what everyone put into it. This issues the film explores definitely need more attention, but this film does not call on Hollywood to do so. .45 is a sad example of how good intentions are lost when there is poor execution.

Hope Is the Stab in the Back Instead of the Slap in the Face

2009-08-12T23:44:00.006-05:00

Yes, the part of the blog isn't very optimistic. It just happens to define the result for something I really hope go wells that inevitably blows up in my face.

Film expert, critic, screenwriter...I got two complete drafts if anyone has money to produce it...SIX fucking years of customer service. All of those define me, but it's been 48 hours, and I guess they don't equal Video Store clerk. I'll hang the boots up for a DVD's, but fate deems that I'm not doing enough.

Like with College. Mom finally gives me a comforting "okay, you can go to school this semester" instead of the bitter "your father want to retire soon", and now the classes I need to knock out a Mass Communications degree are closed up. Some of them have got to be due to lack of interest, but still, I won't even get to take the Web Media Production course despite my professional certification from the college I'm taking classes at.

A personal blog with just one obscenity...Guess I'm not feeling to bad. But I'm not feeling to bad because of hope. That makes one bitter bastard. Could I at least be an inglorious one.

Now I'll leave you with the real depressing stuff, but I'll post my Domo Banner for my anime blog to try getting a smile.

Speed up if you see me crossing the road.
Current mood: crushed

To answer a the question Basement Jaxx posed, "Where's your head at."

Not many have been made aware of the excitement of the last weekend for me. It's lead to a lot of reflection. Basically, I live because I don't want to be an asshole.

I wish I could live for the wrestling business, but the assholes in Springfield, Peoria, and Chicago won't allow it. The wrestling business owes me nothing, but there are plenty in the business in every fed I've worked who are comfortable with never acknowledging my efforts or to even let it come to their mind that they owe me. I've been fucking dreaming about the business every night, and I just want to fucking die. The thought that I'll have to beg to those who owe me to get back where I should be, defeats my efforts.

But then again, I'm simply defeated. Hunter S. Thompson said that being aware of the option to commit suicide is the only way to the stay sane. That lucky fuck.

I am not being vain, but I not going to give you incite on those I care for. After this weekend, I know that if I offed myself, the pain to others could ruin so many important people. Fuck Thompson and his legend.

I am the foot note. Important to many, but that's where it stops. Pursuing a "regular life" is painful, and pursuing my dreams are insane.

I officially hate living, because that's all I can do. In the end, I lose those I care for, so I'm free to die, and that's all I'm free to do, because all the dreams are gone.

Sorry for this downer. I really wanted to write about my latest coping efforts, but those would not give you incite into how gone I truly am.

Night of the Living Dead: Film Analysis for MCOMM 224

2009-08-12T02:23:00.005-05:00

Current mood: lazy

Dialogue from George A. Romero's 1968 horror classic, Night of the Living Dead:

"We'd all be better off us three working together."
"We may not enjoy living together, but dying together won't solve anything."
"Beat em', burn em', they go up pretty easy."

These lines could all be associated with the Civil Rights movement, the last being a description of a lynching. From interviews with the co-writer/director, he considered the film to be a message about racism (the film's first sequel was about consumerism and its third sequel about corporate greed). His message was delivered to an unprepared audience with a black protagonist by the means of zombies. With the support of critics and horror film enthusiasts, this maybe one of the longest lasting message about the subject.

The critics:

"George Romero's remarkably assured debut, made on a shoestring, about a group of people barricaded inside a farmhouse while an army of flesh-eating zombies roams the countryside, deflates all genre clichés," Elliot Stein of the Village Voice.

"Over its short, furious course, the picture violates so many strong taboos -- cannibalism, incest, necrophilia -- that it leaves audiences giddy and hysterical," Dave Kehr of the Chicago Reader.

The horror enthusiast:

"One of the best films ever made, and possibly the most influential horror movie of all time," Alex Sandell of Juicy Cerebellum.

"Arguably the greatest horror film ever made - and one of the greatest in any genre - 'Night' is also the ultimate B-movie," Lucius Gore of ESplatter.

Romero released a great horror film, and when one includes how radiation leads to the Night of the Flesh Eaters (one of the films working titles), it seems to be a great time capsule of all the things that would scare someone growing up in the 1960s. Also, Gore's claim that it is the "ultimate B-movie," led to its original success. The film was not rated, so anyone could see it.

Teenagers accustomed to a monster flicks like the cheap, British, relatively bloodless battles between Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee were in for a surprise. What they saw were zombies eating the charred remains of a couple from a truck explosion, and a head shot as the solution to all undead concerns. Some were shocked and some enthralled either way word of mouth spread about this B-movie.

It was shot on a shoestring budget, and most of the techniques used to shoot the film were of little sophistication like most B-movies. The opening sequence of a car driving to a graveyard as the credits rolled was almost painful to watch because the viewer immediately knew that every shot only had one angle. Also, the time of day of when events take place is hard to figure out. The sun shines for the zombie hunters all the time while the farm our characters hide at is always pitch black. Fortunately, once the zombie threat is established, the poorly lit shots and closed in sets created the suspense that the film thrived on, and this allows almost all directing flaws to be forgiven.

There were no A-list actors, and the characters are one dimensional. The lack of dimensions let the B…C…D-listers give the performances of their careers. I was especially impressed by Judith O'Dea as the traumatized female lead. It was what one should expect to see from Janet Leigh, if her character survived the shower attack in Psycho.

The acting and directing were good enough to let the brilliantly written script shine. Zombies were not needed for most of the film's second third because the viewer is stuck trying to figure out how to survive a zombie holocaust. Do you side with Ben who wants to fight the threat or Mr. Cooper, who wants to hide from it? Divisions about strategy and the need to be right are constant, and the audience can almost forget about the zombie hordes preparing to take the farm house. Romero's drama away from the zombies is what keeps the viewer interested in the film, and he delivers with the violence as a reward for the patience.

Romero's story and message were the only things he wanted the audience to enjoy, so he was willing to just go out and make a cheap film, and hope the audience gets it. If anything, this was his way of being considered as a director for larger projects. He was just extremely fortunate that Night of the Living Dead is perhaps the greatest horror film of all time.

Milk: Emotional and EMOTIONAL:-D

2009-08-10T00:14:00.009-05:00

Current mood: betrayed

What will I do when Oscar season is over? And why can't The Wrestler play at 2:20pm in Peoria? I not down grading Gus Van Sant's latest film, but it is more socially comforting to discuss a movie that doesn't have so much gay sex.

And as a struggling pro wrestler (Randy 'The Ram' Robinson don't got shit on me) I will tell you to stay away from the spandex hypocrisy comments you are thinking of.

The story of Harvey Milk is perhaps the most important in the last quarter of the 20th century. Just follow me on that statement. Do we really want to acknowledge or even argue about Larry Flint fight for freedom of expression? Still, I would not be surprised if, especially in Middle America (particularly Peoria since it was damn near February before the area got it), that many people don't know about what Milk did for human and more importantly gay rights. And how it came to a senseless end.

So I was a little disappointed that they gave the ending away at the beginning when they did such a great job of hiding it in the ad campaign. And because the lack of public knowledge, a feel of inspirational fiction was possible. The movie is so well written, and the viewer gets so behind the cause that we didn't need to know that it was true.

Until the end of course, but still, ignorance would have allowed for an awesome happy ending.

The acting is great on most accounts. Milk's second lover (portrayed by Diego Luna) was obnoxious, but I suppose it was written that way. Perhaps the performance should be praised since I didn't feel bad, hell I was waiting and prepped to cheer for his...well I'm not going to give that away.

Josh Brolin Best Supporting Actor nomination (and my pick) was earned as he definitely made Dan White a truly senseless character. The viewer and Harvey Milk a like want to understand his motivations, but the man behind the "Twinky Defense" was never understood in real life thus he cannot be truly understood here.

Writer Dustin Lance Black did a wonderful job of trying to establish our inability to quite lay a finger on what drove White, but tastefully fueled our ability to hypothesize. If he deserved recognition (which I doubt would be valid for a double political assassin), the person may be a worthwhile subject for a film.

Black's wrap around device, Milk's recording a tape in case something horrible happened to him, could have been put to better use. When the device may needed to be stopped sooner in my opinion especially with all the details of Milk that were given, but to reach the common man, it may have been the right decision to use it through out.

With Van Sant's directing, the device became secondary. It may confuse some viewers, but Van Sant was able to establish three different realms by using different camera effects, and once the viewer realizes the tricks, he or she becomes able to see and respect the vision Van Sant had for this film. The vision may not be his best, but again shows us the talent he possesses.

And the gayness he strives for. I don't want to sound homophobic, but some of it was a bit to graphic and there were only a couple of scenes that were necessary. After the film is over, the viewer is left wondering, "maybe some Ben/Matt action should have been featured in Goodwill Hunting.

On second thought, with how Sean Penn looks now, maybe some Affleck/Williams action was what Gus really wanted.

This Oscar season has given us some pictures that need to be seen. Milk might be the best historical picture of modern history we have received this decade, and has a message that is important to everyone.

Sadly, the importance of releasing a Oscar caliber film so late in the year prevented this from saving Gay Marriage in California, but may have laid out the blue prints for the next campaign for equal rights.

Milk showed that we are one loud and proud homo who should strive for cultural change. So those who put your faith in the Bible, enjoy your religious sanctity while you can. Get use to it.

Moon: A Sam Rockwell One Man Show

2009-08-08T22:57:00.008-05:00

First off, let us thank the producer of Moon from preventing or at least delaying a remake of 2001: A Space Odyssey. I'm sure that Kevin Spacey would be perfect for the role of Hal, but thankfully he gave his voice to Gerty the robot. It is great to know that this generation will not be blamed for the desecration of Stanley Kubrick.

This film maybe Sam Rockwell attempt to prove himself as an unlikely leading man. Since Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, he is probably considered the Seth Rogen of independent film when he should be considered the next Robin Williams. He should have been able to advance from comic support to legitimate actor like Williams has, but since I seem to be one of the only supporters of Choke, it has not happened.

Moon is dependent upon a great performance by it's lead, and if the character was a bit more memorable, Rockwell performance should be talked about in the early months of 2010.

In the future, the world has become dependent upon fusion energy. Too difficult to produce on Earth, the Lunar company stores the excess helium and heat that is captured on the dark side of the moon to supply 70% of the worlds fuel. The entire operation on the moon is operated by Sam Bell (Rockwell), who has agreed to work there for three years. Lonely with two weeks left before he sees his wife and child, he has an accident during one of the harvest.

Gerty the robot has seemingly saved Bell and for "his protection" has quarantined inside the space station. Desperate to figure out what has happened to him, he escapes to find his wrecked vehicle with himself inside of it. Now, Sam must peace together what has just happened, and possibly what has been happening since there is noway to communicate with Earth for an explanation.

Moon is definitely the closest thing to 2001 that we can expect anyone to create. It embodies isolation to greater degrees than the classic, but is about a far simpler concept. That concept is discovering who one truly is.

The other thing that will draw comparison is the simple, but seemingly realistic space environment. 2001 is considered by many astronauts to be the most realistic portrayal of the outer worldly experience, so aside from necessary technological advances, a simple easy to navigate appearance is essential.

To further look into the simplicity of the film, one must address that there is only one actor in it. This actor is the extremely fortunate Sam Rockwell. It is not a humorous role that you associate with him, but his ability to seemingly maintain a sense of humor allows him to be perfect for this role. By no mean is Rockwell the only person who can portray Bell, but I doubt anyone can do this better. Especially when you consider Rockwell's ability to make sure that all character play the roles of foil to each other.

Moon shows why great space films may need to be left to independent minds. These directors like Duncan Jones know that not all environments have to be action dependent, and that there are so many realms that can be discovered in these dreamed up worlds. Add in a true understanding of SCIENCE fiction by both crew and actors, Moon might be the best space picture of our time.

And that's before we get into the film's political arguments.

Can Michael Bay Desecrate Everything We Love?

2009-08-08T17:31:00.009-05:00

Current mood: sad

The new Friday the 13th, a film with potential because it immediately gives us the seven footer, but what exactly is this flick? A reinvention? An homage? Or messed up? With the involvement of Michael Bay, I lean towards the latter.

I won't get into a Transformers debate, and I liked The Rock despite it was overblown in every shot, but realize that Bay broke all of my motion picture standards.

These are:

There is no such thing as a bad Ewan McGregor film (Star Wars 2 is on Mannequin Skywalker),
There are no bad Scarlett Johansson movies (I'll stand by any cat friendly comic book hero film),
And Steve Buscemi cannot be featured is a garbage flick (Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within had no Chocobos).

In the name of "awesomeness," The Island screwed cinema up forever.

Just think back to the The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake which I thought was utter crap. It had potential...hold on...no it didn't. Since gore was the justification of the original's sequels, we knew what the classic relative bloodless classic could have been. The remake was 90 minutes that I have to force myself not to regret because their was nothing emotional behind the violence.

Fortunately, this film gave me the knowledge that R. Lee Ermey, sadly, isn't a guy who can star, so I knew I could skip The Beginning.

A great beginning would have been an abusive Ermey driving Leatherface to the point of bathroom, chainsaw murder-suicide. That is why the direct prequels always fails. Sorry Short Round. Especially since you got replaced by Shia LaBeouf.

In its defense, if it even deservses one (at least number 3 gave Viggo Mortensen work), it was not a totally heartless effort. I'll give a damn about most Ermey products, and they at least thought they had a starlett as the lead. Personally, I feel Jessica Biel cannot act her way out of a paper bag, and she's a curse to any project.

She's why I haven't seen The Illusionist, and after a look at her filmography on IMDB, I'll officially quit wondering whether or not I'll watch Elizabethtown. And this is coming from a fan of Vanilla Sky.

I'll also go as far as saying it wasn't the lack of directorial ability by David Goyer or the celebrity senility of Wesley Snipes that made Blade: Trinity suck. Ryan Reynolds's undeserved career a long with even focusing on one of Beals's characters is trouble for any project.

Don't bother defending Reynolds. He delivers all of his lines as if he was terminally sarcastic. It's his only emotion and if it isn't funny, his dialogue is totally waisted.

Since we're discussing (okay, I'm ranting) about bad horror, you know I speak the truth when you look at The Amityville Horror remake. Which was another Michael Bay produced disaster.

When you look at what Bay's money is going towards, the horror will not come from these films. There is no doubt that all his Nightmare on Elm Street will give us are new Halloween mask and nothing more.

I will at least say with Friday the 13th, these were all wretched films. How bad can his dough muck these up? Easy if Jason has to be awesome.

This isn't IWA Puerto Rico, FMW or even Wing. Jason in all other realms is an oversized goof ball. He is Kane without a cool entrance.

So it's impossible to kill him, big deal. The only reason he can kill is because his victims are even dumber than him. We cheer him on because he takes care of who we want to see die. He doesn't have to be shot artisticly, his mayhem just has to be unique. Like the Jason X and the virtual reality camper sluts scene, or his dual impalements, and his ridiculous decapitation reel.

And don't give him hell for killing chicks who put out. After we see their assets, do we really need them living to drag out a lame story even further?

Honestly, I'd see a lot of potential with the remake if better decisions were made. Why not stick with the homosidal mother and cast an A list star?

Sally Field did that Say It Ain't So shite, and with her Boniva, she's flexible enough for stunt work.

How about Judi Dench? She's British, so turning down work isn't in her nature.

A strung out Courtney Love would be perfect. I could even see Pam Grier kicking more ass. What? We can have a Black president, but Jason has got to be white?

Let's split the difference. Put the mom under a goaly mask, put a Whalers sweater on her, and you got a tasteful Sleep Away Camp ending.

There was so much potential, but in the end we are better off with seeing Kevin James transition to movie stardom.

That's what we need right now after the fall of My Bloody Valentine 3-D. I'm can't be the only one who thinks bad horror can be smited by a fat guy and Hello Kitty paraphernalia.

With that being said, were Farley and Belushi's deaths really accidents, or could they have been the paranoid actions of the live action Transformers producers.

Maybe Spielberg killed John to further bury 1941.

Eastern Promises, A Canadian Exploration of London's Russian Mafia Starring an Australian

2009-08-07T19:40:00.009-05:00

Well, it is 2009, so this fall should be our biannual appearance by director David Cronenberg. Unfortunately, the 66 year-old is passing up on a chance to further build his resume by possibly withdrawing from public light for too long. Perhaps, he considers himself to be too fringe or he is just waiting for his "Lifetime Achievement" Oscar, but I really would like to hear his name more frequently in the general discussion of film.

As for directorial style, he maybe over appreciated by some, but for daringness, no one has taken more chances. With the rise of Viggo Mortensen marketability, some would say his last two films may have held something back in challenging subject matter, but on the other hand those who just naturally seemed turned off by titles like The Fly, Shivers, Naked Lunch, etc. the opportunity to give his talents a chance. I have yet to see A History of Violence, but if it is as good Eastern Promises, David Cronenberg seemly has a grand and new vision of what gangster cinema should be like.

A 14 year-old Russian dies during birth in a London hospital. Hoping to find the girls family to avoid putting the child in foster care, the half Russian midwife, Anna (Naomi Watts of I Heart Huckabees, Mulholland Dr., Tank Girl), wants to translate the diary she found among the girl's personal effects. Not wanting to deal with her racist Russian uncle, he decides to approach a Russian restaurant owner to translate it. Soon he and the shady chauffeur, Nikolai (Viggo Mortensen of The Lord of the Rings, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre III) seem overly interested in her activities, but for the child's sake, Anna will try to weather the storm of criminal innuendo no matter the cost.

The actors are great, and you have to appreciate any director who can pull of a nude, shower fight scene without it looking tacky. Cronenberg also makes it a point to show that every shot has its own meaning, and does it so the audience realizes that every part of the story is important and not a bit pretentious. This may actually show the flaws in his fringe work like Scanners or Shivers, but that maybe because how much can you or do you need to write about exploding heads or horny parasites.

Cronenberg was not a writer on his last two films which shows he may have learned that subject matter needs to be restrained no matter how much you adore it. These films are probably the most critically acclaimed works, so that only supports this argument. Eastern Promises did not receive an Oscar nomination for its script unlike A History of Violence which allows me the comfort of not being overly impressed by the film's story.

The writing is not bad by any means, since the new crime drama (especially in this technological age) has to be more cloak and dagger like. It is all about covering up the secrets that something bad is going on then to consider the immensity of how bad the bad guys truly are. Once all is revealed, no matter how brutal some of the imagery maybe, the climax can be nothing more than the boss goes down.

Also some of the secrets that are revealed could be declared tacky, if not so brilliantly portrayed that is. Mortensen's gives this mysterious character a personality that prevents you from hating him, and also makes you believe he is seriously troubled with his life style. When you find out his secret, you want to get up and cheer because in a film this dark, you are rewarded with a true hero. The hidden nature of his also delivered correctly, so no one will left feeling like it is his role from American Yakuza, all over again.

Since I have not seen A History of Violence, I cannot call Eastern Promises a must see, but this is definitely a great step in allowing crime drama to still be relevant. Great acting and directing with an acceptable story may serve as a great introduction to the abilities and potential of David Cronenberg. With his vast library of work, there is no way that you will leave this film without wanting to see at least one more of his classics.

For the screamish, I hope that ends up being A History of Violence for your sake. Yes, I'm sure there is brutal imagery, but it has got to be less brutal than what car crashes, giant insects, and the telepathic can offer.

Slumdog Millionaire, or how I got started writing reviews for ICC

2009-08-07T17:29:00.015-05:00

Slumdog Millionaire

Since his first international success with 1996’s Trainspotting, director Danny Boyle has been working diligently to deliver a film that would make him more than a once hip British filmmaker. The Oscars’ Best Picture nominee, Slumdog Millionaire, is not only a brilliant film, but definite proof that he is amongst the most influential directors of his generation if not this century.

Slumdog Millionaire is Simon Beaufoy’s adaptation of Vikas Swarup’s novel Q & A which was inspired by a true story about an uneducated, young man from the Mumbai slums and his unlikely success on India’s translation of the now iconic game show Who Wants to be a Millionaire. For Boyle, it is one of the few times he has worked on a film not written with the involvement of Alex Garland or John Hodge, but the theme that some things are “Written” is a plot that his common in most of his films. This film might be the most acceptable offering of this message Boyle had directed.

Accused of cheating after the first show ends, Jamal Malik (Dev Patel) is held by the police and forced to endure aggressive interrogation to either confess to cheating or explain how he could possibly answer questions that not even the top professor in India can answer. As the overly truthful Jamal tells how every answer to each question was earned through the life experience he and his brother Salim (Madhur Mittal) gained from trying to survive the slums of India since their childhood, in an effort to fulfill his destiny to be with his childhood’s best friend Latika (Frieda Pinto).

The film definitely belongs to Danny Boyle, but the other elements cannot be ignored. The acting is strong, especially from the children who portray the young Jamal and Salim. Its story encompasses so many heart-wrenching moments, the viewers accept Jamal as their own while maintaining a comedic balance to allow the viewer to relate with Jamal. Because of this balance, it might be considered appropriate for any mature child.

It is also easy to appreciate since it is based in one of the most westernized central Asian countries. Despite a good deal of it is in Hindi, the foul taste of subtitles is lost. It may be a foreign experience, but at no time does it feel like a foreign film. This may explain the lackluster premiere in Mumbai despite the fact that Boyle made his best effort to recognize India’s love for and the influence of Bollywood.

Danny Boyle’s contribution to this grand equation is his ability to find a way to capture everything that he wants a scene to show. His pans from the Jamal to the supporters never abandon the character we must maintain our focus on despite the hero may not even be in the shot and his ever improving use of montages show why there are all ways great expectations whenever he offers the world a new film. These montages have been mastered to the point that he seems to have an absolute control over time, something rarely seen in motion pictures and perhaps never at this level.

To give it the final touch of a Boyle film, the eastern electronic score of A.R. Rahman and soundtrack (comprised mostly by the songs of M.I.A.) give it the grand audio experience that is expected of any of his films. It is not for those who enjoy the more classical style of John Williams and James Horner, but it does not necessarily take away from the film.

Slumdog Millionaire is the defining work of director Danny Boyle. The fans of Boyle will appreciate this film for showing how brilliant he is as a director, and Oscar should drive the cautious filmgoer to see this work of near perfection.

Resident Evil: Degeneration, At least it makes more sense than Extinction

2009-08-06T16:38:00.010-05:00

I have a tendency to write about why I rent something. When the prescript is the research I've done, I start to hate my obsessive nature.

Once the action in Resident Evil: Degeneration starts rolling, this viewer had to be reminded of Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. If it the same crew behind RED, that's cool, but if it is not, it maybe the end of photo realistic motion pictures. It has been eight years since the need for Square to merge with Enix to occur (and I'm sure all RPG fans don't fault the result), and if the effects haven't improved much between FF and RE, one maybe a little miffed if we just rented one giant cut scene.

The good news that only the Sony name connects the two which turns the possibility of the cut motion picture from a negative to a positive. Resident Evil: Degeneration may have a good premise, but can it be executed well.

Like Resident Evil 4 suggest, Umbrella had fallen after the nuclear annihilation of Raccoon City. The US government has kept what actually happened under wraps, so that they can allow a new firm WilPharma to further study the uses of the T-Virus. After a biohazard occurred in India and a terrorist government openly expressing interest in using the virus, A Senate backed American based research facility in Hardardville would probably meet with protest. Protest that are led by a former WilPharma employee and father/husband to RC victims, Curtis Miller.

At the Harvardville Airport, Claire Redfield arrives to meet with fellow members of TerraSafe. While waiting to leave, they encounter Senator and WilPharma investor Ron Davis as he is being harrased by protestors with zombie mask. All hell breaks lose when some of the slow moving are not wearing mask, and a plane of undead crashes into the terminal. The only possible clue to what is going on his Claire catching a glance of Miller making his escape.

The airport has been quarantined, and Leon Kennedy is on the scene to coordinate rescue efforts and to help oversee the dispersion of a new T-Virus Vaccine. Once word that Miller maybe involved, he and Angela, Miller's sister, are out to stop this biohazard from spreading.

Resident Evil: Degeneration is almost exactly like the video games it is based on. Perhaps to exact. When there is action, the viewer is amazed at the action like they are from the intensity of the video games, but once the scenes are over, the viewer is tied into a bloodless cut scene that consumes most of the picture.

The exposition cut scenes would work in a video game because we need to cool down after getting pass a boss. We are a little more accepting of the details and flashbacks. But RED isn't a game, it is a motion picture. It feels like you are reading the RE3 strategy guide as literature instead of a tool to destroy Nemesis.

I'm not saying that you will not enjoy the movie, but Resident Evil: Degeneration is strictly for the die hard RE fans. Everything you enjoyed in the games are here except sore thumbs. The Resident Evil fan should not be amongst us skeptics. With their cold response towards Resident Evil 5, we may be praying Milla Jovovich's Alice will save the property.

Video games cannot be sacred

2009-08-06T13:55:00.005-05:00

Current mood: lethargic

Just picked a couple of titles for the Wii, but I am still determine to work through the sadly addictive nature of WWE: Smackdown vs. Raw 2008 before I put that on the GameStop trade in pile (If I could get more than $11 buck for it, you'd see it on Half.com). I say sadly addicting because what ever drug it could be compared to, they cut the hell out of it.

Not one to end the night playing video games (kinda promised Stacia that a long time ago), I decided to chill out and put a DVD in till the Sleepinol got the better of me. It's either that or watch Gametrailer TV on Spike. Personally I feel I gave the network enough of my time watching the crap that is TNA television. I could do a blog on every mistake they made since day one, but I'll digress.

It isn't like I couldn't do that. What kind of face am I afraid of losing? Petey Williams is my only friend on the dying social network that is MySpace who was on the active roster.

Still, I cannot say that I wasn't curious about the program that is capitalizing on G4 choosing to show Cops and Cheaters most of the time. Their pitch: Video Game Burlesque Tribute. On cable? Something tells me they'd be messing that up?

I mean, I cannot come up with a gimmick to leave Chun Li with only pasties on. Can you? Are these girls genuine burlesque performers, or the Midnight Strip girls complaining about not getting enough exposure for their recently purchased upper torso enhancements?

If they were real burlesque performers, I doubt they be making the money to afford the fake tats, and they wouldn't be in that anorexic shape. The art form that is the tease had been adopted by the feminist movement, so it really is only about the tease. Being picturesque wad targets is secondary. The concept of seeing the chicks get bare is why a guy should want to bust one.

On a side note, before a girl decides to go into burlesque, at least look attractive enough that us guys want to see you naked. If you are going to be impersonating Ursula from Disney's The Little Mermaid, it's all right to balance the scale that has Divine's corpse on the other side. But if you are just big enough to be mistaken for John Water's first meal ticket, avoid the rubber and vinyl clothing.

So many channels, and there is still nothing to watch. I just wasn't up for waiting till 2:15am to see Jennifer Connely's tits in The Hot Spot, despite I find rare R-Rated nudity to be more entertaining than porn 60% of the time. Oh for the days of the NC-17 flick that came after Emmanuele on Cinemax. It was just a simpler time.

Well, I still had to unwind, so as I said, I popped a DVD in. Resident Evil. A good zombie flick, but lacking a Jill or one of the Redfields doesn't make it a good video game movie. Especially when it gets me flash forwarding to Resident Evil: Extinction.

What was the deal with that one Paul W.S. Anderson? Russell Mulcahy has his moments, but did you have to write him a script that he couldn't say no to?

Bastardizing the original concept, you know Russell is going to love that script. That's probably why we had to deal with Highlander 2: The Quickening. What were you thinking Paul? You wrote and directed Event Horizon, were wise enough to avoid AVP-R and MK: Annihilation, and you gave us a good video game movie in Mortal Kombat.

It is one thing to give a second unit director a chance to break out or show why he has been a second unit director, it is entirely different to give a film to a guy seeking to recreate his days of directing the early Duran Duran videos, and seemingly write it for him.

Yeah, I could go on about the science of zombies, immortals, and misusing a bitching cast (McG underused, but didn't waste Michael Ironside), but the point is, no one treats video games right.

Wrestling games are bad for wrestlers, gamer television will not stick to its core audience (nerds and geeks), and the movies get it right so very few times. It's still secondary entertainment. The pulp comics of our time.

Frank Miller, Zack Snyder, Allen Moore, Paul W.S. Anderson. Please save Mario. We'd be happy to sacrifice Peach if needed.

06.09.09 Emotionally and Financially Broke In Vegas.

2009-08-02T23:10:00.004-05:00

Current mood: crushed

As you've probably read, my life has been in the dumps. At least that's my opinion. Don't worry I brought a long evidence to support it.

Regardless of the argument, five days in Vegas should remedy that or at the very least relieve some of the symptoms. Especially when it was going to be my last hurrah with my little brother before he got married.

Unfortunately, my mother wanted to make it as Peoria...scratch that...AC Morton as possible. Different time zone, but same crap. Frustrating since I saved up as much of my unemployment as possible to have fun.

Damn WGN's Around the World for Free when you can't do Vegas on a hundred bucks.

Yes, Penn & Teller was awesome, Santana did his thing well, but I don't go to Vegas for the shows. I like to try my luck, but I only end up with $50 to do so. Hell, with my lil' bro, I thought I'd have people to socialize with for a change. But when your Mom is determined not to be embarrassed in any possible way (using your brother as the justification), I'm left watching cable in their bedroom realizing that no matter where I go, the my dilemma remains the same.

Wednesday:

Saw Penn & Teller, came back to hotel room knowing I'd have little money to gamble with, so better save. End up getting an earful from my little sister that I have to live my life how everyone else does since that is the reason I'm depressed. Told her how I accepted responsibility for my life, and that's why I argue with myself about ending it each night. But the night ended with promise since my lil' brother said we'd paint the town the next day since he didn't think I'd be able to enjoy the bachelor party.

Thursday:

Went to the pool with my bro and his fiance, lunch, and even went to the courthouse to get their license. I went to take a break from them since they got talked into going to Freemont by her parents. Rand said we were on afterwords, so I didn't intend to go, especially since I didn't have the coin. My mom got out of her drunken stupor enough to join them on the excursion, and since I needed something to do, I tagged along. Eventually, I'm getting ready to kill the time till Rand got to me when my mom orders me to the hotel because "it's all about him and he doesn't want you around." This is when it was also determined that I would now have similar boarding arrangement to the ones I have now. No privacy and no objection to what my mom determines is right. It was also made clear that Mom had no clue about how I feel, and even if she did, she couldn't understand....scratch that...she refuses to understand.

Friday:

Went to the pool with my bro and his company, and then to lunch with family. Followed that up by seeing The Hangover with my parents. Then just stayed in the hotel not wanting to do anything since I had no cash to gamble, no social network to hang out with. I'd just accepted that life won't get better wherever I'm at. No one to blame but myself.

Saturday:

Did I mention I stayed sober the prior two days in hopes to get a tattoo at Las Vegas Tattoo Club in the Miracle Mile shops? Even got the idea for a Tokidoki design to get done. A couple of drinks and I was drunk for the rehearsal. Fortunately, I played it off well. My mom didn't know until how she talked about how we were going to get hammered after the wedding. She also gave me grief about how I didn't seem to want to get a girl to marry. I told her there was a lot of psychological stuff that I wasn't going to talk to her about. So I get more grief as the days goes on. To the point that after the wedding, Rand has a picture taken with me just to apologize for how bad my weekend was.

Sunday:

I saw Santana, and it was awesome, but can't say I did anything worthwhile beyond that.

I actually had therapy today. More appointments set, but no improvement. I just said I'm waiting till I finally end it. He said things aren't getting worse for me, but I failed to tell him how every new thing I try falls upon death ears. Nothing will get better. My Dad even acknowledges how horrible my life is.

I am just the ultimate down note. My therapist said "You can't make the suicide decision because You are depressed. You are not in any position to make that decision."

I'm sorry, even when I'm having a fun, I take a look at my life and wonder why I don't have a FOID card. When something really good happens, I want to die because I can leave with an accomplished. Why couldn't I have been stabbed after I bought my $30 Smorkin' Plush Labbit.

Is there really more to life than owning a stuffed bunny with five o'clock shadow, cigarette, and butt-hole?

B-Movie Horror Film Series - Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy / Song of the Dead

2009-08-01T15:15:00.009-05:00

Mil Mascara vs. The Aztec Mummy --- Song of the Dead

When you go to see a B-Movie, you have to bring friends with you. One of those friends has to be relatively inexpensive alcohol, and the others have to at one point in time had a pulse.

I'd say the friends have to be alive, but when the modern B-Movie line up has to have at least one zombie flick, it would be inappropriate to deny them entrance. Actually, it might be educational that way. It would show the living dead what would happen to them if the messed with us.

Of course, there is the problem of letting the patrons carry weapons into a theater, but come on. When it comes to the Peoria Theater, we are all adults there. Drunk, immature adults.

When I viewed Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy, I had left my emergency flask of Johnny Walker Black at home, and my only friend was my infamous notebook (that being the opinion of the independent pro wrestling scene). Fortunately, the little book was an awesome wing man, drawing the attention of the other patrons. They wanted the critic's opinion infused with their viewing experience, so I was quickly accepted into their family. Thus I was ready to survive Song of the Dead.

At bars, it is easy to feel alone in a crowded room, but at the Peoria Theater, that is not the case. It is like the voice in your head can interact with everybody. I believe the next "B-Movie Horror Film Series" will be August 28, and you are more than welcome, and thoroughly encouraged to check it out.

Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy
Director: Jeff Burr
Co-director: Chip Gubera

A black sheriff?

If only Mel Brooks was the director of this film. Could you imagine a Mexican wrestling A-List movie, and the corresponding Broadway musical.

As for Willard E. Pugh, the former mayor of Detroit (RoboCop 2), I guess if you want to serve the public, you got to go where the jobs are. Even if the job is the Police Chief of the Mexico City Police Department, one cannot be too picky.

In a world where everything takes a back seat to wrestling championships and trippy photo shoots, The Aztec Mummy has risen. With the Jewel of Tanawa, he can control the minds of the most influential people in the world.

The only one who can save the world is the brilliant scientist, ambassador of international goodwill, and most importantly, the wrestling legend Mil Mascaras, The Man of a Thousand Masks. Mil's immunity to the effects of the jewel and bastardized use of the Hyrule's Triforce, the Mummy will pull out all the stops to defeat the descendant of the family who put him to rest centuries ago. Our hero will have to face off with blood thirsty Aztec servants, possesed opponents, and lousy Harley Race commentary to save the world.

Can Mil Mascaras overcome the demonic threat to the world, find true love, and the secrets to his mask? Or will the USA go and nuke their southern neighbors before the Mummy can come to power?

Personally, I'm a Cuba Gooding Jr. fan, but if Pugh's attempt to be the stereotypical black guy were not poor enough, it seems like he asks himself "WWCubaD."

As for Mil's performance, I was pumped to find out that he speaks nearly fluent English (thank you WWE Classics of Demand), but unfortunately his ADR is pathetic. Still no one can complain about the film's wrestling and the luchador performances. Blue Demon Jr. just knows how to rock the cape.

"I wanted to see tits, but not his!"
He is 65 years-old. Show the legend some respect.

The movie does offer some clever dialogue:

The only bride you'll have is my fist, and I'm afraid it'll be a painful consummation.

Okay, outside of the Aztec Mummy need for a bride with a Zelda tramp stamp (birthmark...right), the rest of the script is too funny in that proper B-Movie way.

Poisoning you. Now I have something else to charge this Mummy with.

The good guys just have to be super idealistic. Yes, it would be better for society if we could bring all criminals to justice, but he's a freaking mummy with the mobility of Jabba the Hutt's head droid.

Give the Mummy credit for his wrestling ability, buy I respect almost anyone who owns wrestling boots outside of Central Illinois. He is portrayed by Jeffrey Uhlmann, who also acts as the robot who saves our heroes to set up for the movie's epic climax.

They try to throw everything into this movie. Fiftyesque robots, twin vampire lesbians, nakes, decapitations, and every possible transitional scene you could think of. Thus the need for extra booze was needed.

The film drags because it had to have everything. Each scene offers some B-Movie glee since they went there, but you are immediately pleading for them to get to the next scene.

You need to watch Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy with a wise audience to enjoy it fully. Otherwise, Mil v. Mummy can be a strenuous ordeal. If you love B-Movies, this flick delivers. Just make sure that you come to this one prepared, or you risk possible brain trauma.

Song of the Dead
Directed and Written by Chip Gubera

There are a lot of great Zombie movie ideas, so they should all be put on film. Video just doesn't do the deceased justice. Then again, if a wig on grass is suppose to represent a smashed head, and you have are trying to use Lucas swipes and De Palma split screens, you do have to give some thought to my previous declaration.

In this must expose your breast for a young female lead role (be it living or undead) that does everything it can not to piss off George A. Romero, the President of the USA (Reggie Bannister of the Phantasm franchise) along with his red, white, and blue sequenced sports coat had the sad job of informing us of the latest Islamic Extremist attack on America. Terrorist had mixed the Jihad Reanimation Virus (or JRV) into a mosquito pesticide. The result, USAF has sprayed our great country with the Zombie Apocalypse's catalyst.

Surprisingly, the rural communities are his hardest because so many unknown bodies are buried out there (Thank you Ted Bundy). The story follows Sandy, her Gun-Ho brother and father, her mentally unstable yet extremely fashionable boyfriend Brad, and the mysterious Arthur whose hobby gives him knowledge of 20 more zombie terrorist that may attack. These survivors are trapped at their summer home outside of Kansas City, and they came to their last stand with a soundtrack and jazz hands.

It is hard to be happy with a Zombie, Musical, Comedy that only has one tribute to thriller. That is what the audience seemingly came to see besides for gore and boobies. As the flick is played, the audience is trying to figure out how to make can a better version of this.

Oh for the days of Super 8, the format you couldn't immediately mass produce. This is not Evil Dead, so this movie would not exist in a simpler time.

So immediately, you have to appreciate Song of the Dead, for all of its thriftiness. The Air Force uniform with only a flag on the left shoulder, the BB gun that the actor has to be the folly artist for, and the chainsaw they chose to ignore budgeting gas for, etc., leaves the audience respecting the nerve the "filmmaker" to try to get away with this zombie flick.
"You could totally see that one zombie cop a feel off the topless zombie chick."
"He didn't get paid for this, so let him have that at the very least."

I don't know how this movie can technically be called a comedy beyond the laughs the budget restrictions create. The musical numbers are suppose to be for laughs, but the songs are very hit and miss. The audience is left having a ball laughing at the fact that they are singing and dancing, not the lyrics.

The only thing that is very funny about the film is the relationship between Sandy [Kate Gorman (not the Kate Gorman)] and Brad (Travis Hierholzer). There was actually time spent on making these characters play off each other very well, and to make sure that there was something funny about every dialouge exchange between them.

Kate Gorman is a ham, but this is a B-Movie musical, so I cannot say that is a negative thing. All of the actors with the exception of the Sandy's brother (Steve Williams who has no clue about the concept of acting) give everything they have to make this film a B-Movie gem.

I don't want to say their efforts are wasted (especially by Conrad Gubera who played Sandy's father), but Song of the Dead is just a cheap film, not a B-Movie. It is dissappointing to see so much heart misused, especially when it is not splattered across the screen.

The Last of the Evangelion Manga Reviews (at least till I dig out Books 3/4 from storage)

2009-07-31T04:41:00.004-05:00

Issue 11 --- Issue 12

It was tough for me not continuing with the Neon Genesis Evangelion manga. Unfortunately, I had difficulty with Viz delivering the issues. They were kind of enough to take care of the issues, but I thought it maybe wiser to quit subscribing while the series on an up note.

Actually, I thought I knew how it all ends (I went to the trouble of watching a Chinese subtitled version of the first movie), so what was there going to be to really surprise me besides more Pen Pen revelations?

Shortly after this, I spent two weeks in London. Man do they know how to treat an otaku. I loaded up on anything Eva. Post cards, original alternate universe manga, the toys (which I unfortunately had to open to pack), and mouse pad. They also have a lot more anime magazines on the dark island, and in trying to catch up with Perfect Blue's release, I read a lot of them. Evangelion still being the hot topic, there were articles about Eva's voice cast, the movies, and the manga. A manga that was based on the TV series.

So I maybe missing out. I do own the compilation of Book 3 and the first two issues of Book 4, but prepping for college and the first job (fixing Caterpillar boxes) put it on the back burner.

Since I like to end my discussions after seven related articles, I just may get around to catching up, and even reading the latest Alt universe lines. Got to keep myself pumped for the next DVD from Funimation.
The theme song I appointed to this set of reviews was David Bowie's "Ashes to Ashes". This is the epitome of what midis were all about.
Stage 11: The Child Wandering

After Shinji is scolded for disobeying orders, he feels he can't pilot the Eva anymore, and runs away. He runs into Kensuke which relieves some of his tension, but he is soon surrenders to Nerv Security, so he may find out what his fate is.

The anime feels like it covers this part of the story more, but it does leave out some details that could give us a better understanding of all the characters. Everything artistic about this stage is good, and the story is the best in the series so far.

Stage 12: Fumbling Towards Kindness

Shinji being surprised with his father's praise (sort of), and the feeling of being nobody again makes him wish that he wasn't leaving Tokyo 3. Add Misato's feeling of loneliness, and the scenario may change.

My description of the premise may leave one to think that their isn't much to the story, but the manga does a great job in expanding on the premise. Again, this issue tells this part of the story better than the anime. They should have payed more attention to what they cut out for the show (sorry for the last statement, the anime came first). Of course, with only 26 episodes there would be some problems. Again the artwork is great, and the ending is pretty fulfilling. Finding out the secret of Pen Pen is worth owning this, and the great use of Toji and Kensuke should clinch this purchase.

Sympathy for the Devil...mean Mom, and the Chinese

2009-07-29T15:24:00.006-05:00

Class is about to wrap up for the summer. I gotta remember when I'm at ICC to pick up another fall schedule. The older sis was pissed when I tried to hold out on her by only offering her the advance one.

Tough weekend. Parents and lil' sis out of town for our douche bag (in the uptight way...chuckle...not the bad way) cousin's wedding, so I had to be my big sis's chauffeur to work, and where ever the else she wanted to go on her schedule.

It's not like I had a choice. When she calls it the crimson tide, it isn't just going to be her blood leaking. Good thing I decided not to deal with the poser/redneck crowd at the IWA tryout in advance.

It's not like she doesn't have a reason to be bitter. She doesn't want to have kids, so why she got to get visited? Good thing she is going back on the pill. The pill can control more than offspring possibilities.

What really screwed by internal clock was Saturday morning. She works third shift 2-8 am. So I figured I'd watch Watchmen (which is everything The Dark Knight wanted to be), blog a little, then pick her up. Pull in at 8 am to the broken up call telling me she had to stay till 11.

Bless her heart, that she follows rules, but I don't think they would have minded if she used her cell on the clock to tell me to get some sleep.

So, cannot get moving till 3 am Monday. I'm down five points on my Stats grade, and out a Kid Robot tattoo. And I had to just sit back and take it in case I want kids someday.

Not to be cruel, but is being a single child that bad? We end up having to take care of parents in their senior years, but we always have to watch after our siblings. If not out of love, out of what an adversary your age can do to you.

There is a time when any sibling you have can kick your ass. Sisters get that opportunity once a month, and any sibling knows a few of your secrets. We love because we have to, and as we secretly idealize the Chinese one child policy.

After These, Just One More Set of Evangelion Reviews

2009-07-28T23:13:00.006-05:00

Issue 9 --- Issue 10
What kills me about re-archiving stuff from my Evangelion web pages is this.

I leave their tabs open when I close Firefox, so the Midi's start blaring when I open it back up. It's imperative that I post these reviews up since the midi from this one is Black Sabbath's "Paranoid". I can't let this song get ruined like I allowed a couple of Road Warrior marks ruin "Iron Man".

Stage 9: The Trial of a True Fan

A new angel has arrived, and despite his problems at school, Shinji is ready to pilot. After trying to waste the enemy with his rifle, the angel is able to take out the Eva's umbilical cable. To make matters worse, Shinji also must avoid crushing Toji and Kensuke.

This volume has some great color artwork and with the battle having a good cliffhanger point, makes this the best action packed Eva yet. No, there isn't much for character building, but everything does fit together well making this worth while.

Stage 10: Shonen and Knife

Shinji is feeling rebellious. First, he allows the two kids into the plug. Then, he disobeys Misato's order to retreat. Now Shinji has 30 sec. to take one last stab at the enemy.

Again, some beautiful artwork, and continuing the battle from where it left off works well unlike Dragon Ball Z on the tube does (email russthebus-cubs@lycos.com if you think they should replace it with Robotech or Voltron on Cartoon Network's Toonami). I do feel that the anime is better when it comes to being episodic. It allows for better character development, but the ending does seem to show us that Shinji has a little more feeling than we first thought.

Neon Genesis Evangelion © 1995 Gainax

The Anal Whore of Quotes

2009-07-27T16:15:00.012-05:00

I have found that apps kind of suck.

Fun apps with little replay value:

Super Pets is fun until you totally pimped out your pussy's pad.
Chess is only good if your Dell didn't come with it preinstalled. Well, I purchased Windows Vista Business, so I suppose companies told them to cut the Office Space experience from it).

Poker Apps:

How do you know which free online poker actually pays? All apps seem to try to trick you into giving them cash, so can we get a Chris Moneymaker seal of approval? It isn't like he's cleaning up at the WSP.

The Resurgance of Text RPQs:

Mafia and Bloodlines...I just never got into the text RPQs. Text Hentai games, well that comes with being an Otaku. It's difficult to believe that youngsters (who weren't around to gain the experience to be preoccupied with 1985) are trying to claim it as their own.

Most importantly, there are no quizzes that make sense. If my sister wasn't waiting to pounce on the computer chair, I'd take ten and give my recently obtained stat knowledge (Thank you ICC) to determine the accuracy of them. To save time they should offer the option to just answer, "I'm a fuck'n pisces." Who knows? I may just be bitter about the "Your Real Life Serial Killer is Albert Fish." result.

These observations fit Flixter's quizzes to, but the ability to make your movie profile enticed me. It is a chance to describe myself though the cinema I love dear, so I want to complete everything that is Russ at the movie. As long as it is restricted to 12 Flicks.

It takes 22 favorite films to create a list that will balance that applications screen, so I got 10 that don't seem to matter when people see my profile. A Clock Work Orange and The Godfather don't matter?

So, I ended up giving my brief little reviews to the first twelve titles in stars and quotes on the program. This allowed me to discover that being dispicable as Peter Hammond, Jim Ferguson (I doubt he is my classmate from MHS) and Shawn Edwards was not difficult. These gents are what are called quote whores. They are the Inglorious Bastards who keep telling you to see Transformers: Rise of the Fallen regardless of the warnings from your loved ones.

Whoring is usually reserved for the bad films, but you have to have comments ready if you want to successfully join the field of Cable/Satelite movie describers. So for those films I am removing from my top 22, here they are in their brief awesomeness.

GoodFellas (1990)
5 out of 5:
Brilliant acting and dialogue. It presents a great to put story behind the mob.
Lat sau san taam (Hard-Boiled) (1992)
4.5 out of 5
Unforgiving. Brilliantly choreographed. The gold standard of gun play.
Pulp Fiction (1994)
5 out of 5
The perfect storytelling of it's harsh realm can only be matched by its wit.
The Usual Suspects (1995)
4.5 out of 5
Brillant noir with a twist.
Trainspotting (1996)
5 out of 5
Heroin complete with the hilarity that accompanies it.
Chasing Amy (1997)
4 out of 5
A real love story.
Blade (1998)
3.5 out of 5
Action, vampires, humor. Who can ask for more?
Fight Club (1999)
4.5 out of 5
A film where it's concepts make it worthwhile.
The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
5 out of 5
You can watch this one, and never feel obligated to its sequels.
I Heart Huckabees (2004)
4 out of 5
You gotta pay attention to this one, and doing so will leave you hearting it.
Saw II (2005)
3 out of 5
The production is down, but the twist makes it as good or better than Saw.
The Wrestler (2008) - Just read the full review I posted. Lazy skimmers.

So I figure the loyal Russ Stevens reader would want to see what I'd do with bad movies. Well, I'm going to try shoving that one into 309diy next issue. Check it out at Co-Op records on August 1.

Clive Owen, Isla Fischer, and Jason be damned.

2009-07-26T16:52:00.006-05:00

Current mood: drained

I know I have few worthwhile qualities, but film criticism seems to be one of them. Add unemployment to the mix, my oxygen consumption should be considered felonious if I do not use the only thing I have going for me right now.

As my fate seeming dictates (according to the Jet Li classic Tai Chi Master), it is not currently an act to partake in. February has usually been an off month, and this year follows in that trend. Yes, I have not seen The Wrestler or The Reader, but it is quite difficult to find a place within reasonable proximity to Peoria to catch a 2'ish showing of either one. Happy hour is reserved for the Stat Boy Hour on ESPN.

Perhaps the date is truly unlucky because film criticism is proving quite difficult since nothing worthwhile is opening. My Friday the 13th blog from last week would be considered hypocritical if I was to see the film. The International attacks my almost religious faith in hoping for the return of responsible capitalism, and Shopaholic is an emasculating scare. So how can one find a cheap replacement for the emotionally bankrupt offerings from ***Southern California this week? And be clever about it?

***May this statement not reflect poorly on the adult film industry. That Aurora Snow has heart. With some of her scenes, I can swear that I've literally seen it.

Hopefully you followed my public service announcement last week, and resisted going to see the new Jason. Now I hope I can provide you with from encouraging the abuse of fine British thespians.

The International, the quote whore's (whose name was conviently placed in white over white scenery in its TV spots) "ideal picture for our time." This quote laid the opposing argument that prevents me from seeing Clive Owen's latest.

So, the ideal film is for a socialist to bring down a bank. Excuse me. Recession? Obamaism gone wild? What is the deal?

I have a savings account and a pension, and they come through a conglomerate. Is this not evidence that the insignificant are going to be punished if the film's idealistic prick(s) succeed?

Nevermind the fact that murder can be good business. The USS Maine (right...Spain did it), Pearl Harbor (are you sure that we were sure the Nips were going to attack Australia?), JFK (CIA's insurance policy cashed), The Turk, The Heads of the Five Families, Heiman Roth, etc. All examples of the profitability of timely deaths.

No action flicks, so my final option is Confessions of a Shopaholic. Isla Fisher is hot, and my tendencies towards crazy redheads are well documented. Still, to put up with a chick flick, I either need to see a naked Jolie or a chance to play Pitt afterwards.

I didn't need the realization of the shallowness behind my feministic film selections, or refresh my knowledge of the seemingly impossibilty of events that could lead me to a chick flick. Sad since I am curious about the content of "He's Just Not that into You."

Needless to say, Valentines Day weekend has not offered me a reason to pay $8 for two hours I could use on manufacturing gimmicks to sell in what seems to be an ever more unlikely return to the ring. Fortunately in this quest for Cinema...Cinema...Cinema, I remain tenacious. Unfortunately, I also remain thrifty.

If the multiplex cannot help my need to potentially rip a director an intellectual orifice, I shall turn to the recent DVD releases...that are under $10 and delightfully tacky. Sadly, the latest Steven Segal "fat martial artist versus vampire" movie is still $20 at Wal-Mart.

Also, I did not need to know about the economic downturn affecting the B-Movie rental market. Before Christmas, I could rent the ICP knock off and Raven Death Race 2000 (who needs Statham when you can choose vintage Stallone). Now, Chris Kattan and Jessica Simpson star in the lowest budgeted flicks at the $1 a day kiosk.

At least I know the downturn is hurting the Juggalos. Lets us all take solice in that.

Yet to give up, I turn to free movies on demand. To my dismay, Fearnet's devocation to Voorhees severly limited their offering. What I want is people not to see Jason I, or is it XI, or is it XII, so I can't turn to the original series. All I had to find was something free, more worthwhile than a hockey poser, and something that would remind me not to entertain the thought of watching Slap Shot 3.

So I was elated to find Louis Gossett Jr. starring in Iron Eagle 4: Doug Masters Rides Again.

If I could, would...

2009-07-25T21:57:00.003-05:00

Current mood: morose
Category: Blogging

Just trying to write something everyday. I don't know, it maybe a need to be challenged I guess.

If the older sister isn't hogging my bedroom (better known as my parents office space), I'll blog.

If I got time before class, I'll fill a page in the notebook next to the fabled first draft of my second screenplay.

If all else fails, I'll try to write based around the graphic on the next page in my Adrian Tomine journal Stef got me.

If I wanted a challenge, there's one. Every image is about relationships, and do I have any material to write about that topic?

It seems I've getting little thrills out of simple stuff.

Conquering this cold, sinus infection, or side effect from all the Lipozene (which was working, but I decided to stick out the "if your throat swells you got to quit" warning). I think all the junk that I didn't leave on I-55 south just past Dwight has gone to my ear, so

If I can resist the temptation of using my coupon for Tiger Woods 10 (just so I'll have two Wii Motion Pluses so I can actually beat the crap out of Stef when I pick up my copy of Wii Sports Resort), I may have some change for a couple more bottles of the overpriced fiber. Got to keep pissing my little sister off by keeping up the weight loss.

If some for reason I get the break that I seem never destined to receive, and not off myself before the unemployment runs up, planning my third associates degree by Summer 2010 will kill sometime.

And I guess

If I got to thank anyone for the turn around, being Danny's disciple it pains me to say, I may have to thank Ian Rotten for it.

I'd like my $15 (and inevitably an extra 40 come July 24) because I shouldn't be paying to work. Out of principle of course and finding out what the point of trying out was? Ian said the word got to him that I have a "big mouth" when really it's just typing 40 words per minute in proper webiquite...Alex, Andy, Lawrence, etc. I ain't ashamed of it, so fuck him

if he can't take a joke.

The point is, he said my shit wasn't bad. Wasn't good, but I hadn't received that high a praise since Keith Walker said I didn't mess anything up with that job. Well, I take that back. No body hassled Tigger Mask, and that's about a match, not the behind the scene stuff.

Really, the point is, since it ain't bad, I just gotta plan out better matches to get it up to good, and the wrestling should be going again.

But the thing that kills me about this recent motivation, aside from sweltering at the keyboard. My parents never gave me a well ventilated room (and fuck them

if they can't take a joke.

What bugs me is that, I still don't see shit getting better. I honestly believe I'm helpless in improving thinks. I write, well I got to die right now to make that important. I wrestle, and I still have to give it up for the real world and back stage bull shit. I stick around, and I remain a foot note to the rest of the world. Just that great guy who never has anything great happen to him.

I don't want anyone to feel hurt by that statement.

If something good happens, I pray I unexpectedly walk in front of a bus. Nothing has happened to keep me going. I've kept myself going, and that's been in fucking vain. Fuck you Stef

if you are going to get the dictionary out to check that I wrote the write vain/vane/vein down. There was a reason I call myself the Rough Draft.

In the end, I'm just building my argument for suicide. Damn it, I'd just wish I finished my thesis and get on with it. After I get the Master Degree in Fatalism for it of course.

El-Hazard ROH's Last Anime Review (so yes, back to real movies...philistines)

2009-07-25T01:39:00.007-05:00

This is one of the must own anime series as far as I am concerned. El-Hazard has the humor that would make it the perfect anime for Adult Swim. It would serve as a nice crossover for the AS fans who just want humor, and are pissed about the Saturday anime block.

Again this is an arguement that I touch up a bit with my Animeflow website. Also, this will be the last anime review on ROH, so here is the only midi I haven't reposted that will not fit with my new anime blog. Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust"

El-Hazard: The Magnificent World - Night 1

Under Shinanome High School, an ancient shrine has been discovered, supposedly by Katsuhiko Jinai. Many of his classmates believe him to be lying about this a long with his class presidency election victory, and his sister Nanami a long with Makoto Mizuhara are out to impeach him. Jinai is fed up with being out done by Makoto, and decides to get his life long rival out of the impeachment scene the night before the trial. When he nearly catches Makoto, the entire school freezes except for Makoto. Makoto, wondering what has happened, wanders into the shrine. Here he meets a women who claims to know him. She is weak and decides to use whatever strength she has left to transport him to El-Hazard.

Exposition seems to be slow in every series, but at least we get a pretty good idea of what the characters are going to be like. With Jinai's annoying voice and attitude, he should make a descent villain. Nanami is the ideal foil for her brother will probably work out well. And who won't enjoy the drunk gym teacher? All of the characters seem to make for an interesting supporting cast to surround Makoto, the character we're all suppose to relate to. The cast is mixed up in a similar style as Tenchi Muyo! (the directors are the same), but a greater draw to this series is a running story instead of the sitcom style TM. A long with all this, there is great animation and an excellent soundtrack which makes it a must by for any anime fan.

Almost Have All The Evangelion Manga Reviews Rescued

2009-07-23T00:28:00.008-05:00

Book 1 - Issue 6 --- Book 2 - Issue 1 --- Book 2 - Issue 2

Just one more set of reviews after this one, and I can stop this blog from being consumed by the past. But from a theological standpoint, or it a philosophical...fuck it, this is Evangelion, so will go with the prior...anyway the past is part of us, just don't let it consume you.

Why did I go with a quote (okay, a paraphrase) from Master of Tai Chi (favorite Jet Li film) which just confirms the statement before it? Probably the alcoholic part of me. Watch Master of Tai Chi to understand that.

As for the musical menu tonight, the theme for these reviews was "Glycerin" by Bush. I was looking for "Swallowed," but I suppose I was thinking faster than people were converting their Casio talents to data files.

Stage 6: I... Cry

After a nightmare with the same monster from his Eva experience, Shinji awakens in the hospital. Here he sees Rei again, and his father talking to her and only glaring at him. Misato comes to pick up Shinji and to discuss his lodgings.

Again, there doesn't see to be much for character building in a non action issue, but this stage is pretty good. There is a lot of comedy and a full story instead of the DBZ one piece of the action per issue deal. Also the ending of the issue gives us great incite into the character of Shinji.

Stage 7: Closing Hearts

Geez, you come to a school after a catastrophy occurs in the city, and immediately people start to say things about you. Shinji can't keep the secret that he is an Eva pilot from his classmates. Despite the respect of many, one kid, Toji Suzahara wants to beat the crap out of him for accidently injuring his little sister in the battle with the Angel. Despite all this drama, Shinji is still willing to pilot the Eva, but he does wonder why.

If they took out the Angels, all the issues would be as full as the first, fifth, and sixth. There is still a problem with building the supporting cast personalities, but Shinji's keeps getting additions to his which may be more important. Again the comedy seems to be put wherever it can to break up the drama. This really helps make this issue and the above mentioned issues (except 5) work so well.

Shinji's Bad Mood

Shinji must feel like pissing everyone off. Misato is angered at how Shinji is so willing to kill himself if needed, and Toji still wants a piece. Somehow, Shinji continues with the way he acts which seems likely to place him is some really deep s***. If it wasn't for an Angel attack, Toji may have been able to try his own psychological therapy of our hero.

The issue does shows us how great Toji and Kensuke will acts as a team, and it finally shows that Misato is a much deeper character. The conflict between Shinji and Toji does seem like it's played for laughs which is funny, but it sort of hurts the story. Still, this maybe worth it since we now have the completion of the 3 stooges.

Battle Angel - Hopefully James Cameron Will Do This Title Some Good.

2009-07-22T14:48:00.005-05:00

Gunnm was probably the most popular manga when distributors started importing Japanese comics to the States. The manga was so popular and adored by the biggest celebrity advocates for the product that James Cameron will attempt to adapt it to the live action format in 2011.

I have a good feeling that this project will be better than Titanic. Aliens happens to be my favorite film of his, and if Gally (the lead), is Ripley tough, how will the sham of a best picture hope to compare? Just hope he doesn't take her to the point of Linda Hamilton nuts or Jessica Alba too hot to focus on talent.

Episodes: Rusty Angel - Tear Sign

When one sees the hype there wis about the Battle Angel Alita manga you'd figure the anime just had to be good. Well this is one of the rare times I felt disappointed in one of my purchases. I'm sure the manga is good, so when you watch this film, you are left to wonder how is that.

Maybe it was trying too hard, maybe it was trying to package too much into two episodes, or maybe there is just something that the manga had that we'll never see animated. Its probably a mixture of the three, and after you watch it a second time, you won't be as harsh on it. Then again that may have been me just being prepared for the disappointment.

There are a lot good things in this series, but it does seem to be a little confused about what it wants to be; very, very dark or bittersweet. This wasn't received well in Japan, and I can see why. Maybe if I was a fan of the manga I could offer a better opinion. All in all its a chance purchase for the buyer. Maybe that is why I started so many of the sentences with maybe^_^

Rusty Angel

While sitfing through Zalem's dump for spare parts, Dr. Ido finds the body of a living cyborg. He decides to rebuild her as his daughter and since she can't remember anything gives her the name of Gally. The only thing that Gally can do from her past is fight, and after saving Ido's life from two braineating gladiator robots, she decides to become a Hunter Warrior, the only form of law enforcement in Scrap Iron City. This maybe a mistake though when Ido's former partner and now rival, Chiren, decides to repair and upgrade one of the Gladiator's, Greweicia, to humiliate Ido through the destruction of Gally.

Now this was a great introductory episode. We become familiar with the two extremely likable main characters, and we are presented with a decent character foil. The artwork and action are well done except for the finale, and the atmosphere works well. It does seem to try to pack a little too much in one 35 min. film which is pretty common, but there is a feeling that they may have skipped some details about the characters to do so.

The story works, but could have been a lot better. At least it makes you want to see the next film hoping for all the flaws to be worked out. Also this has to be viewed in subtitled form because with such a dark atmosphere, and perhaps overly dark at some points, Gally (Amanda Winn who also does most of the female lead voices for A.D.V. Films) and Yugo (Spike Spencer who also does the voices of most young boys for A.D.V. Films) just sound overly cute and innocent. This is the first time I've disliked A.D.V. Films dubbing, and when most of my Evangelion collection is dubbed that is saying something.

Tear Sign

To help the only person she cares about besides for Ido, Yugo, Gally has increased her hours as a hunter warrior to collect enough money to go with him to the Zalem, this universe's high society. Yugo has his own way of making money, and becomes a target when he tries to steal a fellow hunter warrior's spine. His employer, Vector, decides that using him to make Gally fight as the "Battle Angel" in the gladiator ring seems like a great money making plan, and sends Chiren to capture him. In the mean time Gally has to stop other hunters from catching Yugo and to also convince him to think of more things besides for escaping to Zalem.

Now this episode is nothing when compared to the first. There are no great action sequences, the romance seems too hollow, predictable, and too damn cute, and the story does anything to depress you. You will feel that they should try another OAV for a definative Battle Angel, but you also don't want to see another screw up. There just isn't anything powerful about this. It sounds like I'm being too harsh. Ido and Gally are still likable. I still watch it every so oven, so its not overly painful, and this seems to be a love it or hate it show. Again the viewer is taking a big chance purchasing Battle Angel.

Starship Troopers and How I Learned to Appreciate the 2008 Election.

2009-07-21T17:26:00.005-05:00

First off, with all of my anime reviews I'm trying to save before Geocities gets shut down, I've come across a lot of MIDI files used for background music. Since every time I start up Firefox with one of my sites loaded, there is a constant reminder that I better get this midi up before Jarvic Cocker haunts me. He's a weird British Indy guy, so I don't think he knows the difference between live and dead).

So here's a link to Pulp's Disco 2000 in all it's keyboard glory.

Now on to more pressing manners. Fascism, is it as glamorous as Paul Verhoeven's Starship Troopers, or is Obama right in vetoing the F-22 budget? Or could it be the charismatic president's elaborate scheme to lead us into a Federal world?

As for the F-22, no matter my love for dog fighting movies (reminds me that I have to truly compose my Iron Eagle IV review) and the inevitable Rise of Cobra, there is no reason to believe our fights need to be updated. The Thunderbirds are still F-16s, the Blue Angels are F-18s, and B-52s have successfully maintained a fear of nuclear holocaust since 1964.

Also, the most effective tanks have been the same since the 70's. Thank you Military Channel's "Top 10 Infantry Vehicle" show. You prevented me from settling on watching horrid Michael Jackson covers.

The point is, the weapons we have are superior to all of our threats, so why try and further brutalize them. They actually may make war less brutal, but you can't say it is okay to not give the guys in the caves a chance to face Mecca and offer one last prayer for 71 virgins and a slut they can study from.

If you want to use new weapons, find a tougher opponent. For someone who loves the science of noble destruction, I am pissed that we haven't encountered The Rise of the Machines, and the bugs aren't sending asteroids to reinvigorate the human and more importantly the patriotic spirits.

Patriotism, the concept to encourage people to act like Casper Van Dien to sign up for duties against the bugs. I haven't seen STIII, but I hope for Casper's sake, it was filmed instead of taped. The guy has done enough SyFy originals. Give him the glory of digital celluloid, please.

Or a reality show. Denise Richards can be considered less talented than her ST costar (CVD at least got to be in a Tim Burton flick), but because she's an air head, E! is taping. All I want is that we offer a struggling performer the same chance to avoid crappy made for DVD (that don't feature Bruce Campbell) movies without fucking Charlie Sheen.

Let me get back on the topic. Patriotism is not what made Starship Troopers, so cool. It was fascism, and Troopers found all the points to sell testosterone filled teenagers in what was the beginning of South Park Republican movement.

There are some elements I thought were kind of cool. You serve, you vote. I use to thing that it sounded fair. Those who risk their neck, deserve more than I do. The problem is, the servicemen all seem to develop biases that favor the concept of protecting Dick Cheney from Google Earth.

A society based around the concept that force is the most effective way to control. Thus, we would be led to believe that the stronger culture is the better one. Tolerance would be down, along with the number of Asians of any kind.

Just an observation, but I cannot remember seeing any Arabs, Indians, or East Asians is Troopers. When I take the time to look at the cast, I do not see many Jewish sounding names listed. And then your lead's last name sounds very Reichish "Van Dien".

The director of the film loves to hid satire into every project, but he always seems to push that envelope to far. I guess the problem is that he tends to make his films so enjoyable, that you forget that, we cannot condone this.

This is where I thought of how great it is to have Barrack Obama in office. It presents a world of kill crazy right wingers, and a New World Order that did not feature Muslims. If that wasn't 1998 to 2005's general attitude in a nut shell, I don't know what is.

Obama, a well educated man who thinks the government should serve it's people, like most of our Ivy League scholars and artist. A man who realizes some changes that lead towards socialism are needed to make our country stronger. Of course, socialism tends to be a policy that walks beside fascism (i.e. The National Socialist party of Germany of 1933-1945).

Could Obama be leaning towards a government that will pick and choose what the country needs? If that is possible, we better hope the bugs wait till 2016 just in case.

Or we get organized to encourage anarchy. Sadly, most of us are smart enough to realize that hypocrisy. That's why we need the machines to destroy us.

So this turns out to be a blog about buying Cyberdine stock. It's an investment for our future.

Slayers: The Motion Picture, for the Wannabe Anime Expert

2009-07-20T13:34:00.006-05:00

Slayers is another series I knew I would have to check out sooner or later. You can call me cheap, but with a series that has so many videos, I figured I would wait for the release of one full story in say 90 min. It is not the first time I've done this, and I won't quit this practice which has only back fired on me once with Macross 7: The Movie (30 minutes in full length, anta baka).

For a more in depth review (i.e. second guessing myself), check out AnimeFlow.

Never mind how I finally sampled this series, but the bottom line is I saw this film and really enjoyed it. You can't help but like the characters of Naga and Lina, so, like Tenchi Muyo! they are the main draw to the series. Also like Tenchi's movies, if you are looking for a long running story (episodic) this isn't it. Slayers is a great comedic picture with a decent, but cluttered story which maintains one's interest. I probably won't buy too many of the videos in this series, but one or two might be worth getting. Especially when I have a little sister who acts a lot like Lina. Thank god she doesn't check out my pages^_^

Lina wakes up from a weird dream involving some blue haired kid, ignores it, and heads to the continent's coast. Before she gets there, she is involved in a misunderstanding with some bandits. She comes out of this scenario unscathed and a tad richer, but the persistent bandits hire their own sorceress to represent them, Naga. After Naga is taught by her friend not to mess with fire, she decides to finish the issues with the bandits once and for all. With their foes defeated, Naga finds the fallen have passes to Mipross Island, home of many of the finest hot springs. Feeling obligated to use them, she quickly makes for the port not realizing she has dragged little Lina along. Since their ship's food isn't bad, our heroine decides this trip to be worthwhile.

Once they reach the island, the two have to deal with many of the top ten strongest fighters/magicians of the island all of which have some thing related to a pink octopus on them or with them. After an old sage plants a dream in Lina's head, Lina is hired by the king of one of the villages to investigate why all this is happening. She still isn't sure about going through with this investigation until the sage tells her she can visit the Spring of Growth afterward which seals the deal. Is this unknown foe going to be able to be defeated by these two sorceresses, and is the Spring of Growth all it has been made out to be.

The first two acts run pretty smoothly, and excels in its ability to put so much action and twists into itself. If it wasn't for the great characters though, the film would have really fallen apart 2/3 the way through it. I guess thats what happen when you create a villain that is way to powerful. You have to come up with a really implausible and hardly understandable way of defeating it like Tenchi Muyo in Love. Otherwise all the other villains work well especially with the attacks that one could only compare to a bad acid trip (so I've heard).

The animation quality is great, better than any U.S. form except for Disney's. The soundtrack is good, but nothing really exceptional, and the dub really stretches from original script to sacrilegious levels script. No villain would recite Syvester of the Looney Toons.

I'm not much for midevil fantasies, but Slayers: The Motion Picture is definitely worth watching for its comedy, its characters, and pretty cool action sequences. It's still not for everybody, but I don't think it would hurt anyone to sample the Slayer universe. Of course this is the cheapest method which was the best way for a high school to build a varied anime collection.

Anime - Battle Arena Toshinden - Not Quite SFII: The Animated Movie

2009-07-19T14:47:00.004-05:00

Forgot that I did episode be episode reviews at The Bus's Transit of Anime Reality. I doubt the true otakus need me to do an indepth critique of this Fighter to Anime, but it's my blog, so first and for most this should be for me. The past couple of weeks, I've kept it free of overly depressing Russ Stevens related bull shit, so at the very least you can give me this.

Volume 1 Volume 2

This video game to anime adaptation is every bad thing I associate with U.S. Manga Corps (opinion has changed): bad colors, mediocre music and sound, and far from top quality animation. Still if your a fan of video game fighters, you'll enjoy this anime.

Battle Arena Toshinden is good enough to pull the fights together, and all the fights are important unlike the Street Fighter 2: the Animated Movie. It does a good job at only concentrating on the story's main character, but unfortunately it does give us bits with the mediocre characters (only as characters not as video game fighters), Mondo, Duke, Fo, and perhaps Rongo, but at least they still are relevant to the plot. Also the video does does give us the authentic of a button smasher, unfortunately it is done only through special moves. Then again, some people may say that is the only way to fight in the video game. The animation still has a unique style and there is some great artwork available. Again you have to be a fan or looking for a cheap anime to enjoy this, so it is definitely not for everyone.

Volume 1

Eiji Shinjo, a finalist in the last Toshin Tounament, long lost brother, Sho, has just defeated two of the past Toshin champions using their own moves, and the a fellow fighter, Rongo, was defeated by a mysterious opponent using the same strategy. Eiji joins forces with his friend Kayan to try and find out what is happening. As a precaution, they to go to warn their friends Sophia and Ellis. When Eiji meets up with Sophia (oh what a dumb teenager I was, spoilers), Sho comes to defeat his younger brother, but is it really Sho Eiji is facing? If not who is behind this?

The story isn't too original, and maybe even tacky since we're seeing one man create so much destruction. Even if he's an android he's still a human (strength, weakeness wise), so making the Man Machine Project sounds pretty stupid. Still their are bits where the viewer can really get into the action, and the fight scenes are done very well. In other words, we don't have to care about the plot. The quality of the animation is low, but there are always scenes that are masterfully drawn, and I can see why they can sell the cells. Damn the need for motion.

Volume 2

After defeating Sho's clone, Eiji goes to meet up with Kayan and Ellis to tell them what he now knows about the The Organization's Man Machine Project. The two leave by telling Ellis to watch her back, and their premonition comes true when a Man Machine of a fighter killed by Ellis's father, Gaia, comes to capture her. Her two friends try to rescue her, but this Man Machine is far greater and knows everything thing about the two's fighting styles. Soon Gaia comes to stop rescue, but Ellis tries to save her father from some poisoned throwing blades. Blades whose antidote is known only by The Organization. Now Gaia has to exchange himself for the antidote, and try to defeat the stronger Man Machine.

Definitely the worst episode on the tape because the characters who return stink. The voice actress of Sophia changes her image to a cold character, and why the h*** would the Duke (not featured in the prior volume) have a grudge with The Organization. The fights are still well done, but we don't get any artistic treats in this episode like in the first volume. Also the horrible sound effects and music are even more noticeable. By no means was this a good way to end any series.

Just because it's Michael Jackson doesn't make it 80's

2009-07-18T17:45:00.009-05:00

Stuck inside because I don't have any money to go outside. Or good cause to beg for money. My apologies to The Goddamn Pimps, but it is just too much trouble to start a credit card tab at SOP's on a Saturday night.

The Peoria Theater cannot draw me out with their 80's double feature of The Goonies and The Wiz. I am not objecting to the prior. That's grounds for taking "my child of the 80's" card away, and no matter how many times I wreck that edition of Trivial Pursuit, it won't be given back.

Of course, The Goonies, is everything that is good about the 80's. The only things missing from it are Corey Haim and a young black midget. That would have made the film perfect if it had Tony Cox (Bad Santa) and Anne "Mama Fratelli" Ramsey kicking around Robert Davi and Joe Pantoliano. Imagine a Sloth/Cox showdown. The film was already 114 minutes long, may as make it an even two.

Stevens Spielberg and Chris Columbus owe us six extra pages of ethnic and childhood obesity jokes. Why did they hold back? Chunk and Short Round are immortalized by you guys. They should be more than happy for further ridicule for eternal glory. Then again, Columbus has never been daring, but for the garbage that was only redeemed by Jonathan Ke Quan released a year earlier, Steve owes us (The Color Purple was not enough, especially for putting your name on the Bayformers franchise).

Or they owe Quan at the very least. The picture of him on IMDB is twenty-four years old. He still works on films. Can you just throw the Database some change to at least be a little more accurate for his sake?

I guess in year 1 AMJ (After Michael Jackson), some would argue that the King of Pop's presence would make The Goonies a project that Orson Welles would have happily ended his career on. And when I heard that the Peoria Theater was trying to attach Moonwalker to it as a double feature, I could see their point. Hell, I've been looking for an excuse to wear my pleather attire and make up at one time.

Sadly, there is no domestic DVD or BlueRay release of the 80's clas...tour de...puppet show. They could have asked the Peoria public to bootleg the film, but instead they settled on The Wiz.

If you want the night to still be about the 80's, get a copy of The Lost Boys. It is a good Joel Schumacher film, and it has both Coreys. There is nothing 80's about The Wiz an ethnic misinterpretation of a Broadway show.

I can claim it is a misinterpretation because I've heard of plenty of high schools with a 99.7% white campuses who have put it on. It is either a misinterpretation or us white devils shamelessly stole something from the black man yet again. Wasn't Michael Jackson enough?

There maybe 80's musicals that you could match up in a double feature with The Wiz. Xanadu, Can't Sop the Music...all right perhaps I should appreciate them trying to put a good movie with MJ's only true cinematic work...outside of Moonwalker of course.

But when you think of 80's musicals, you think Top Gun, Flashdance, and Footloose. Us children of the semiattractive Linda Hamilton (she just got too butch for me, damn you Skynet), are not about big numbers and show tunes. Just because it has Michael Jackson in it, doesn't make it part of the Paramount musicals.

I wish the Peoria Theater well in their double feature and plan to be there for Song of the Dead and Mil Masceras versus Aztec Mummy. Hopefully, you will not have a crowd that will be polarized between films about two totally different ethnic experiences: The minority scarce 80's and the Blackploitated 70's.

Perhaps I'm just not of an open mind, or maybe I just want to guarantee I'd enjoy my six hours of sitting. If only the hard liquor wasn't so expensive.

The Confused Project that Was Armitage III The Motion Picture

2009-07-18T14:04:00.008-05:00

While trying to archive other anime review from the Bus's Transit of Anime Realities, I discovered that I had also written an Armitage III review for another website of mine AnimeFlow. The funny thing about this is that it is a counter to what I originally wrote. All I can say about this repost is that it reads better, but to truly understand this anime, you might want to read the opposing side.

So, I'm schitzophrenic. The good lord must want me to discover something new about my futile existense everyday just to prove his own. Jesus H Douche.

Armitage III was always a title I wanted to check out, but with so many other multivideo collections I was trying to complete, I didn't want to trouble myself with another one. So when I heard about the movie version I was pretty sure I was going to buy it, and when I found out it featured the voices of Keifer Sutherland and Elizabeth Berkley that kind of sealed the deal.

Its great to see celebs trying to help bring this style of art to the main stream. This is the second anime feature length film I've ever bought, but I knew not to expect another Akira, but this was pretty enjoyable despite it may seem at some points to be over done.

After finally viewing the original OVA series, some may appreciate the restraint the film had when compared to the material it was peaced together from. Then again it may just be an issue of preference. Do you want to dedicate days to the character and over the top voice acting or not. Again, this is the fanboy in me wishing that anime DVD's were not released in complete sets, so that I could truly figure that out on my own interms of this series. Does disc 1 encourage me to buy disc 2, or I have the movie, so I'll just put this disc on Half.com.

Of course if you don't buy much anime and you just want to see this to see another Elizabeth character act like a slut (Show Girls, Any Given Sunday, Saved By the Bell type characters) you will be disappointed. This is not one of the reasons I bought the tape, but you some time wonder when is this Cop in hot pants is going to get naked.

Ross Sylibus has left the Chicago PD for the Martian PD after his partner was killed by a cyborg. He immediatly gets involved in some traditional movie cop action with a shoot out at the space port where his new partner Naomi Armitage is trying to apprehend one of the arrivies. During the shoot out the criminals suitcase opens and we find the dead body of the universe's only remaining country singer (^_^Yay^_^) Kelly McCannonen. After the suspect escapes, Armitage and Ross find out that the victim is a robot. Just as Ross is settling in, the murderer, Rene D'amclaude pirates the TV signal to show a montage of the murders other female robots he's takes credit for and calls for a revolution of the "Thirds". With antirobot feelings on Mars, this man gets a lot of support, but the higher ups in the PD seemed to be more concerned with Armitage's drive to solve these cases?

The biggest flaw in the film is that it tries to cover too much in too little time. This is the same plot as the series, so the action has to be hurried. It would appear that little room is left for the characters' emotions, but it is actually being loyal to the OVA. Some of the voice acting is pathetic, and Sutherland seems to try too hard, but Berkley does a great despite it being an overly whining lead character. This was probably the way the series and film stand behind a claim that the show is quite emotional.

Voice, body what else does Liz need? A decent agent?

The artwork and animation are great. Just looking at still shots and posters doesn't do the film justice since these drawing are beautiful in action. The plot does seem to have too many variables like how the Thirds can be impregnated. Confusion or a sense of over stimulation is all that creates. Despite all this, its extremely enjoyable without the addicting nature of the series.

Armitage III - Polymatrix is not addicting, its not excellent, but maybe the opium suppository for the anime fan with a budget. Just a hit to get you by.

More Evangelion Manga Reviews

2009-07-18T13:24:00.004-05:00

I think it maybe important to point out the gimmick of EvaUnit03's Tokyo 3 Station was to come up with a rock n' roll soundtrack to the series. Unfortunately, Lycos will not let me post the images and midi used for the site on this blog directly, so if you want to here the midi for this page Click here

Stage 4 Stage 5

Stage 4: Silence

Shinji is sent to the surface to face the Angel. One problem, how do you pilot an Eva? Our hero eventually gets Unit 01 to walk, but he can't stop it, so he decides to go with the flow. Unfortunately, something is willing to help Shinji with his original plan after a trip up.

At least we get somewhere with this stage. It doesn't cover much, but the action makes up for that. The key thing is that your guaranteed to get the next issue.

Stage 5: Angel Fire

Shinji has a near death experience where he thinks he has found his mother. This all becomes quite nightmarish when his mother turns into some twisted mechanical monster. Not wanting to die yet, somehow the Eva fights back with more strength than ever.

Again another action packed issue. We finally get a conclusion to the battle. Unfortunately, there isn't much room for character building except for Shinji, but thats its only weakness.

Neon Genesis Evangelion - Manga Reviews

2009-07-17T17:32:00.017-05:00

Because Yahoo!/Geocities is being shut down, I gotta find a place to put all of my anime/manga reviews. Guess I can at least proofread again.

It also gives me an opportunity to bitch about capitalism online. Perhaps Yahoo! made this move because they are losing money as the compete with better companies like Google (that should give me some Ad Sense profit...don't call me a hypocrite), but it could also be corporate greed at its worst. In all honesty, Yahoo! has a great user friendly registry service, but to pay for webspace on the Internet? If you cannot find that for free online, then there is at least one hedonistic douche bag involved.

Stage 1 Stage 2 Stage 3

Stage 1: Angel Attack

The melancholy Shinji Ikari has been called to Tokyo 3 by his father for unknown reasons. While he's waiting for Capt. Misato Katsuragi to pick him up, a giant monster starts to attack. Misato seems to arrive at the nick of time, but the car is knocked over making them easy prey for the Angel (the official name for the monster). They are saved by a giant robot that helps by putting the car right side up. It also takes the pounding the two were meant to take, and is forced to retreat. Even after all of this, Shinji is still wondering why his father has called him, and what is the robot called the Evangelion that saved him.

If you discovered Evangelion through the anime like I did, you are immediately interested in the plot as we find out how down the character of Shinji was intended to be (My mistake, the manga came after the anime). Rei also plays a larger part than she does in the anime's first episode, and the humor is delivered a lot more openly. Not really more detailed than the anime, but a new way to look at Evangelion.

Stage 2: Reunion

Shinji and Misato finally get to the Geofront and they meet up with Dr. Ritsuko Akagi. She gives them a brief history of the organization Nerv exist, and gives a very inciteful overview of the Evangelion. Shinji's father, Gendo, soon appears and ask Shinji to pilot the Eva. Shinji refuses despite his father calling him a coward, but the scenario may change after seeing the injured female pilot rolled out to go to battle again.

This type of issue is exactly why I'm considering not to renew my subscription. It is all talk about the background that some readers are some what familiarized with by reading the first issue. Lets just skip to the battle.

Stage 3: Unit-01, Lift Off

Being pissed off at his dad for the coward remark, seeing that Rei is helpless after a blast from the Angel has shaken the GeoFront, and the fact that Shinji was protected by the Eva are all possible reasons for why Shinji decides to pilot. I'll bet on the first possibility.

I don't know why they had to put such a small amount of info in one manga. Stage 1 was fine on its own. It was a lot of action from cover to cover. This Stage should be combined with Stage 2.

Public Enemies - When is it going to be Babyfaces's Time?

2009-07-16T19:44:00.008-05:00

What was the appeal of John Dillinger? The Robin Hood nature of attacking the feds? His public disregard of authority? The fact he obviously must have looked like Johnny Depp? Michale Mann's film Public Enemies is a successful attempt at providing the viewer some insight into Dillinger while showing how the government are the true villains.

Aside from Babyface Nelson of course. I admired the job by Stephen Graham (one of many actors who successfully covers up their accents in this film...when will Jude Law and the Pythons learn), but like pass examples in cinema, we are only given the crazy side of him. Surely he was more dynamic than an overated Heath Ledger performance?

We pick up the story when Dillinger breaks out his entire crew from prison and follow him and his girl (Marion Cotillard) as they try living the sweet life on Uncle Sam's bill. Trying to prove the legitimacy of his leadership of the FBI, J. Edgar Hoover (Billy Crudup, Mr. "Cannot Do Wrong" 2009) assigns the Agent Melvin Purvis (Christian Bale) to bring Dillinger reign a top the most wanted list to an end. Preferably, in the same manner that Purvis used to stop Pretty Boy Floyd. With increased heat on him, and the lack of accountable allies, Dillinger must find a way to stay with his girl, and capture the one score that can set him up for life.

There is no way to look at Dillinger in a bad light since the story seems to be about his pursuit of happiness. The downside is that it under utilizes the other characters in the story, but he is the guy on the poster. All of the performances are delivered as well as they possibly can be, and with this film not being a comedy, I do not see how Johnny Depp will not capture an Oscar. But the film is a fine lesson on how an actor should give their all into a role, regardless of screen time.

This film is quite an example of the Socialist Hollywood agenda, but since it allowed us a marvelous performance by Crudup, why complain. As I said, focusing so much on the character of Dillinger's intrapersonal battles makes every against him someone you genuinely yearn to see come up short. There was a peace of me hoping for a surprise ending.

There was also a peace of me hoping to see more of the opposition just to see a human side to them. Christian Bale (someone who has a label on my blog because my recent reaming of some of his more recent performances) has little dialogue, but he is able to show in every action he takes a "WWJD" level of contemplation in his face. All most every law man with the exception of Stephen Lang's character (left in the same boat as Bale) is cold as cold as the mob, so the film is the epidimy of a tragic hero story. It leaves me wondering whether or not we are glorifying Dillinger too much.

When I think back to other films by Michael Mann...alright one film (Heat), the biggest thing I was hoping for was a Bale and Depp having a De Niro/Pacino getting to know each other scene. A chance to show that they are the hottest thing in Hollywood, and to really understand both characters. The film seems to be a loose adaptation of events (based on the Bryan Burrough's book Public Enemies: America's Greatest Crime Wave and the Birth of the FBI, 1933-34), so it is a shame that they did not work something like that into the film. Then again, I'm pulling for Crudup for best supporting actor, so we can't let Bale get too much Oscar bait.

The direction of the film is beautiful. A great merging of the cinematic look of the era and reality. Cinematography and editing are spot on especially when any scene involve a movie house. When one thinks about the movie houses, it reminds you of the writers efforts to stick to their themes. Dillinger the Man and Dillinger the Celebrity is shown as one person, so it can be said they wrote a perfect character and environments for Depp to portray.

Public Enemies is a great tale of a tragic hero, but the viewer cannot overcome the feeling that the film cut out elements to deliver this. The friend I saw the flick would say good gun fights (or it was her hope the "villains" would overcome the law), but after you accept the rules of a fire fight and the difficulty to conciously kill someone, you know that was not a problem.

The one flaw to Michael Mann's film is a focus so narrow that we lose track of the rest of 1933 and 34, but to give us such a sympathetic hero, you cannot complain too much about this great film.

Rearchiving Blogs: 9/15/08 - Don Rickles’s Wet Dream

2009-07-16T19:34:00.004-05:00

Rain destroyed Dunlap Days, but the temptation of Pumpkin Ale and Blizzards may have been enough to draw people to Morton's Pumkin Festival instead of Peoria's 4th Annual Worldfest.

Finally, this Mortonite had found something to do with the second weekend of September.

Up yours Pumpkin Fest.

Damn your celebration of 20,000 McCain voting Mother...and fathers. They should have been celebrating the cultures...well, at least half of the countries of the world.

They missed the chance to watch awkward Philipino Americans try their native culture's coconut dances.

There was the opportunity to see Chinese children exploited without the glory of sweatshop wages.

How could one pass up the chance to sit and pray for Michelle Yeoh-like choreography to be intigrated into the Chinese long sleeve dance.

It was a chance to see elderly Americans pay homage to their German roots sans the Hitler, and a chance to wonder why the 15/16 white Native Americans were wearing glitter.

More Anglofiles were needed since there was no Union Jack present among the flags. Hell, I thought about cutting away at Australia's flag to represent my Motherland.

So many people missed the challenge of experiencing the awkwardness of just passing the Black Expo with apparrent ingnorance.

Who would pass up the chance to see 10 year-old "black belts."

Most importlantly, they gave up the chance to remain dry.

Take that you giant slide and the beer tent where all of who I tried to avoid at MHS would be demanding reaquaintance.

And where's the Pumpkin Rochada?